[Music]
mansell YouTube family I bowed to love
and a life that is absolutely in you
thank you for being you and for being on
the path to understanding self a little
bit more deeply and make no mistake if
you are on this path of self-discovery
and trying to evolve consciously and
trying to push past the pain that's been
downloaded into your body which by the
way is not your fault then you are a
warrior so thank you for taking time out
of your very busy day and taking part in
this video and so I've been asked to do
a video to help explain how to deal with
people who constantly judge you this is
a big one right so many of us come many
of us come from dysfunctional homes
we're being judged was the norm so we
got out of bed and we strolled into the
kitchen and we were hit with something
sarcastic you know maybe mom was
passive-aggressive or maybe dad was
overtly aggressive maybe you grew up in
a home where your parents were judging
one another and maybe you were up in a
home where your mom just herself you
know or your dad's judged himself or
they judged one another and so when you
are brought up in a home where parents
are not loving or you're brought up in a
home where you hear a mom or dad
constantly self criticized then you are
being downloaded brainwashed or
conditioned to have the same type of
mindset it's very very important to
understand that the mind the
subconscious mind is very much like a
garden and the environments that we live
in become like the seeds and every
experience that we experience gets
planted into the subconscious mind on
some level and it said that the brain
forgets nothing so imagine if you were
raised in a home where judging one
another where you got your that's what
you're witnessing every day mom and
dad's judging one another or let's say
you live with an extended family and
your mother is judging her sister or
your father is judging his brother or
your father is judging his your mom's
family whatever
it's this dis mood that you are raised
in that people aren't okay just being
themselves and it's okay to criticize
someone else especially if they're
different and so if you were raised in
that type of a home it's very likely
that feeling judged is it's sad but it
might be your norm and if you're
watching this video it may be the case
for you I know for myself I was very
criticized as a child and that stuck
with me and the tapes I called them in
my mind were always negative and they
were self-deprecating and I had
self-limiting beliefs I was always
putting myself down there is nothing
that anyone could have said to me on the
outside that I hadn't said to myself on
a very visceral level there is no one
could have been more venomous to me than
I was to myself and that's because of my
childhood experiences so I wanted to
preface this video with this type of
information so that you guys could take
a deep breath and understand that it's
not your fault if you've attracted
people who criticize you we attract what
we know and if we've suffered from some
type of an attachment trauma which
codependents have suffered attachment
trauma
we have been emotionally neglected and
abused sexually abused spiritually
abused physically abused
we have been abused by omission which is
in action as well as Kol mission which
is action so abuse isn't always doesn't
always come down to being punched in the
face or being kicked in the ass or being
slapped across the mouth or you know
being beaten with a belt or sexually
abused those that's abuse by Kol mission
when someone is actually physically
doing something to violate you you can
also be abused by omission you could be
you could have been neglected dental
care you could have been neglected
medical care you could have been denied
food you could have been denied proper
education and so it's important that we
understand that if we are suffering from
some type
codependency that is an indicator that
we've been abused so again not our fault
and I like to talk about this because
that helps eliminate shame it's very
important that we learned how to
eliminate shame so that we can move
forward in our life
shame keeps us stuck and so it's
important that you know that it's
important that you know that as an adult
if you've attracted people who criticize
you it's probably because that's been
your experience and I'd love to hear
your comments about that so please share
in the comment section because people
worldwide read these comments and if
it's happened to you chances are it may
have happened to someone else so now
here we are as adults and we're
attracting toxic people into our lives
whose agenda it is to judge us and to
criticize us and we all know when we are
hanging out with someone who looks at us
up and down or who waits for us to say
something and they have to say something
or we we interject into a conversation
that's when they begin berating us with
a bunch of questions to kind of like
prove our point
like we're not running for president and
we you know would treat we're
interrogated you know and we put on the
spot unnecessarily we may have said
something in jest and someone who's got
this agenda to humiliate us for the sake
of making themselves feel better is now
interrogating us and making us feel well
helping us to feel uncomfortable about
