Transcriber: Delia Cohen Reviewer: Peter Van de Ven
As I was brainstorming for this TEDx talk, several ideas came to mind,
ranging from how if we paid incarcerated people a real wage
as opposed to near-slave wages,
it could reduce recidivism;
to the various ways society can utilize
the untapped resources within prison for our mutual benefit.
But strangely, the idea that resonated the most,
although somewhat controversial,
is that a hot dog is indeed a sandwich.
(Laughter)
Now, given the theme of this event is healthy living, healthy lifestyles,
it seems pretty far-fetched that such an idea would cut the mustard
or much less be worthy of being spread.
However, I hope it’s one that we all can relish.
(Laughter)
Several years ago,
my younger sister apprised me of the discussion on social media
about whether a hotdog was a sandwich or just a hot dog.
At first, I considered it asinine
that people will waste their time on something so trivial.
Besides, whether it’s a sandwich or not won’t change how it will taste.
But being naturally impish,
I decided to see how such a question would fare in this prison environment,
so I conducted an unscientific poll, and I got some great reactions.
Oh, by the way, a lot of people thought I needed a mental health referral
for even calling a hot dog a sandwich.
But these reactions caused me to do some serious soul searching,
not just because I agree with both Oxford and Merriam Webster
on recognizing the hotdog as a sandwich -
after all, if meatballs on a split roll is considered a sandwich,
then so is a hotdog -
but it was more so on account of how I also was able to be biased
due to simply being accustomed to labels and beliefs about them.
For instance, in prison,
we tend to view snitches and sex offenders as the lowest of the low,
at the bottom of the criminal hierarchy.
In fact, some individuals go out of their way to ensure
that either categories of these people serve the hardest time possible.
Earlier in my incarceration,
I wholeheartedly agreed with that sentiment.
Now, typically, I’m very cautious of who I associate with,
as I have major trust issues
due to the lifestyle that I previously lived.
So I tend to keep my circle really small.
In 2011, I moved to a cell in another part of the prison,
and over time I befriended this brother who was a few cells away from me.
He was a comedian by nature, a seemingly decent guy
and one heck of a cook.
His motto was “You buy it, he’ll fry it,” and frankly, the brother could fry.
Hey, I love chicken,
watermelon too, but I don’t like grape soda.
(Laughter)
As some time passed, I noticed one particular officer
always gave this brother a hard time.
Being curious, I wondered what the problem was all about.
So I inquired,
and that’s when he disclosed what he was incarcerated for
and the details of his case.
Needless to say I was shocked to discover this brother nicknamed “Murder”
was a sex offender.
This caused me to have a drastic shift
in my previous position regarding sex offenders
and that their bid should be as rough as possible.
My friend didn’t fit my presumptions of a sex offender
because I, like many, tend to picture pedophiles and serial rapists
whenever I hear the label “sex offender.”
But what’s more disturbing is
as a society, we are far more comfortable with murder than sex offenses.
As a parent myself, this is difficult to fathom.
Theoretically, would you rather your child, your sibling,
your parent, or your loved one survive a rape or be murdered?
Let’s be crystal clear:
In absolutely no way am I trying to diminish or be insensitive
to the trauma endured by victims of these crimes,
as these are horrific acts that no one should have to endure.
It's just sometimes labels prevent us from seeing things clearly.
But as I was saying,
this brother professed not to have committed the crime he was accused of
and previously had his conviction reversed on appeal,
only to be found guilty at a second trial,
and that conviction was also subsequently reversed.
So he found himself in a precarious situation
and sought my input.
His choices were, one, plead guilty to a crime he says he didn’t commit,
receive a favorable deal,
be released and required to register as a sex offender;
or, two, go to trial for a third time
where he could be found guilty and still labeled a sex offender
or perhaps be successful
and still be viewed as a sex offender who got over.
Could you imagine being faced with such an unenviable decision?
Now, when you’re sentenced to 25 years to life, like me,
practically any deal which results in you getting home faster sounds good,
but how do you rationalize
accepting what may be the worst scarlet letter of them all:
sex offender?
You don’t.
You remain yourself and you love yourself
despite that or any other label people may put on you.
Unfortunately, several years ago, I didn’t feel that way.
My mother named me “John,” but in the streets of Buffalo, New York,
I was known as “Criminal.”
This nickname caused me to lose sight of who I was and could become.
Regrettably, I felt compelled to live up to this nickname,
even though I dreaded being called it.
Eventually people only saw me as criminal,
notwithstanding I’m a beloved son,
brother, friend,
the father of three awesome boys.
I love writing, collecting comic books - especially Deadpool, the guy is awesome -
and I was able to enroll in the Erie Community College
at the age of 16.
But perhaps most importantly, I'm someone who genuinely wants to help others.
Yet longing for some sense of validation or sort of reinforcement,
I lived a harmful and destructive lifestyle because of that,
and I hope to make amends for that one day.
Now, many of you are probably wondering
what’s the correlation between a sex offender nicknamed “Murder,”
a convicted murderer nicknamed “Criminal,” and a hotdog being a sandwich?
Well, all three have been relegated
to some label which has caused them to be viewed in just that context,
completely discounting all the other attributes they possess.
Think about this:
The hot dog is made from parts that were labeled scraps and waste,
yet it is beloved,
having its own national day
and organizations that better not at me for calling it a sandwich.
(Laughter)
But it’s an American staple and even a reference for a show-off.
While, on the other hand, we have people
that are respected and beloved by their family and friends,
yet they’ve been considered waste and discarded by society
all because they’ve been labeled a sex offender or a criminal.
Now, when did people stop being worth more than scraps of meat?
That said, it’s incumbent upon all of us
to re-examine our need to constantly categorize things,
but more so people,
and that we will end the divisive rhetoric
which has resulted from this needless labeling,
because as we all can see,
it is just giving birth to prejudices and some deadly ideologies.
Whether we are white or black, heterosexual or LGBTQ,
Republican or Democrat, rich or poor, incarcerated or free,
we’re all human and we’re all loved by someone.
And we should be focused on the bigger picture,
which calls for us to be open-minded and empathetic.
As long as we remain stuck in this narrow mindset
that life is binary,
that it’s this or that, us and them,
we will only perpetuate this divisive and deadly trend of categorization.
Now,
there’ll naturally be reservations on taking life advice
from a guy formerly known as “Criminal.”
And obviously, some may be offended at what I have to say.
Even so,
just because a belief is widely held, it doesn’t mean it isn’t ridiculous.
I challenge all of us to reconsider
the labels that prevent us from seeing the humanity in each other.
Take the opportunity to get familiar with someone you may have labeled.
Irrespective of whether a hot dog is a sandwich
or any other label bias we may have,
despite what we think,
labels do not allow for us to fully comprehend someone or something.
So let’s just enjoy life
and not overcomplicate it with subjective labels.
As we can all be a blessing to the world
by simply loving one another as we love ourselves.
Thank you for your time.
(Applause) (Cheers)