What's worse than devoting your energy to mastering the impossible?
Or spending countless hours of your precious time completing an epic trilogy, only to have
the conclusion slap you in your digital face?
Not much.
"Alright, hit the Change of Venue button!
Now!"
"Aw, no.
You're in a Texas!"
"Yeee-haw!"
Here are some of the most insulting endings in the history of video games.
Warning: massive spoilers ahead.
Ghosts 'n Goblins
This 1985 side-scrolling classic is probably the first video game with a truly insulting
ending — which really stings, since the game is pretty solid, aside from its absurd
difficulty.
Your eyes aren't deceiving you: that knight is fighting monsters in his undies.
Hits make you lose your armor until you're basically questing in the buff.
Developed by Capcom for arcades but released on several home consoles, Ghosts 'n Goblins
rewards players who beat it with the following text: "THIS ROOM IS AN ILLUSION AND A TRAP
DEVISED BY SATAN.
GO AHEAD DAUNTLESSLY!
MAKE RAPID PROGRES!"
Yep, that's "progress" with one "s."
"And leave off the last S for..."
"SATAN!"
If seeing a misspelled message in return for your tireless efforts isn't insulting enough,
players are then tasked with playing the game again, but this time at an even harder difficulty.
Why?
So you can see the true ending.
What is this true ending, you ask?
Surely it must be worth the brutal, controller-breaking second-playthrough, right?
Well, you be the judge: "CONGRATULATION.
THIS STORY IS HAPPY END" is the sloppily-translated message you're greeted with.
Followed by, "BEING THE WISE AND COURAGEOUS KNIGHT THAT YOU ARE, YOU FEEL STRONGTH WELLING
IN YOUR BODY."
Ah, yes, that familiar feeling: Strongth.
What is the great task now required of such a valiant soldier?
"RETURN TO STARTING POINT.
CHALLENGE AGAIN!"
This game is a trap devised by Satan.
Fable 2
This 2008 open-world RPG sequel is considered by many to have one of the worst endings to
any video game in history.
Where to even start?
First, in a lengthy, epic role playing game, one would at least expect a halfway decent
final confrontation, right?
Sure, not every video game can have the best ending ever, but gamers like a little challenge!
So what challenge does Lionhead Studios present players of Fable 2, in the game's epic conclusion?
Press a button.
Any button.
Just press a button and the villain dies.
In fact, even if you don't press a button, he dies.
You literally don't have to do anything to defeat the final boss.
Epic!
To add insult to injury, Fable 2, a game all about choices, gives you a measly three final
game-ending choices, all of which are relatively inconsequential and none of which make much
sense.
In virtually every way, Fable 2 sets the standard for how not to end an otherwise-fantastic
RPG.
Of course, that was the standard...until…
Mass Effect 3
Not everyone was insulted by BioWare's ending to its epic trilogy.
But those people weren't paying attention.
The result of dozens — if not hundreds — of hours of exploring, fighting, relationship
building, planet mining, decision making and cringey romance, the ending to 2012's Mass
Effect 3 presents players with essentially three decisions: control, destroy, or synthesize.
All things considered, it's a bit like choosing your favorite color: red, green, or blue.
In other words: boring.
"What!
Is your favorite color?"
"Blue!"
"Right.
Off you go!"
"Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much."
That's more or less the only thing that changes in each ending sequence.
Not even the most hardcore of Mass Effect fans could justify this ending as being anything
less than offensive.
In a game that's all about choice, agency, and the practical effects of your choices,
every single player experienced almost the exact same ending.
The reaction was so negative, BioWare even released a rewritten and free DLC ending to
try to make up for it.
Borderlands
Gearbox Software's role-playing shooter is no stranger to silliness.
However, the game's over-the-top nature simply can't justify its obnoxiously offensive ending.
After 25 to 30 hours of frantic first-person shooting and role-playing — or 60 hours,
if you're a completionist — Borderlands rewards players' quest for the Vault with
a not-so-pleasant surprise.
As we already learned during gameplay, the Vault can only be opened every 200 years — and
by the time we've finished dispatching the Destroyer, a monstrous guardian of the prized
location, the Vault gets sealed for another 200 years.
Needless to say, this ending didn't sit too well with fans.
Nothing like playing through an entire game searching for pieces of a key to open a legendary
vault, only to have said vault shut in your face for another three lifetimes.
At least Claptrap is turned into an interplanetary ninja assassin.
But that's still just the insulting icing on the disappointment cake.
No Man's Sky
This 2016 open galaxy indie sensation has proven to be one of the most disappointing
games in recent memory — if not of all time.
However, the game might have had a shred of a redeeming quality if, when players arrived
at the Center of the Galaxy, there was a surprise there that made the entire, lonely, monotonous
journey worth it.
Not only is there no surprise at the Center of the Universe — there's literally nothing
at the Center of the Universe.
Nothing!
"What's in the box?!"
"Nothing!
Absolutely nothing!"
To those gamers lucky enough to have skipped this ultimately unremarkable game, it's like
this.
