GREG GUTFELD TAKE IT FROM HERE. ♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: HAPPY FRIDAY,
EVERYONE!
OH, MAN, AND WE HAVE A GREAT
SHOW!
JANICE DEAN IS BACK!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LET’S GO TO THE PRESIDENT OF HER
FAN CLUB FOR COMMENTS.
>> ICU.
I APPRECIATE YOU.
I THANK YOU.
>> Greg: WE THINK YOU TWO.
WHAT A SHAME IMPALED ON HIS OWN
GIANT Q-TIP.
I DON’T THINK I READ THAT
CORRECTLY.
AND I’M SURE HE WILL ADD ONTO
HIS SPEECH.
I’M SURE SOMEONE WILL LEND HIM A
HELPING HAND AFTER HE LENT HER
GROPING WANT TO SEW MY NAME.
NOW WE HAVE TIME TO HANG OUT
WITH MATT LAUER AND CHARLIE
ROSE.
BUT BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU HANG OUT
WITH CHARLIE ROSE.
HE REALLY WANTS TO HANG OUT.
IN CASE YOU FORGOT.
HE WOULD NEVER CLOSE HIS ROBE.
GUESS WHAT, IT IS TIME FOR
EVERYTHING IS RACIST!
SO TRUE, TONIGHT A TALE OF TWO
COKES.
IF TWO ELECTIONS.
AS YOU KNOW THERE’S A RECALL
GOING ON IN CALIFORNIA EXCEPT
THE RECALL IS IN FOR DEFECTIVE
AIRBAGS.
IT’S FOR A DEFECTIVE WINDBAG.
NAMELY HIS ROYAL HAIRCUT, GAVIN
NEWSOM.
IT APPEARS THE PERSON WHO HAS
THE BIGGEST CHANCE OF WINNING IS
LARRY ELDER.
OH, LOOK, HE’S BLACK.
WHAT’S THE "L.A. TIMES" CLAIMING
IS CAUSING THE RECALL?
RACISM.
DO I HAVE THIS RIGHT?
A PRIVILEGED WHITE MALE GOVERNOR
WHO IS AS I THINK IS CAULIFLOWER
PIZZA CRUST IS BEING RECALLED
AND THE POSSIBLE REPLACEMENT IS
A BLACK MAN.
THAT SOUNDS ABOUT AS RACIST AS A
EPISODE OF "WHAT’S HAPPENING."
HERE’S A TIP, IT MIGHT BE FASTER
IF YOU JUST PUBLISHED A LIST OF
THINGS THAT AREN’T RACIST.
THE REASON FOR THE RECALL ISN’T
RAMPANT CRIME, UNTREATED MENTAL
ILLNESS, OR HOMELESSNESS, OR THE
KARDASHIANS, IT’S NOT THAT
CALIFORNIANS CAN GET WATER OR GO
OUTSIDE, NOT HIGH TAXES.
IT’S RACISM.
HE CLAIMS ITS WHITE SUPREMACY
THAT LED TO THE RECALL IN
CALIFORNIA, ONE OF THE MOST
LIBERAL STATES IN THE NATION.
NEXT THEY WILL BLAME ALL THE
FOREST FIRES ON BURNING CROSSES.
THEIR LOGIC IT’S THE RACISTS WHO
ARE PAID IN CALIFORNIA AS THE
HOTBED OF CRIME.
THOSE THINGS ARE REAL, JUST
PROPAGANDA FOR SOME AMORPHOUS
BAND OF BIGOTS.
MAKES ME WONDER IF THE PEOPLE
WHO WRITE FOR THE "L.A. TIMES"
HAVE EVER BEEN TO CALIFORNIA.
HAVE THEY BEEN DOWNTOWN NEAR THE
OVERPASSES OR WALK THE BEACH IS?
IT’S WHAT SUPREMACISTS SLEEPING
ON THE BENCHES, LITTERING THE
BOARDWALKS WITH SYRINGES.
THE ELITES WOULD KNOW THIS IF
THEY EVER STEPPED OUTSIDE OF
THEIR GATED COMMUNITIES AND
MANSIONS.
AND SAW HOW REAL PEOPLE SUFFER
FROM THE POLICIES THEY PROMOTE.
WHAT SUPREMACISTS ARE AS RAIL IN
CALIFORNIA AS THE CELEBRITIES
WHO BATHE.
BUT, DAN, THERE WAS A WAY TO
REFUTE THE CLAIM.
