are you ready yes
for the first time i realized that his
addiction was bigger than either of us
i bowed my head and thought i can't fix
this it was the moment that i let go
it's been seven years since the passing
of one of the best actors of this
generation
philip seymour hoffman in an exclusive
and candid interview
hoffman's partner of 14 years mimi
o'donnell opened up about the loss of
her soulmate
a man that she had loved from the moment
she had met him and how his battle with
substance abuse
won the war over their relationship
before we get into it
remember to follow rumor juice and give
that notification bell a click so that
you can get notified as soon as we post
new videos
he was incredibly kind sensitive and
down to earth
his talent as an actor and performer
spoke for itself with his countless
awards under his belt
but despite his fame philip was still
the same man at heart he'd ride his bike
around town he'd go to the local coffee
shops to read scripts and hang out with
his kids
[Music]
he was always humble and took all his
roles seriously
some of his friends would have said
maybe too seriously he'd once told a
friend that he felt he'd done such a bad
job at a play that he wanted to move to
france and become an
english teacher he never made any
excuses for himself
and as one of his close friends ethan
hawk stated he went to war for his art
you know philip was the first one of my
generation to be
a fully actualized actor artist
you know he had something to say with
his work
with his theater company with the
choices he made
with the way he carried himself in the
world you know
he was a very serious person fame never
affected him
in fact the actor hated the lack of
anonymity that came with being a
successful actor
he wanted to be able to do what he loved
most without having to be pestered by
paparazzi
and having his personal life put on show
he actively chose not to speak about his
personal life
he didn't want his kids or his partner
mimi to have their pictures or
details plastered all over the tabloids
he believed that if there was less
information out there about him
and he came off as more mysterious that
people would find him
more interesting one thing he was always
open and honest about was his history
with addiction
even when he first met his partner mimi
he disclosed everything to her about his
history with substance abuse
he was in therapy and aa and most of his
friends were in the program
being sober and a recovering addict was
along with acting and directing
very much the focus of his life he told
her about his heavy drinking about
experimenting with more dangerous
substances
and how he was in rehab when he was just
22.
philip knew that just because he had
been sober for over 20 years
didn't mean that the battle was over he
had to do whatever it took to protect
his sobriety and he told mimi that it
didn't matter how much he loved her
but if she ever used drugs that the
relationship wouldn't work
the pair met in 1999 when mimi went in
for an interview to be a costume
designer
mimi described it as instant chemistry
and after meeting him she immediately
called her sister to gush about how
amazing he was
following which her sister said you're
going to marry him
though they were both in other
relationships at the time of their
meeting
mimi and phil worked on several projects
together and she designed the costumes
for all the shows he directed
they knew that they weren't allowed to
fall in love with each other yet
so they fell in love with their working
relationship it was almost as if they
were in sync with one another
then a few years later they both found
themselves single
and hoffman invited o'donnell for dinner
at a small italian restaurant
at first the two were worried that
they'd be risking their work
relationship by taking things to a more
intimate level but both knew their
feelings was real
and worth the risk after a few dates
mimi said to phil
i don't want to just see you casually
and see other people i want to be with
you
he immediately said yeah i'm all in
soon they were living together and she
gave birth to their first son
cooper in 2003. they went on to have two
more kids as the years went by
and one thing that philip always
insisted on was that the family never
spent more than two weeks apart
he wanted the family to be bonded and
not have to suffer because of his fast
climb up the hollywood ladder
when i look back at how close we all
were i wonder whether phil somehow knew
that he was going to die young
he never said those words but he lived
his life as if time was precious
for a while their life was almost
perfect both hoffman's and o'donnell's
careers were going well
they had three beautiful children they
had more money than they could ever have
hoped for and they were surrounded by
wonderful friends and family
and then everything changed i don't know
how the hell i'm going to do this at all
maybe it's time to go back out even
after all these years since his passing
mimi still can't seem to pinpoint any
sort of specific event or moment that
triggered phillips relapse
at the time she didn't know that
addiction is something that's always
hiding beneath the surface
looking for a moment of weakness to come
roaring back to life
there were very many things that could
have set him off the actor was left
