Hey, Mat Boggs here and today I want to give you five steps for creating relationship closure.
Now, you may have been in a situation where you’re dating someone, it’s a good relationship,
and then all of a sudden they just disappear.
Now, maybe they had the courtesy of leaving you like a goodbye note, but oftentimes, they
just up and vanish.
This is someone you’re dating and you’re like, “What the hell?
Like are they dead?”
And you’re checking, like you’re calling them, they won’t call you back.
You’re like, “Okay.”
You check their social media and they’re around, they’re posting on Instagram, they’re
posting on Facebook and they just vanish, they just like disappear.
That can be an excruciating experience.
I have been there.
I completely understand this.
You wake up in the morning and your mind just thinks about him.
You’re thinking about him a thousand times a day.
Everybody you’re talking to, you’re like, “Hey, what’s up with this person?
What’s going on?”
It’s like dominating your conversations.
You want to get some sort of explanation like, “What did I do?
What did I do wrong?
What mistake did I make?
Like why are we not talking anymore?”
Every time your phone rings, you’re like, “Oh my god, is that them?” and you get
your phone out and you’re like, “Oh, damn it.
It’s just my best friend.
Hello?”
Right?
Like every text you get, you’re hoping it’s them because you want to know what’s up.
And by this time, you know, maybe a few weeks have gone by.
You know the relationship is done, but you want some closure, you want to know why did
they just up and bail?
What did you do wrong?
How can you get closure?
So in this video, I’m going to give you five steps that you can take for creating
closure.
Notice I didn’t say “get closure,” because when you have a conversation with someone
and you talk about why they don’t want to be with you, what you did, what they did,
it’s easy to have closure, right?
The tough part is when they’re not around to have closure, when they don’t give you
the opportunity to have those closing conversations, how can you still create closure for yourself?
So step number one is to realize that time does not create closure.
Yes, time does help heal wounds, but time alone is not going to create closure.
There’s actually action that you have to take.
Otherwise, the feelings that you have, the experiences that you have, you’re sweeping
them under the rug and it will definitely come back to bite you in the ass the next
relationship that you have.
So if there are things that you can do, what is it that you can do to help create this
closure?
This is step number two.
Step number two is to claim your closure.
Now, what does that mean?
Claim your closure means to recognize that you have power over the closure and that closure
doesn’t come from him.
A lot of people think that closure is in his power, that you have to know why he did what
he did before you can get closure or you have to know or have him tell you what you did
wrong before you can have any reconciliation about it.
Actually that’s false.
You can actually claim your own closure because closure doesn’t come from an explanation
or a reason.
Closure is actually an experience that you have, an experience that you create for yourself
because there’s no saying that even if he does give you the explanation, it’s going
to be a good one.
There’s no saying that even if he does tell you what you did wrong that you’ll actually
agree with him.
None of that creates the closure.
The closure is actually created within and there’s three experiences.
It’s the experience of peace, it’s the experience of release, and it’s the experience
of possibility and a new hope for yourself.
And this takes us to step number three which is how do we create peace?
Peace is actually a byproduct of the practice of forgiveness.
So ask yourself this question: What do I need to forgive in myself to help me feel more
peace?
Because a lot of times, what we’ll do is we’ll start thinking about mistakes that
we made and ways that we screwed it up and we’ll criticize and condemn ourselves.
So ask the question, “What do I need to forgive in myself that will help me feel peace?”
And the second question is, “What do I need to forgive in him?
What behaviors or actions do I need to forgive in him to help me feel at peace?”
This takes me to step number four which is release.
Now, release comes from gleaning the gold, learning the lesson of any given situation
and releasing the rest.
So the question is what lessons can I learn from this experience?
Right?
When was it that I didn’t listen to my intuition?
Or when did I yield my standards or boundaries?
Or how did I not show up in a way that I knew I should be showing up?
Or what did I do well that I can celebrate in this circumstance?
What lessons can I learn and how can I grow from this situation?
And then release the rest.
Once you get that lesson, the reason why that’s so important is because oftentimes, there’s
a fear that if we don’t get the lesson, then we’re going to experience the same
thing again.
And it’s a horrible experience to be abandoned and just to have someone cut out with zero
explanation.
But when you learn the lesson, when you glean the gold, you’re able to set yourself up
for a different result in the future.
And this brings be to step number five which is creating the experience of possibility
and hope.
So what generates possibility and hope?
That’s when you wish the other person well, when you wish them a life filled with love,
a life filled with joy, and you wish that same thing for yourself.
So it’s a private prayer in your mind, in your heart.
Send them a warm beam of wishing them well, a warm beam of love, a warm beam of, “You
know what?
We weren’t right for each other, but I hope that something amazing happens for you in
your life and I hope the same thing for me.”
When you enter into that practice, you actually open yourself up for new possibilities in
your life.
So when you feel yourself getting sucked back in into the vortex of that drama, just decline
that and say, “You know what?”
I’m going to practice these five steps and it will release more peace in your life, you
release the drama and you create more possibility for yourself to move forward.
So I hope that this serves you in expanding the love in your life.
Please post a comment.
I’d love to know your thoughts, your experiences.
If you’ve ever gone through this in your life, post a comment below this video.
If you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure you get subscribed so you can get
the latest and greatest videos, and as always, there’s a link in the description of this
video for a resource that will help you expand the love in your life.
So click that link, check it out, and I look forward to seeing you soon.
Thanks so much for watching.