what happened
and we've probably all been in that
situation where you know we're fine
we're having a good time then all of a
sudden somebody out of the blue says
something really sarcastic
passive-aggressive judgmental and
critical of us and now the whole the
whole group is staring at us and we're
hemming homina homina homina we don't
know what to say next and then before
you know it we're fumbling what's our
words because the panic response has
been initiated in the brain and we can't
think straight and we don't know how to
set a boundary with other people and of
course if you haven't been taught how to
set boundaries or if your boundaries
have been violated as a child you don't
have the data for how to protect
yourself again dear ones it's not your
fault so in my life I've
obviously coming for the type of child
that I came from very well intended
parents but missed the mark which is the
definition of a sin I attracted people
who judged me and being a good
codependent I do what I could to try to
prove people that I was worthy of their
validation completely below the veil of
consciousness completely in as a car
toll would say in my pain body
completely stuck in the ego thinking
that I needed to protect myself from
these people and in protecting myself
the way I would do that was eventually
gain their validation to be good enough
for them which is a bunch of nonsense
totally living below the veil of
consciousness out of the out of the
reactive mind totally so as I started to
wake up I learn to identify behaviors
and other people now I've talked about
this before there's a difference between
discerning and judging somebody when we
walk into a zoo there are lots of signs
that say don't feed the Bears like don't
stick your arm in the bear cage you know
or don't lean over the gorilla cage or
because these signs are there to help us
identify when there is a danger right
and so these signs are created to help
protect us it's like a boundary for us
to pay attention to and so when we're
dealing with toxic people I find and it
worked for me and I hope it works for
you one of the most important and
effective tools that you can you can
actually think about is this idea of
discernment you've got to be able to
identify a toxic person so you can't fix
a hole in the wall you can't see right
so if we walk around feeling bad all the
time but we never ask ourselves why if
we walk around feeling wounded after
we've been with a bunch of people but we
don't understand why we don't take the
time to ask ourselves why it's very
difficult to be able to identify what
actually happened and who actually hurt
us and so my suggestion for this person
this youtuber who wrote me is you know
how do I deal with toxic people who I
feel very much criticized and judged by
the first thing that you want to do is
you might want to identify how you feel
around these people and then ask
yourself a couple of questions you know
who do I think made me feel
uncomfortable who do I feel judges me
unfairly who in this group makes me feel
the most on on edge and begin to
identify the personalities that you
exist with so that you can begin pulling
back discerning and detaching from the
situation rather than sinking down the
rabbit hole because that's what happens
to many of us who have been wounded when
we get wounded as adults that opens up
this pain vortex inside of us and it's
hard for us to think and we're
struggling and scrambling trying to keep
our head above water because you want so
much to be liked and so much to be loved
and in these moments were understanding
that we're getting rejected again and
it's very similar to our childhood
patterns it's like PTSD suddenly were
four years old and we're being told to
get away get away from my parents again
or being shoved off the couch or being
you know forgotten by our moms and our
dads would have you so it's not uncommon
for us to experience PTSD symptoms as
adults that mirror how we felt as
children so it's very very important
that you begin to identify the people in
your lives who begin to make you feel
uncomfortable just identify it don't
judge them for it just discern you want
to pin the tail on the donkey that helps
you feel grounded it gives you some
clarity and then what you want to do is
you want to ask yourself do I deserve
this have I done anything to deserve to
be judged have I judged this other
person if the answer is no then you have
probably identified a problematic person
in your life lots of times it happens is
people who like to joke around with
other people sometimes let's say for
instance in my case I may have joked
around with the best friends right and
thought nothing of it but maybe in a
crowd she may have remembered that time
six months ago and now in front of a
crowd she might want to try to get me
back for the time that I embarrassed her
when we were alone sometimes it happens
so we want to be very very careful and
but very very responsible that and make
sure that we have not caused
any of this to happen and if we have we
have to make amends for that we have
said okay I made fun of her six months
ago and now she's getting me back okay I
get it
but it's not going to happen anymore and
that's when you've learned to hold
yourself accountable you say I'm not