Just imagine putting yourself through hours upon hours of almost mindless drudgery, until
the fateful moment arrives when you finally can click on the Center of the Universe, with
the teeny, tiny, infinitesimal hopes that somehow, some way, it might all be worth it.
Then you just watch the map zoom by for several minutes before beginning … a new game?
Not quite.
You keep all of your stuff, but your ship is broken and you're in a new universe continuing
your journey with all knowledge and experience kept.
It just breaks your stuff and spits you out!
That's it.
What could possibly be a worse ending to such an incredibly disappointing game than asking
players to do it all again?
You've gotta give Hello Games credit for one thing — it successfully managed to insult
just about everyone who played this massively overhyped project.
"Stupid!
You're so stupid!"
Halo 2
Who can forget popping this 2004 Xbox classic into that hulking black beast of a video game
console and drifting away into beautiful, first-person, space-shooting bliss?
Yes, those were the good times … until the abrupt and totally insulting cliffhanger posing
as a legitimate ending made us all stare at the screen, dumbfounded, and ask:
"Is that it?"
Although it was apparently not the ending the creators wanted to make, players were
left with an incredibly unsatisfying taste in their mouths when legendary spaceman Master
Chief, secretly aboard the spaceship called The Truth, says this:
"Do you mind telling me what you're doing on that ship?"
"Sir, finishing this fight."
But then he doesn't finish anything.
The game cuts to black.
The end music plays.
Roll credits.
Have fun waiting for the sequel!
Should be two or three years, tops.
Anyone who looks back fondly at this cliffhanger as an epic moment in gaming history is either
living in denial or a victim of revisionist history.
The game may have been awesome, but the ending was awful.
Batman: Arkham Asylum
After the amazing gameplay experience of the first installment in the Arkham series of
Batman games, players couldn't wait for the epic finale Rocksteady Studios had concocted.
Unfortunately, the ending to this 2009 title is weak, to put it mildly.
The Joker himself is anything but weak, as he injects himself with Titan, a super-steroid
that makes the someone massively muscular.
And then we get a Super-strong Joker!
Because that's what fans have always been clamoring for: the Joker plus muscles.
Right?
"Yeah."
Yeah — no.
The ending that comes from this fight is a serious letdown.
A steroid-inflated Joker reeks of a lack of creativity, and the whole game culminates
in a forgettable boss battle.
For a villain who's always played mind games with the caped crusader, using brute strength
simply doesn't sit well.
The game fails at even doing anything remotely interesting with the of an idea.
It's just a standard boss fight.
And then it's over.
Although the game itself is objectively very, very good, even the most optimistic of Batman
fans can't help but admit that the ending is pretty lame.
Final Fantasy X
Unsatisfied.
Confused.
Bored.
Underwhelmed.
These are not feelings you want to experience after devoting between 80 and 200 hours to
a video game.
Yet, that's what many players were left feeling after watching what passes for an ending in
2001's Final Fantasy X.
With the villainous Sin defeated, Tidus and Yuna can finally let the good times roll,
get married, and have some babies, right?
It's party time for the summoner and crew, surely.
But wait … Tidus is a ghost?
Or a dream?
Tidus isn't real?
What exactly is happening?
Even by Final Fantasy standards, this ending is more than a bit convoluted, and a whole
lot of lame — so lame, in fact, that a sequel was required to even get close to justifying
this insulting, anticlimactic trash ending.
Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords
Nothing reeks of "rushed ending" quite like a few minutes of dreadfully boring dialogue
you desperately wish you could fast-forward through.
All with a somewhat-secondary character about hypothetical scenarios.
Which fail to actually detail the fates of characters you've already invested dozens
of hours into.
Sadly, this is what players of this otherwise excellent 2004 sequel are left with.
Knights of the Old Republic II is an all-round terrific Star Wars role-playing game, blending
a great storyline with solid combat into an engaging experience.
The ending, however, is anything but engaging.
It's boring and loaded with baloney.
Though, when you think about it, it is a prequel series.
And we all know how those Star Wars prequels tend to go...
Rampage
It may not have worst ending of its generation — because "strongth" — but the ending
to this 1986 arcade classic still hits you right where it hurts.
Maybe your sad childhood memory here goes something like this.
You stayed up all night with your best friend, determined to beat the NES port of Rampage.
Perhaps it all started like this:
"Whoa!
Nice graphics!
I'd like to get my hands on that game!"
"You mean you haven't played it yet?"
For a game called Rampage starring giant monsters, it's actually kinda dull, even when competing
cooperatively with a friend, but you wouldn't turn it off until you discovered what was
at the end of this nationwide disaster.
The ending would justify the experience, right?
It has to.
Finally, you get back to California, level every building, dodge all sorts of military-grade
projectiles, and wait anxiously for your reward, and then ...
"CONGRATULATIONS!"
That's it?
Thank you, Rampage, for ruining at least five hours of America's childhood.
"Stupid!
You're so stupid!"
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