WHAT IF THE LEADING ROLE
REPUBLICAN CHALLENGER WAS BLACK?
THAT’S TOO CRAZY, NOBODY WOULD
BELIEVE THAT.
BUT THERE IT IS, THAT GUY IS
LARRY ELDER, THE BLACK MAN WHO
EARLIER HAD BEEN CALLED THE
BLACK FACE OF WHITE SUPREMACY BY
ANOTHER COLUMNIST.
IF THAT’S TRUE?
HE’S BEEN A BLACK FACE FOR
ALMOST 70 YEARS.
THAT KIND OF COMMITMENT WOULD
MAKE RACHEL JEALOUS.
IF YOU SAID THOSE THINGS ABOUT
THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE WHO
HAPPENED TO BE BLACK AND
CANCELED FASTER THAN THE COSBY
SHOW RERUN.
THEY ARE MAKING THE ARGUMENT
LARRY ELDER ISN’T REALLY BLACK
BECAUSE FOR DEMOCRATS, BLACKS
ARE GREAT UNTIL YOU CHALLENGE
THE DEMOCRATS.
IT’S ABOUT THE CONTENT OF YOUR
CHARACTER AND YOU ONLY HAVE
CHARACTER IF YOU STAYED ON THEIR
PLANTATION.
MEANWHILE, THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
COUNTRY, THERE IS ANOTHER
ELECTION.
MAY BE SOME HOPE FOR A CLEANED
UP NEW YORK CITY.
RIGHT NOW THE CITY’S EXPERIENCE
ITS OWN RENAISSANCE OF
RECKLESSNESS.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THE
DAY WHEN A CRAZED MAN ATTACKS A
CAR WITH A SPATULA.
BUT THAT INDEED HAPPEN HERE IN
THE CITY.
FIRST WE ARE GETTING CARJACKED
AND NOW WE ARE GETTING FLAPJACK.
I’M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD CALL
THE COPS OR IHOP.
THE DUDE WAS BEATEN BY A MOB BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN D.A.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN D.A.
START WAFFLING.
CURTIS LEAVES RUNNING FOR MAYOR
AND HE SEEMS TO ACTUALLY GIVE A
DAMN ABOUT THE PEOPLE LIVING ON
THE STREET.
ON THE STREETS AT THE HAMPTON AT
THE FIRST TIME AND TROUBLE, IT MADE THE ROUND AND WORTH SHOWING
MADE THE ROUND AND WORTH SHOWING MY WATCH AND LEARN.
MY WATCH AND LEARN.
>> YO, WHAT’S UP MAN?
HOW LONG YOU LIFT IN? >> SIX YEARS.
>> SIX YEARS.
SIX YEARS.
>> ALL RIGHT, WHERE?
ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ON
MEDICATION?
IT’S OKAY, IT’S OKAY, IT’S OKAY.
IT’S ALL RIGHT.
WE’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU.
>> I JUST DON’T WANT TO TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF YOU GUYS.
>> YOU’RE NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE,
YOU’RE MY RESPONSIBILITY.
I’M RUNNING FOR MAYOR, I’M GOING
TO MAKE SURE YOU AND YOUR OTHER
FRIENDS OUT HERE TAKING CARE OF.
>> Greg: THAT’S PRETTY MOVING
STUFF.
IGNORE THE LEFT YOU SCREAMING IT
WAS STAGED.
AS OF AOC’S WHOLE LIFE ISN’T ONE
BIG FOLLOW-UP.
BUT THAT’S REALLY WHAT’S MISSING
FROM THE LEFT, COMPASSION ALONG
WITH LOGIC, REASON, AND TRUTH.
AT THE LEFT PRETEND THE POLICIES
HELP THOSE LESS FORTUNATE, A
STROLL DOWN THE STREET IN THE
MAJOR BLUE CITY PROVES
OTHERWISE.
IF WE SEE THE CONSEQUENCES AND
MOST OF THEM ARE ASKING YOU IF
YOU COULD SPARE ANY CHANGE IN
STICKING A GUN IN YOUR FACE ARE
SHOWING THEIR JUNK.
THOSE ARE JUST THE DEMOCRATIC
MAYORS.
PEOPLE LIKE THAT DISTURB THE MAN
SUFFER ON THE SIDEWALKS OF
NEW YORK, L.A., ATLANTA,
SAN FRAN, SEATTLE, AND ANYWHERE
ELSE WHERE THERE IS NO
OPPOSITION TO THE RISE OF THE
HARD LEFT.
