Never ever thought I would be on a forum like this it's heartbreaking.
My wife of 19 years was cheating with a man and a woman.
I guess I wasn't enough.
I guess she had to try everything that was on the menu.
I thought we were a happy couple, but, I guess not.
How did I find out?
Well, my daughter happened to be using her mother's iPad one day.
When she started using it though, she was caught off guard by all of
these notifications, indicating who her mom had been messaging with.
Some messages were like baby I love you this much...
others were like, can't wait to kiss you.
My daughter caught my wife for red handed.
My wife is usually very discreet, so my daughter was caught by surprise
when she saw all these messages between her mom and some dude (AND A WOMAN).
Our daughter is 14 years old, and she only used her mom's iPad that day because her iPad was dead and was charging.
Mom was at work when she saw the messages, she immediately yelled out, DAD, come here, PLEASE!
I walked over, and she just showed me the iPad.
We were both in shock.
I told my daughter not to say anything to her mother.
I wasn't going to say anything right away, but I was going to talk to her about it.
So, I took the iPad from my daughter and made screenshots of all the
messages and sent them to my email and saved them to my Google photos.
After I gathered all of the evidence, I sat my daughter down and talked to her about cheating.
I wanted her to know that it was never okay to cheat on your spouse.
When my wife got home from work, she seemed to be in a good mood, but that was about to change.
I greeted her and asked her how her day was.
She said it was great.
I immediately said to her, can we talk for a second?
She said sure is everything okay?
I said, NO, everything is not okay.
You are cheating on me, and our daughter saw the messages on your iPad.
She saw messages from some guy and and a woman.
She started to cry and said she was sorry.
I asked her who the woman was.
And she told me it was a friend with who she had a relationship with in college.
I asked her how long this had been going on, and she told me about 7 months.
I couldn't believe that she would do this to me after everything I had done for her.
I told her she had some explaining to do, to her daughter.
And I told her she might have just ruined our 19 year marriage and our family.
After I told her that she walked away crying, I didn't even hug her.
She walked to our daughter's room.
When she went to our daughter's room and opened her door, it sounded like my daughter was crying.
She blurted out, MOM, how could you?
After hearing that.
I just felt bad for my daughter.
I don't think there was anything my wife could say to her to explain a way her actions.
Later that night, my wife tried to talk to me and apologize, but I really didn't want to hear it.
I couldn't trust anything that came out of her mouth and she sensed it.
That's when her demeanor changed, she stopped talking, became quiet.
I didn't sleep in the bed with her.
I slept in the guest bedroom.
I sincerely believe that was the beginning of the end for us.
The next few weeks went by and we barely spoke to each other.
I had pretty much moved into the guest bedroom.
My daughter basically stopped talking to her mother, only talked to her mother when she needed to, they used to hang
out and do things like go to the mall on weekends, do a little shopping.
That all but ceased.
My daughter told me that she doesn't think of her mom the same.
I told her you can't hold a grudge against your mother.
She said she knew that.
But right now, she was not ready to forgive her.
At such a young age, my daughter sounded very mature.
About 2 weeks had passed, and I noticed that my wife started coming home later from work.
So, I made it a point to look at her iPad again, but, guess what, it's nowhere to be found.
I usually get home from work before my wife does.
I asked my daughter has she seen her mother's iPad?
As you know, she uses it from time to time.
My daughter said she hasn't seen it.
She also said she doesn't want to use it anymore, she keeps her iPad charged now.
I work as a computer repair specialist and I get off at 4:00 PM.
My wife is a branch manager at a bank.
When I couldn't find her iPad, I realized she probably took it with her so it wouldn't be readily accessible.
That sent alarm bells to me.
I didn't waste any time, the next morning, I decided to hire a private investigator.
The fact that her tablet wasn't in the house was definitely a
deciding factor in me spending money to get more concrete proof.
I already know she was cheating.
But, to get a divorce here in Virginia.
I don't want to be separated, but if I wanted a divorce and fight for custody, I needed more concrete evidence.
The next day on my lunch break, I met with a private investigator, told him my situation and what proof I had.
I told him my daughter was the one who discovered that my wife was cheating.
I told the private investigator that I wanted him to gather as much information as he could.
I gave him photos of her, I gave him the address of her job, told him where she frequently goes for her lunch break.
After meeting with the private investigator and giving him all of the information.
I went back to work.
I had to stay later because I took an extended lunch break.
After work, I drove home.
When I walk into the house, I walked into my daughter and my wife arguing, I intervened and asked what was going on?
My daughter blurts out, that my wife is still talking to these people she apparently was cheating with.
I looked at her and asked her, was this true?
She threw her hands up in my face and walked off.
I asked my daughter was this true?
She said, my wife was charging her iPad in the kitchen and just happened to glance at her iPads lock screen.
And saw a text, that read,"Hey Baby", it was nice talking to you again yesterday.
Right then and there, I knew this marriage was over, but I had to get my proof first.
I was also thinking about custody of my daughter, which was going to be really really stressful for me.
So, the following day, I made a point to call a divorce attorney to
see what my options were and briefly discuss custody of my daughter.
I met with the divorce attorney the next day, and I told him that I hired a
private investigator because my daughter actually caught my wife cheating.
My daughter saw messages on my wife's iPad.
I told him based on my wife's actions, after an argument she had with our
daughter, I didn't think she was going to let me have full custody.
My attorney told me that was going to have to be decided in family court.
He says, you know the court only wants to do what's in the best interest of the child.
