-Guys, there's so much going on right now.
Today, the President of the United States was impeached.
Over in Russia, Vladimir Putin is about to have
his big year-end press conference.
The movie "Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker"
comes out tomorrow.
And a man at a Nashville airport got busted with 84 pounds
of weed wrapped like Christmas presents.
There's a lot to go over.
Let's just jump in and cover it all at once.
It's time for a "News Smash."
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
[ Ding ]
-First, President Trump got impeached today,
and he's not happy about it.
He wrote an angry letter, sent hundreds of tweets,
and shouted at his staff.
He needs to chill out.
And you know what's great for chilling out?
Christmas weed.
84 pounds of it was found wrapped like presents
at the airport in Nashville.
That's enough weed to get you really high.
So high that you end up in
a galaxy far, far away.
The new "Star Wars" movie hits theaters tomorrow,
and there are so many questions left to be answered.
Will Luke come back? Will Kylo Ren win?
Will Rey change course and cross over to the dark side?
Tomorrow, Putin is holding his annual press conference,
where he talks to reporters for hours.
But no matter what he does or says,
there's no way he'll ever be impeached.
Trump is furious.
He spent the day yelling at his staff
and tweeting while he laid on the couch.
If he's not careful, he could end up looking like
Jabba the Hutt.
Now, that was a character.
He loved sitting around all day, eating snacks,
kind of like someone who loves Christmas weed.
When you get busted at the airport
for your Christmas cheer,
your Christmas cheer turns into Christmas fear.
If you're a reporter in Russia,
that's what you feel looking in Putin's eyes.
Ask the wrong question, and you could go missing.
You could disappear, just like Jar Jar Binks.
We won't see him in the new movie
and we won't see Baby Yoda either.
And when fans find out there's no little Baby Yoda,
J.J. Abrams is gonna get impeached.
So, in conclusion, may the force be with you.
May the Senate be with you.
[ Russian accent ] Don't worry. I'll be with you.
May the 420 be with you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
Well, guys, today, the House of Representatives
officially voted to impeach President Trump.
Of course, it's a dark stain on his legacy,
but on the bright side, Trump finally managed to win
a popular vote.
That's right.
Trump's allies are worried about the stain
that the impeachment will leave on his legacy.
Although, when a guy wears that much spray tan,
I don't think he cares about the stains he leaves behind.
Yep, today, Trump became the third
U.S. president to be impeached.
It was Bill Clinton in 1999, Andrew Johnson in 1868.
And this is crazy.
Back in 1868, Andrew Johnson was also impeached
for trying to dig up dirt on Joe Biden.
-Really?
-Yeah, what happened today is historic,
and experts are saying that this is what
we'll remember most about 2019.
Then Americans were like, "Oh, come on.
Have you seen Baby Yoda? Come on."
But Democrats are saying that it's a sad day
and that they're in mourning.
Some members actually wore black,
while, out of respect, Chuck Schumer
lowered his glasses even further down his nose.
Trump sent dozens of angry tweets all day.
He even tweeted that Democrats are the ones breaking the law,
writing, "How can they do that, too, and, yet,
impeach a very successful economy plus
President of the United States?"
Economy plus?
You'd think Trump would at least refer to himself
as business class.
-Yeah. -And this was everywhere.
-Economy. -[ As Trump ] I'm economy plus.
I'll take an emergency exit row. There's more leg room.
-[ As Trump ] I need the tie room."
-[ Normal voice ] This was everywhere.
During the debate, a Republican Congressman
compared Trump to Jesus.
I don't know.
If Trump were Jesus, I'm pretty sure we'd have seen him
turn water into Diet Coke already, right?
Of course, last night, Trump also sent
a six-page letter to Nancy Pelosi,
ranting about impeachment, the Democrats,
and pretty much everything on his mind.
And, today, he's even more upset,
because Nancy Pelosi just wrote back, "K."
All day, I saw that "merry Impeachmas"
was trending on twitter.
But to make sure everyone felt included,
Democrats were also saying "happy Donakkah."
-Yeah.
-Meanwhile, during the impeachment vote,
Trump actually held a campaign rally
in Michigan, at the Kellogg Arena.
You could tell Trump enjoyed the Kellogg Arena
when he fired Rudy Giuliani and replaced him
with the law firm of Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
I saw that someone in Ohio just won
the $372 million Mega Millions jackpot.
The winner is thrilled, while the guy who gave him the ticket
for Secret Santa just walked into the ocean.
And, finally, I read that kids are now using
money apps instead of piggy banks.
Money apps.
It's gonna get weirder when kids tell the Tooth Fairy,
"Just Venmo me."
Guys, we have a great show.