IF YOU SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF
ONE PARTY RULE.
NOT A REPUBLICAN INSIGHT AND
THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENS WHEN
YOU’VE GOT NO COMPETITION.
RUINED.
OF REAL SENSIBLE DEMOCRATS
SHOULD BE FOR STUFF.
WITHOUT LOYAL OPPOSITION, THEIR
PARTY WILL TURN INTO A MOTLEY
BUNCH OF WOKE THEM UP BRAIN,
MILITIA ZOMBIES.
NOT LIKE THE REPUBLICANS ARE
SAVIORS BY ANY MEANS, YOU NEED
AT LEAST TWO PARTIES TO KEEP
EACH OTHER FROM DESTROYING
THEMSELVES.
IT’S TIME TO DO SOMETHING TO
WORK AND TURN THE TIDE.
IF MORE THAN ONE GUARDIAN ANGEL
TO DEFEAT A BUNCH OF MARXIST
DEVILS AND SAVE THOSE TWO STATES
IT’S WHAT TO TAKE A REBIRTH OF
REPUBLICANISM.
TOO BAD THEY’RE ALL MOVING TO
TEXAS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LET’S WELCOME TODAY’S FORECAST,
SHE’S KICKING SOME --
FOX NEWS SENIOR METEOROLOGIST,
JANICE DEAN!
HE’S HAD MORE ROLLS THAN BRIAN
STELTER ON THANKSGIVING.
AUTHOR OF THE NEW BOOK "THE
RESPONDENT" ACTOR GREG ELLIS!
SHE’S LIKE YOUR FAVORITE SWEATER
-- SOFT, WARM, AND RIDDLED WITH
MOTHS.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR, KAT TIMPF!
AND FINALLY,
HIS STYLE OF COMEDY IS NO LAUGHING MATTER.
LAUGHING MATTER.
WRITER AND COMEDIAN, JOE MACHI!
ALL RIGHT I’M GOING TO THE ONLY
PERSON HERE THAT STILL LIVING IN
CALIFORNIA, GREG.
DO YOU THINK LARRY ELDER IS A
SNEAKY WHITE SUPREMACIST?
>> LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, THE
WHITE MAN IS SAYING THAT THE
BLACK MAN IS THE BLACK FACE OF
WHITE SUPREMACY?
>> Greg: YES!
>> OKAY, GUY FROM COMPTON,
HAVING LIVED -- IT’S LIKE HE’S
BEEN DRINKING THE WOKE COLA FOR
TOO LONG.
IF I’M AGAINST -- I WANT THE
RECALL TO HAPPEN.
I DON’T THINK IT CARRIES ON HIM.
HE HAS DECIMATED CALIFORNIA.
IT’S LIKE THIS, LIKELY SEEN SEE
THEM FROM COMPANIES LIVING IN
THIS ERA WHERE WOKE CAPITALISM,
WHERE COMPANIES SELL PRODUCTS TO
PEOPLE WHO PRETEND TO HATE A
SOCIAL JUSTICE -- IT’S LIKE
COMMUNISM, CAPITALISM.
GAVIN, LOOK, HE’S A PRETTY
FELLOW, GOOD LOOKING CHAP.
NOT DOING HIM VERY WELL.
LARRY LOOKS LIKE HE REALLY MIXES
THEM UP.
>> Greg: I NOTICED IT BETTER.
BETTER GAVIN HAIR LOOKS, IT’S
LIKE REMEMBER THE PICTURE OF
DORIAN GRAY WAS NOT A MOVIE OR
BOOK, DID I DREAM THAT?
ALL RIGHT, THAT’S THE POINT I’M
TRYING TO MAKE.
BUT HIS HAIR STAYS THE SAME, BUT
THE STATE LIKE THE PICTURE IN
THE ATTIC.
>> IS THAT DORIAN GRAY?
>> Greg: THERE IS A PICTURE IN
THE ATTIC.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, JANET?
>> THEY ARE GRASPING AT STRAWS
NOW.
>> Greg: THERE IS NO MORE
STRAWS.
>> HOW ABOUT HE’S JUST A
TERRIBLE GOVERNOR?
I THINK THEY NEED A
METEOROLOGIST IN CALIFORNIA.
>> Greg: WHEN I WAS GOING TO
ASK YOU, I DON’T KNOW IF CURTIS
LEE HAS A CHANCE FOR A MAYOR,
BUT YOU KNOW, YOU’VE BEEN A
METEOROLOGIST FOR A LONG TIME.