devastated after his longtime therapist
passed away from cancer and he had also
had a recent fallout with some of his
very close friends from aaa
at the same time his career was
skyrocketing and he was making countless
movies
unfortunately the busier he got the less
time he had for aaa meetings
i do many many things
i am a writer a doctor a nuclear
physicist a theoretical philosopher
but above all i am a man
hopelessly inquisitive man just like you
everyone had known him to be sober for
over 20 years
they had no idea that phil had been at
war with the demon of addiction
and it was very slowly starting to win
the battle
throughout his sobriety his friend saw
him as an actor that was on an upward
spiral
and not a downward one phil believed
that you didn't need to die with a
needle in your arm to be considered a
great artist
but tragically things would very soon
take a drastic turn
in his life no one knows me no one
understands me
that's the other thing that changes as
you get older it's like everybody
understands you
but no one understands me hoffman
famously said in an interview
an honest opinion about how he felt
without having to divulge any
information about himself
what he said could not have been more
true i was
22 and i got panicked for my life it
really was it was just that
you know i don't want to sound too
dramatic and i don't want to make more
out of it than it was but i definitely
was
whatever i was doing made me worry
[Music]
if i was gonna be able to do the things
i wanted to do with my life
no one knew that behind his boundless
talent and charisma
lay a man that was fighting a deadly
battle mimi saw the first red flag when
philip asked her if he could try and
start drinking again
she of course said it was a terrible
idea despite her opinion
he started having a drink here and there
anyway but soon it wasn't just
alcohol he was dabbling with and
prescription medication came into play
as soon as phil started using heroin
again i sensed it
terrified i told him you're going to die
that's what happens with heroin
the actor gave into his addiction and
even after two trips back into rehab
after just a few days back at home he
would start using again
mimi would visit him in rehab and they
would have what she described as quote
among the most intimate moments of our
time together
phil was vulnerable and honest with her
about his ongoing struggle
once he returned home things were
different and the kids had begun to take
notice
it pained her to watch her partner a man
that she had loved for so many years
struggled to stay sober she realized
that his addiction was bigger than the
both of them
and it was winning the fight mimi and
the children were beginning to feel
anxious with him around
so as a mother she decided it'd be
better if phil moved into his own place
while his behavior was so unpredictable
hoffman still made sure to walk his kids
to school every day
and he was still present at family
dinners every evening
having his own place meant that the
actor spent a lot more time in isolation
and as his substance abuse became more
excessive he also started to be
irresponsible with his finances
knowing that he would end up blowing too
much cash he passed on all the financial
responsibility to mimi
it was around january while phil was
busy filming for the hunger games film
when he and o'donnell had started to
make yet another plan for him to go to
rehab
those around him were worried and his
friends made sure to keep an eye on him
as best
they could during that time however phil
was so good at isolating himself
or making people think that he was okay
that was difficult for his loved ones to
keep track of him
on sunday phil was supposed to pick up
his kids from school
and he didn't show up mimi fearing the
worst
called one of his closest friends
screenwriter david barkatz to go and
check up on him
the actor was found alone wearing shorts
and a t-shirt
lying on the floor of his apartment with
a needle sticking out of his arm
he had already passed away from what was
later deemed an accidental overdose
just one hour after mimi found out about
her partner's death
the rest of the world knew too
everything about it was made
public from how he was found to the
substances that were recovered in his
apartment
nothing was kept sacred she couldn't
even mourn his loss in private because
everyone knew what had happened
and the press did nothing but swarm
around her and pester her with questions
as a way to cope with her grief mimi
started to take up running
she would go late at night and even ran
through the rain the harder it would
rain
the faster she'd run the sound could
almost drown away her sorrows enough for
her to numb the pain of her loss for a
little while
mimi admits that the only thing that
kept her going throughout that dark time
was her children
despite being surrounded by loved ones
who did their best to comfort her and
give her advice on how to heal
she felt more alone than she ever had
before
the love of her life father of her kids
and partner for 14 years
was gone and she didn't know how to live
a life without him
i had been expecting him to die since
the day he started using a gun
but when it finally happened it hit me
with brutal force
i wasn't prepared there was no sense of
peace or relief
just ferocious pain and overwhelming
loss
you