Master Charismatic Conversation AJ Harbinger From The Art Of Charm StyleCon 2017 Presentation
[0:00:00] Antonio: In today’s video, we’re going
to be talking charismatic conversations and I’ve got AJ of the ART of Charm who’s
given the presentation.
This is a video clip from my conference StyleCon, now Menfluential and I can tell you that this
event is a life-changing event.
I’m going to link to it down in the description.
But, in today’s video, I’m going to have AJ explained to you how to use conversations
and how to be the most charismatic person.
Now, AJ and Jordan over at the Art of Charm, if you have not been listening to their podcast,
I’m going to link to that in the description as well.
Guys, this is an amazing podcast, they have an amazing business.
If you find that, you know, just human interactions is something that you need to improve, you’ve
got the fancy degree, you’ve got the work experience, but you just don’t know how
to have those social skills.
They’ve actually got a boot camp that you can go to in LA and you can just master these
skills in a very short amount of time with guys that know what they’re doing.
AJ is the real deal.
I am proud for the last four years that he has attended and spoken at my conference.
So, I’m proud to bring you this small clip.
And, without further ado, here it is.
AJ: In starting a conversation, I found over the years the easiest way to do it is to ask
a question.
And I know there’s a lot of advice out there that says questions are bad, right?
If you ask too many questions it’s an interview process and it’s kind of taking information
from the other person.
And it’s not that questions are bad, it’s what happens after the question that we need
to focus on.
So, we’ll always start a conversation with the question at the Art of Charm, Hey, where
are you from?
What do you do?
Very simple.
And the power of the question is that it automatically allows the other person to talk about themselves
which as we know is everyone’s favorite topic.
So now, by using a question, we’re not searching for what to say next, we are giving the other
person an opportunity to share with us and listen to their answer.
That’s the important part.
So, a lot of people come to me and they want to know what to say - AJ, what are the words?
What do I need to be saying?
When in actuality, we need to be listening.
That’s the skill that we teach at the Art of Charm is how to become a better listener.
And when we listen, we don’t just use our ears, we listen with our eyes and our ears.
And what I mean by that is while I’m asking this question I’m looking at the facial
expressions and the emotion on the other person’s face before I’m really thinking about the
answer that they’re giving me.
And it’s in reading the emotions that we can find emotional bids, these are moments
of excitement or enthusiasm that the other person expresses in their answer.
These emotional bids might be a raise in volume, right?
It might be a big smile appears when they’re excited telling me where they are from or
what they do.
And it’s cluing on those emotions and allowing yourself to then share that emotion back with
the person in the form of a statement.
So most of us we ask a question and that we’re ready for the next follow up question, but
it’s the statement that is the key to the conversation formula.
So, it’s question plus their answer equals a statement and it’s in that statement that
we now allow the other person to understand us too.
So, we’re not just searching for topics we’re not just searching for answers, we’re
also sharing back.
The most powerful statements we can make are we statements that allow us an opportunity
to connect with the other person not tell them just about ourselves.
So, we statements allow the other person we’re talking to to feel like they’re our friend
already, they’re not a stranger, it’s about us together.
So, in going through the process of trying to learn how to be better with women, I realized
that these conversational tips that we were teaching our guys work in any situation.
So that now, I’m not worried when I come to an event like this being introvert as to
how am I going to have a conversation how am I going to understand what the other person
is saying.
I know the most important part is I just have to ask good questions to engage the other
person and then rely on listening to find those topics that they’re interested in
that motivate them that inspire them and then connect on that topic.
So now, with the conversation formula, for those of you guys who are struggling to figure
out how to connect with someone here, put the focus on the other person, give them an
opportunity to share and open up.
And I’ll tell you that people don’t remember what you say and they don’t remember what
you do, they only remember how you made them feel.
So, the statements that we make have to come from an emotional place, opening up being
vulnerable and showing off emotion which as men is very difficult, right?
We all try to be stoic and hide our emotions, but emotions are how we connect with one another.
[0:05:07] So, we might have vastly different experiences, backgrounds, where we were, where
we came from, what we studied, but there’s always emotions tied to those experiences.
So, when we’re listening to people’s answers we’re cluing in on those emotions and understanding
that if I can convey that emotion back, we’ve made a connection.
So, question plus answer equals statement.
Now, if a conversation is dying, right?
And maybe we talked about Mexico and how amazing that trip was, oh, what do I do next?
I simply ask another question.
So now, I know exactly what to say to start a conversation and also, how to continue a
conversation.
So, I’m never afraid of running out of things to say and it’s this simple formula that
I rely on even here today meeting a lot of you guys.
Antonio: Like I said guys, AJ is the real deal.
I’m proud to have him in my conference.
And if you would like to engage with him actually talk to AJ after he gets done with his presentation,
that’s what I built my conference to be able to do.
These guys they’re up on stage, Jose Zuniga, Aaron Merino, but then they come down from
stage and they are there for two days so that you can engage with them you can talk with
them you can ask them the questions of how I can improve my business, how I can grow
my Instagram, you know, maybe you’re building up an Instagram channel, you’re building
up a YouTube channel, you’re going out there you’re building up a podcast.
You can talk to these guys, ask them be able to learn from them, build real relationships
and super charge your business.
Maybe you’re just a super fan, you’re somebody that you follow what these guys have
created and they have changed your life.
Well, you can shake their hands and you can tell them what they’ve done and really inspire
them.
So, guys, I invite you to come out to Atlanta, I’m going to link to the event, it’s in
February 2018.
Definitely, I would love to meet you in person and, guys, that’s it.
Take care.
I’ll see you in the next video.
[Music] [0:07:08] End of Audio