ISN’T IT TIME YOU ENTER THE
POLITICAL REALM AND RUN FOR
MAYOR?
>> COME ON.
WOULD YOU VOTE FOR ME?
>> Greg: WHO WOULDN’T VOTE FOR
YOU?
HELLO, ANDREW CUOMO WOULD VOTE
FOR YO.
>> I DON’T TAKE ABOUT THAT.
I WILL SAY, I HEARD THAT
BILL de BLASIO WAS TAKING
ABOUT RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR
TODAY.
WE ARE IN TROUBLE.
IN TROUBLE HERE IN NEW YORK CITY
BUT I’LL LET YOU KNOW.
THE WINDS ARE CHANGING.
IT’S ME WHEN I WILL HELP WRITE
YOUR SPEECH IS.
>> THAN I’M GOING TO WIN.
THERE YOU GO.
THIS BILL AND THAT’S THE EXACT
KIND OF ANSWER, THE PERFECT
VISION.
NOT LITERALLY, DON’T WANT TO GET
IN TROUBLE WITH HR.
GOOD TO SEE YOU STOP BY THE
FOOTLOCKER, JOE.
OR OLD NAVY?
>> I DON’T KNOW THE BRAND, I
DON’T PAY ATTENTION TO LABELS
UNLIKE THE DEMOCRATS IN
CALIFORNIA.
I FIND PERSONALLY YOU WOULD
CATCH A LABEL FOR SOMETHING AND
THEN PEOPLE WILL STOP THINKING
AND BUY, THAT’S WHAT NIKE IS
PRODUCING.
I THINK THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS HERE
IN CALIFORNIA.
WHAT THEY ARE SAYING DOESN’T
MAKE SENSE.
GAVIN NEWSOM HAD AN ODD OR AS A
PET.
>> Greg: REALLY?
>> I’LL TELL YOU WHAT, MOST
WHITE PEOPLE DIDN’T HAVE
AUDITORS AS A PET GROWING UP.
I DIDN’T HAVE A PET, I PRETENDED
THAT STRAY CATS LOVE TO ME.
MUCH LIKE CANNIBALS PRETEND.
>> Greg: BY THE WAY, AUDITORS
ARE MORE APPEALING THAN CATS, RIGHT
>> NOW YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME
UPSET.
>> JUST A FRIENDLY JOKE, I LOVE
PETS.
>> I THOUGHT OF VIOLENCE.
>> Greg: SPEAKING OF CATS, HOW
MANY CATS DOES CURTIS LEE WILL
HAVE?
>> 17 RIGHT?
>> Greg: 17, HE LIVES IN A
STUDIO APARTMENT 400 SQUARE FEET
WITH 17 CATS.
I LEARNED TO BECAUSE HE’S ON THE
SHOW.
I LOVE THIS GUY, BUT THAT IS
CRAZY.
I DIDN’T MEAN CRAZY, I’M A
DOCTOR AS YOU KNOW, NEUROLOGY.
KAT.
THAT’S WHAT I SAY IN MY VAN.
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW
IT’S NOT LIKE OF WATER, LACK OF
POWER, IT’S NOT A MENTAL
ILLNESS, ITS WHITE RACISM THAT’S
AT THE ROOT OF THESE PROBLEMS?
>> I LOOKED AT THE ARTICLE AND
EVALUATED IT IF IT WERE A
RESEARCH PAPER, WHICH NOW JUST
MAKES TWICE -- I’LL USE MY
ENGLISH DEGREE.
PROBABLY THE ONLY TWO TIMES.
IT JUST DOESN’T ADD UP,
OBVIOUSLY, THERE IS NO EVIDENCE
TO BACK THAT CONCLUSION, BECAUSE
REALLY MOST OF THE ARTICLE SAYS
PEOPLE ARE UPSET ABOUT THE
RAMPANT HOMELESSNESS.
A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE HOMELESS
ARE PEOPLE OF COLOR, THEREFORE
YOU’RE A RACIST LIKE AWAITS, SO
IF YOU DON’T WANT PEOPLE OF
COLOR TO BE HOMELESS, THAT’S
RACIST?
THANKS ACTUALLY BACKWARDS, BUT
THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
STOP THINKING.
>> Greg: THE GOVERNOR HAS NOT
TALKED TO ANYBODY THAT HE HAS
BEEN -- DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THE HOMELESS OR THE DRUG
ADDICTED, THE MENTALLY ILL.
I’M NOT EVEN SURE HE KNEW SOME.