The attorney then tells me, I may want to hold off filing for the divorce first,
UNTIL, I had more concrete evidence of her infidelity, which made sense.
So, after talking with the attorney, I made my way home, on my way home, my daughter calls me crying.
I asked her what was wrong, she flat out said that she hated her mom.
I thought to myself, this is not going to be easy.
I simply told my daughter, she couldn't go through life hating her mother.
I said at some point she is going to have to forgive her.
I told her, no matter what, she is still your mom.
After calming her down a bit, my wife calls me and asks where I am.
I told her I was on my way home.
When I got home, my wife wanted to talk.
I asked her, what did she want to talk about?
She said she wanted to apologize for what she did, and ask could we try marriage counseling?
I took a deep breath and told her that counseling won't work for me.
And I don't trust you.
You can get your own counseling if you want.
But I don't want to do marriage counseling.
She just looks at me and walks away.
I didn't talk to her for the rest of the night.
My daughter slept in her room.
My wife slept in our room and I slept in the guest bedroom.
The next day after work, the private investigator calls me and says he has
some footage he wants me to review, and could I meet him for a few minutes?
We met at a McDonald's parking lot and he showed me footage of my wife leaving her job.
He says, I think she was going to lunch.
He followed her to a restaurant.
Met a woman, they embraced and kissed.
He watched them hold hands quite a bit while they were eating.
And they kissed a couple of times, he then asked me, did I want him to continue?
I told him yes, because she was apparently seeing a man as well.
He said he would continue his surveillance of my wife, and if he finds that she is indeed seeing a man, he would let me know.
But the next few days, she met this woman at various restaurants that was close to my wife's job.
The private investigator also said that the woman she was messing with also lives close to her job.
He continued to gather evidence over the course of a week.
Then, he finally caught her with a man.
But this time when she left work for her lunch break, she didn't go back to work.
The private investigator said when she left for lunch that day, she went into a gym, changed into some gym
clothes and came right back out and drove to a guy's house mid-afternoon.
He said she walked up, knocked on his door, he opened the door and they kissed each other.
At that moment, I told him to compile everything he had so I can take it to my attorney.
By the end of the week, the private investigator had sent me a link
to access his cloud account, and I downloaded the footage.
The next few days were stressful for me because I was going to file
for divorce and didn't want to leave my daughter alone with her mom.
But I didn't want to stay in the same house with my wife.
So one day when my wife was at work and my daughter was in school, I decided to
get most of my things out of the house and move them into my parents' house.
They know the situation and they are really sad and upset at my wife.
That day was the toughest, my daughter asking where I am, but my wife was home and she didn't ask.
I told my daughter that I was at her grandparents for a few days.
After work one day, I went to the divorce attorney's office and had him file the divorce papers on my behalf.
I was so nervous in doing so, because I can already feel that my wife is going to
go ballistic and probably use my daughter against me, or as a pawn in this divorce.
Well, about three weeks pass.
And my attorney called me and told me that my wife was served divorce papers.
I asked him when she was served.
He said that the server said he delivered them a little after 7:00 PM, Monday night.
The next day, my wife calls me, and the first thing she says, do you really want to do this?
I said yes, you cheated on me, and I no longer have the feelings I once had for you.
She hung up.
Then she sends me a text saying she will go for full custody of our daughter and she will fight for the house.
I didn't even respond.
Three weeks later, the divorce hearing is upon us.
We go into the courtroom, my daughter is with my wife.
But, when my daughter sees me, she starts crying and waves at me.
So my lawyer starts with that his client wants to divorce because he
found out that his wife was having an affair and wanted to end the marriage.
And he is not opposed to co-parenting their daughter.
My client hired a private investigator to get concrete proof that she was being unfaithful.
He is not asking for anything.
He just wants to divorce and will agree to any co-parenting plan that the court deems fit.
The judge looked at the footage we had and asked my wife's attorney.
Did he have a chance to show her this?
He indicated she looked at it.
The judge says she is pretty much guilty of infidelity and went ahead and granted me the divorce.
Then he asked, where was my daughter staying?
My attorney said she is staying with her mother in the marital home.
Then the judge asked both attorneys.
Did we have any kind of arrangement?
As far as custody is concerned, my attorney looked at me and
asked me, I said NO, her attorney asked her and she said NO.
So, the judge says, okay, I will set an evidentiary hearing to determine if there will be sole custody or joint custody.
He also said that even with joint custody, there will be some child support.
When the hearing ends, my daughter runs over to me and gives me a hug and says she misses me.
The judge saw that and shook his head, but didn't say anything.
So after the hearing, I tell my daughter, I will see her in a few days.
A week goes by and my ex wife calls me, and asked me, did I want to take my daughter for the weekend?
I told her, of course, then she says she was sorry for everything she did and ruining our marriage.
I didn't respond to that.
I simply said, just contact me and let me know when I can come get her.
During the week, we kept in touch, talking about custody, finances, and making arrangements for me to get her
during the week, and on the weekends, we agreed that she would stay with her mom because her school was close to the house.
My parents live at a minimum 35 minutes away.
Folks, I am grateful for the advice I got.
I don't think I would be back with another post.
I really don't think the custody hearing would be an issue.
I kept the text messages, my ex-wife and I exchanged, and I won't come
back just to tell everyone how much child support I have to pay.
It might be a couple hundred a month only because we have a child and she will stay on my insurance until she is 18.
Thank you again everyone.
This really didn't turn out so bad, with the exception of losing my wife, but she cheated and I couldn't get past it