- I drank my urine in front of a guest this year.
- Like your actual urine?
- Pissed in a cup and swallowed it.
(upbeat music)
- Hey guys, welcome to Stir Crazy.
The show that a global pandemic willed into existence.
My guest today is an actor,
comedian, and the next host of the Ellen DeGeneres Show.
It's the host of the Eric Andre Show, Eric Andre.
- What's up
- (laughs) That's what the kids say now, right?
Wassup?
- How are you at me?
Me likey.
- Me likey seeing you, sir.
I'm relieved that I feel
like you're Pavlovian response.
When you hear it's the Eric Andre Show
should be to destroy things,
but you're not doing that.
Thank you.
- No, I'm off the clock.
I'm very old now.
The show aged me.
- By the way, is this your apartment?
Your apartment looks remarkably like
a coffee shop in Los Angeles.
- I'm going to get my bathroom redone
so I'm like homeless during the day.
I'm a wanderer.
I'm a drifter.
I'm a loner.
Dottie a rebel.
Get a bio danke schoen.
Alone from night to night, ya find me?
Damn.
Papa's got a brand new bag. (chuckles)
- Oh no.
The meds have kicked in or they've run out?
What happened?
(both laugh)
- The SSRIs are long gone.
- I hear you've been making
a lot of cocktails in quarantine.
I've got my stash here.
Can you walk me through making
a delicious-- - Well what do ya got?
What ingredients you got?
(upbeat music)
- I got some mescal here.
I got some tequila, juices.
I got orange and grapefruit.
I got some limes.
I got gin, whiskey, campari, vodka.
- You can make a Paloma.
Do you have a jigger?
- [Host] I don't have a jigger.
I'm a novice man.
- Two ounces of tequila.
1.25 ounces of grapefruit juice.
We'll do 0.75 lime.
0.75 simple syrup.
- [Host] Any Bailey's?
I've got Bailey's here.
Should I add that to it?
- No, Bailey's necessary.
No gold Schlagger.
Club soda.
- Are you a happy drunk or an angry drunk?
What kind of a drunk are you?
- I'd say rum, happy drunk,
tequila, crazy drunk.
Vodka regular drunk,
whiskey angry drunk.
- Do you ever drink
while doing the Eric Andre Show
or is that a bad idea?
- No, just coffee.
On top of all the tensions.
My lips I'm off the clock.
I need the stress and anxiety
of my own Judaism boiling my brain
against my skull
or I'm not gonna
get anything done. - Right.
This is an exclusive, Eric.
This is our very first cooking segment.
- Put a garnish on there,
but like a lime wheel
or a grapefruit wedge.
Like a very thin, it should be able to float.
You drink with your eyes first they say.
You drink with your butt hole second.
You know what I mean?
(laughs) George Washington once said.
(man laughs)
In there.
How does it taste?
- That's like a Paloma.
From one talk show host to another,
I'm always looking for advice.
- I don't know (chuckles) if I have any good advice.
- Is making your guests feel comfortable--
- Is my ear pod thing over there?
- [Woman] What?
- Is my ear pod case over there?
- Have you been robbed?
What just happened?
Somebody.
- I got a hell's angel biker gang
all around me right now.
- (laughs) Is making
your guests-- - So what's your ad--
Uncomfortable?
- Well I was gonna say
is making your guests comfortable overrated
for a talk show host?
'Cause it doesn't seem.
Yeah. (laughs)
Congrats.
- The right thing to do
is make them comfortable.
So my approach is
to do everything wrong.
- Is there a good ice breaker question
to warm up a guest?
- Our icebreakers this year was just...
Have you ever done coke?
And the guests would never want
to answer that on camera.
Another icebreaker would be.
Who would you rather (beeps) your mom or your dad?
(man laughs)
- Right?
Because everybody knows that answer already.
So you've got it at your fingertips.
- The truth is out there already.
I'm at a live coffee shop.
- Yeah, no mask up, man.
This is a PSA.
What's on the mask?
Oprah.
Oh yeah.
The inspiration for the Eric Andre Show.
Have you ever tried to get Oprah on the show?
- She always wants to do it
and we just don't have the time
to slot her in.
- Right, right.
(both laughs)
You slotted in Lorenzo Lamas
because you wanted him instead of Oprah.
- No, I wish.
- I know we're outside already,
but I'd like to get some air on myself.
I'm cooped up in my New York apartment.
Would you indulge me?
Can we go outside?
- Sure, let's do it.
(upbeat music)
- Oh, look at this.
