Have you ever lied about an odd hobby you have?
Or maybe your job status or your height?
Or even just avoided putting yourself in a situation
in which you knew you were likely to fail?
Why did you do that?
Short answer — because you were embarrassed.
Embarrassment comes from trying to control
how other people perceive you.
So instead of just showing the world
your nerdy hobby, say, that you collect beanie babies,
you go, "I don't want people to think I'm a dweeb,"
and pretend that you don't have one.
The same process plays out with hobbies
as it does with mistakes that we've made,
areas in which we're weak
and areas in which we might get publicly rejected.
We hide what we don't want people to know about us.
We conform to what other people would like us to be.
But it doesn't have to be the answer
because there is another more empowering mindset.
Instead of focusing on other people's perceptions
and feeling embarrassed about what they may think,
focus on whether or not you live up to your own values.
For instance, if you do have a killer beanie baby collection,
you obviously value something about it —
maybe it's the nostalgia or maybe it's just a quirk
that started when your grandma gave you one twenty years ago.
Either way, if you value your own opinions,
you won't try to hide the collection
no matter what anyone else thinks of it.
Or maybe you have a crush that you're thinking of asking out.
Focusing on other people's perceptions of you
would stop you dead in your tracks.
After all, what if other people found out
and laughed at you for getting turned down?
But what if you instead focused on your own values
like doing the courageous thing
or being honest even when it's uncomfortable?
You would ask that person out.
Now maybe you'd go on a date, maybe you wouldn't
but either way, you'd have lived up to your own values
and no matter what anyone else said or did,
you could feel proud of yourself.
The point is
that when you focus on living up to your own values,
you never have to feel embarrassed again.
It doesn't matter whether you trip up an escalator,
get fired from a job, beat up in a fight
or blown off by a girl or a boy that you like —
none of that stuff is pleasant
but you don't need the double penalty
of being embarrassed by those things.
Your attempts to live up to your values
are all that matter
so take responsibility, try to correct course and move on.
And if you have traits that embarrass you
whether it's your looks, your height, your age —
well, you can't control those things
and you can't live up to a value that you can't control.
So even though you might not like something about yourself,
own it.
You will immediately feel relieved
when you accept yourself the way you are.
Now this isn't an excuse to simply give up on improving yourself
in the name of self-acceptance.
Some things are worth a moment of embarrassment
because they remind us
that were not living up to our values.
So in the case of maybe having fallen out of shape,
a moment of embarrassment is worth it
to get you back to a healthy lifestyle
or a moment of embarrassment in saying your job title
can be worth it if it inspires you to hustle
to land your dream job.
The point is to get clear on your values
than live in line with them.
Let other people's perception of you
fade into the background noise.
Now this doesn't mean you ignore other people completely
to the point of becoming a self-absorbed jerk.
For instance, if one of your values is to be kind
and you keep getting feedback
that you're hurting people's feelings,
you probably need to make an adjustment.
But just remember there are 7 billion people
with 7 billion different opinions —
you cannot please them all.
So when you take feedback from others,
focus on doing the right thing
rather than the thing that pleases everyone else.
In short, stop trying to be okay by everyone.
Stop trying to control the opinions of strangers.
Instead, figure out your values and live by them.
Be your unadulterated self
all the time regardless of the audience.
Make mistakes, fail publicly, get laughed at —
you've got nothing to lose
and as long as you're trying to do the right thing,
you've got no reason to ever feel bad about it.
Own your screw-ups, your weirdness,
you're unpopular actions, and you're free.
...hope you enjoyed that video
and if you did like it and you want to see more videos like this one,
make sure to go ahead and hit the subscribe button now.
You get more videos every week
on how to be a most confident and charismatic self
plus hit that little bell button
if you want to make sure to see us on the homepage
because YouTube requires that now.
If you have any suggestions
of things that you like to see in the future,
write them in the comments and as always,
I look forward to seeing you in the next video.