All right, play along!
"Counting to ten"
Can do that one.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Told ya. There you go.
"Read and write"
Yep, can do that one.
Like 86% of the population.
"Tie shoelaces"
Right. I can tie my shoelaces but I just,
I do it in a slightly different- It does! It works!
I'm counting it.
"Do a jigsaw puzzle"
Yeah, we've done that.
We've used a computer.
All right, going well, so far.
"Distinguish right from left"
Ah... For God's sake.
[SAD MUSIC] I do struggle with this one, alright?
I know this is my left, and this is my right right now,
but when I'm driving along and Becky's, like, 'it is right up here'...
I indicate left, okay?
I just always default to left.
I don't know what- Can we just- Can we just move on, please?
Thank you very much.
"Fry an egg" - I could do that one.
I quite like a fried egg at the moment, actually,
"Basic mental calculation"
Right. What are we defining as that?
"We do mental calculations almost every day"
Let's assume that I can do that.
Can also drive.
So, aha, unlucky to all you morons that just aren't at the legal age yet.
Guess you're not very smart.
"Know the six continents"
"You can do it!"
Africa,
South America,
North America,
Asia,
Europe,
Antarctica.
What about Oceania?!
There's seven! Maybe they're not counting Antarctica.
Alright. "Learn chess"
[SAD MUSIC] Right. Little bit embarrassing.
Can't-Can't really do that one.
"Play cards"
right?
Well, that's a bit vague, isn't it?
Because I can play snap, okay?
But I can't play bridge.
I can't play... Canasta.
Snaps cards, though.
So, I guess I'm a genius.
Let's goo the next one.
I just called myself a genius,
and then I said, let's 'goo' the next one.
Brilliant.
"Solve an equation"
Well, give me an equation and I'll solve it right here, right now.
Okay. Here's an equation: x - 21 = 3.
Right. So I just need to add twenty one
to three, right?
That would be twenty-four.
No, it wouldn't.
It would, it would, it would.
And then, divide that by eight, right?
Which is... three?
I'm really scared I've got that wrong.
I think we got it, though. I think we're okay.
Cool. Mmm, right.
That means we got a minimum IQ of 85 then.
"Pythagoras Theorem"
Uh... right.
[NOTE: '^' is 'squared'] Is that 'a^2 + b^2 = c^2'?
Uh..., maybe?
Yes, it is. It's right there.
I've no idea what that means but I know the words.
So, to have a minimum IQ of ninty, I need to know the times tables.
'Did you manage to do all of them?'
All of them?!
Like all twelve?!
I can't do all twelve!
I'll pick a random one.
6 x 7 is 42... please.
Hopefully that's right.
"Be bilingual"
"Half of the world is bilingual"
Wow! Mhmm...
[SPEAKING ABOUT WEATHER IN GERMAN]
Awh. I can't play an instrument!
Right... this isn't great.
I can't do me taxes any more.
I have to get an accountant to do it.
Ah-Er... can I get out of an escape room?
Don't think I can, you know?
I think any escape room I've ever done: we've even not quite done it in time,
or we slightly cheated.
"Build a closet"
I can't build a closet either!
We're not even halfway through the video!
I'm a thicko!
I have a sense of humour.
Sure.
"Understand the laws of Newton"
I don't know the laws of Newton!
An apple fell on his head? That's about as far as I know!
"Fix a car?"
I don't know how to fix a car!
Oh God, this is a nightmare!
"Go to an Ivy League School?!"
I can't do that either!
"Successfully invest"
I've done that one.
Yeah!
"Start a business"
I've done that one as well!
We're back in the game, everyone!
"Study medicine"
Nope. Not-not done that one.
"Strong institution"
"Do you have a good understanding of others?"
Oh, no... right.
Strong intuition not institution.
Wasn't one of the first ones being able to read and write?
Okay...
"Understand the periodic table"
Nope, can't do that one.
"Design a building"
I'll design a building right here, right now.
All right, we got a nice house and there's a window
there and a window there.
Whack on a door.
Whack on a roof.
Sure, give it a little chimney!
Perfect, there we go!
[SHORT PUFFS OF AIR]
That was the smoke coming out the chimney.
Anyway...
"Fly a plane"
Right, okay.
Can't do that one.
Erm... computer programmer?
Well, er, do you want me to count to seven in binary?
'Cause I'll do it right here, right now!
Wha-What's what? You want three bit integers?
Okay, no problem.
0 0 1,
0 1 0,
0 1 1,
1 0 0,
1 0 1,
1 1 0,
1 1 1!
Did it!
Hopefully...
"Be trilingual"
"Only 13% of the population can speak three languages"
I cannot do that one.
"Win 'Who wants to be a millionaire'"
Becky and I love playing along to 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'
and thus far,
I've not gotten every question correct,
but I get a few, alright?
I reckon I could safely get to [£]16,000,
possible 32[,000] on a good today
before I've used up all of me lifelines.
Alright. You need a minimum IQ of 135 to work at NASA.
Can't do that one.
"Early speakers"
"Some people have conversations at the age of two"
(QUIET) Don't think I did that one, either.
"Win a Nobel Prize"
I've not won a Nobel Prize yet.
Oh!
Know 206 countries!
I could do that one!
On screen right now is footage of me
naming all of the different countries of the world!
There's actually 197 rather 206,
but I-I did the ones that the UN classifies as a country.
I'm-I'm counting that one!
I'm taking it!
I'm taking it.
Right. Not yet made a scientific discovery.
Er- I'm definitely not a fast reader.
I can't memorize 200 words an hour.
I'm not a chess Grandmaster nor have I won-
Stop going on about Nobel Prizes!
I haven't got a Nobel Prize, okay!
Leave me alone!
Ooh, what's this?
"Hack the FBI"
N- Nope. Not done that one.
"Be a polyglot"
What's a polyglot?
"Only 1% of people can do this"
A polyglot knows several languages.
I forgot. I've already talked about the weather in German,
alright? It's nothing enough for you people?
"Have a photographic memory"
That would have been very useful.
"Human calculator"
Judging by earlier in this video,
definitely not.
Well, according to this video,
I am... slightly dumb.
Let me know if you're also dumb in the comments down below!
Check out WatchData at the top of the description,
subscribe to JackSucksAtStuff, if you've not already,
and I'll see you later.