Is this your house?
What's that?
- No, it's a house.
It's a block away.
- How many people you think have been murdered there?
- I don't think you're committing fully to this bit.
I don't think.
- Me (laughs)?
- You're only like
half in the premise.
You guys did not flesh this out.
(man laughs)
I have notes and they're like,
all your act out is just like general Jew,
which is hovering.
Speakin' of Jews.
Here's a world war II beach.
(both laugh)
- We queued that up just for you.
- Oh and OJ.
And you gotta get my black side's attention.
You got OJ.
- Is it true
I've heard you were close friends with OJ Simpson.
Is that true?
- Yeah he's here at the coffee shop actually.
He got a job here.
The end.
(man laughs)
- Was that your favorite bit ever?
- I think I liked even better
your level of commitment.
You threw this bit under the bus.
- How dare you. (laughs)
So Eric it's been four long years
since the last season. - Yeah.
- What gives? - I put out the season
of the show like
with each presidential campaign.
- You also change up your look
on each season of the show.
This year you're somewhere in between
a Vin Diesel or a Pitbull.
- I look like Vin Diesel,
like six weeks after he died.
But so for season four, I lost weight,
got as pale as I could,
didn't brush or wash my hair.
Didn't use deodorant.
I just got like really dirty.
And then for the next season
I gained a bunch of weight.
I tanned every day.
I got rid of all my body hair.
I waxed my pubic hair
and I bleached my teeth.
And I would wear Brute cologne.
I did like everything on paper
that was like the opposite.
- How is the waxing of the pubic hair?
That sounds like a fun day.
- Horrible.
Brutal.
Never do it again.
Unbelievable pain.
(man chuckles)
Wouldn't wish it on my enemies.
You look like you play
a scientist in a movie with Morgan Freeman.
- (laughs) I would.
That's my goal in life.
Sir, if we don't stop the meteor
we're all gonna die.
How's that?
(man laughs)
- Lights, camera, show biz.
- Some provocative would you rather questions for you, Eric?
Are you ready?
- Yes.
(upbeat music)
- Would you rather (beeps) your mom or your dad?
- Both.
- Same time?
Wow. - Hell yeah, dude.
That is one Thanksgiving
I will never remember, Brother bear.
- Would you rather live inside the but of Jennifer Lopez
or the stomach of Jack Black?
- Gotta give it up from a main man, J. Bulls.
Jack Black all the way.
(man chuckles)
- Would you rather have a two-foot long penis
or two foot-long penises?
- The former.
- Would you rather have a 12-foot-long penis
or 12 one-foot penises?
- The one and only. - You still just want--
- I want like an (beeps) octopus down there.
It's horrendous.
- Would you rather get eaten by a grizzly bear
or swallowed by a Python?
- Python.
No, no, grizzly 'cause it'd be over quick.
- You think so?
I don't think.
I think he's going to chew on you.
It's gonna like..
It's not gonna...
- Well either is (beeps) misery, man.
I hate animals.
- Yeah.
- I only like dogs.
- You don't like dogs?
- I only like dogs.
- Sorry.
I'm not a good listener.
I apologize. (laughs)
Would you rather win an Academy award?
- Do you live with your longterm girlfriend?
- Why do you say long-term?
- I think of you as a serial monogamous.
- Married. - Taken.
- You got kids?
- No kids.
- You're going to be married to your wife
for a long time and you're going
to like put kids off for a long time
and then you're either going to have.
- How are you analyzing me?
What are you reading about me?
- Your wife is probably very smart.
Much smarter than you.
- Yeah, that's absolutely true.
She definitely settled.
- Definitely (laughs) settled.
Don't you feel like you have to like
dupe smart, beautiful women
into hanging out or like dating a man?
Like who would want a man around?
It's like dangerous first of all, men.
- Right, right.
- Completely dangerous.
They could murder you.
Disgusting.
- Oh I smell horrible.
- Hairy, shitting, and farting, and puking.
- How's your love life, Eric?
- It's good.
I said the same thing to my girlfriend.
I go, "You have to have this shitting,
fucking dangerous, disgusting."
- Just every day you wake up apologizing.
I'm so sorry.
I'm a monster.
Can we expect more bodily functions this season?
- But of course.
I drank my urine in front of a guest this year.
- Like your actual urine?
- Pissed in the cup and swallowed it.
- How did it taste?
It tasted like a hot Paloma. (laughs)
Cheers.
- Cheers. (laughs)
- I'll drink to that.
(upbeat music)