teasing her like that anyone I won't but
more often than not we attract people
into our lives who are toxic because
we've come from toxic homes and we're
attracting people and I'm not blaming
the victim this is simply the law of
attraction in action
and until we heal this vibration that
keeps us open to this toxic energy
unfortunately in my opinion in my very
humble opinion unfortunately this thing
continues to happen and once we finally
heal this vibration inside of us again
in my humble opinion it happens less and
less and less because people will know
your energy will shift and people will
know not to not to mess with you people
know oh she's got her stuff together
like if I start with her she's going to
come right at me you just your energy
changes and we've all seen it we're in
office situations or whatever and just
in fringe situations in school
environments there is a tender person
who will attract abuse from time to time
and we'll all ask ourselves like why
would that person pick on that person
because that person the weaker person or
the codependent person the softer kinder
person and by weaker I don't mean
anything negative I mean somebody who is
not looking to take advantage of someone
else so we're talking a wolf versus a
sheep right she just wants to eat some
grass and grain a wolf you want some
flesh you know or she wants some flesh
so that's what I mean I don't mean
anything else by that when I say weak
but when we have people who are willing
to take advantage of other people they
need a victim and the energy that we
give off is what other people are paying
attention to and so if I walk around you
know feeling like I need other people's
approval then I will attract people who
will abuse me it's a hand in a glove
unfortunately so how we deal with toxic
people is that we learn to identify the
toxic
toxic people in the life we learn to
identify how we feel about the people in
our life we ask ourselves have I
contributed to this dynamic at all and
if I have I'm going to stop I'm going to
pull back you know because I don't like
being made fun of or I don't like being
judged so I'm going to be very very
careful not not to judge anybody anymore
and if I hear my mind doing that thing
it used to do which I used to judge
people all the time my mother judged me
I grew up listening to keep my parents
judge people and unconsciously I was
judging judging myself and I could hear
myself judging people like what is she
doing wearing that outfit I had now I
checked myself I have no right to judge
anyone's outfit I that wasn't even my
thought that was programmed into me I
hated that there was a time of my life
where I judge people hated it hated it
and now what I try to teach my children
all the time is that person has a right
to have purple hair if she wants blue
hair or green hair it's none of your
damn business what color hair that
person says that person's hair is it's
not your business what they do in their
downtime it's not their business who
they none of your business who they love
so it's very very important that we take
responsibility for when we're being
judgmental and critical in our own heads
that will help stop that pattern when we
are dealing with people who we need to
set a boundary with sometimes there are
people that you can ask you can actually
set a boundary with and sometimes people
that you wish to set a boundary with are
not going to hear it it's only going to
make things worse and that's something
that you have to navigate on your own I
suggest that if this is not a
long-lasting friendship and this is just
an acquaintance I would spend less and
less time with people like that and I
would be very very attuned to who I hung
out with and if I felt myself being
judged and that's what happens the
better you get at discerning how other
people affect you and the better you get
at discerning their personalities the
quicker you will identify these
personalities in the future and the less
time you will spend with them another
thing that I do is I make sure not to
make eye contact with people that I kind
of feel off with I don't give them that
you know once you make eye contact
somebody I think it's a lot easier for
them to like take a jab at you so when
I'm around someone that I feel may be
made fun of someone else and I'm not
cool with that
I might not confront them but what I'll
do is I'll do what I can to avoid
eye-contact and I'll actually keep my
shoulder to them and protect my heart
space just something that I do it helps
in there though my glasses it helps me
to stay grounded and helps me to
remember that I have the power I don't
have to engage with this person
energetically so dear ones if this
person is a family member there might be
just so much that you can do my
suggestion is that you avoid this person
as much as possible as often as possible
journal about how you feel absolutely
get these feelings out you know if
possible go to a coda meeting go to an
al-anon meeting it's really important
that you find a support system to help
you deal with this you don't want to
keep this stuff inside of you learn how
to enforce boundaries with people even
if it means a physical boundary you'll
have to confront everybody all the time
and sometimes it's not the best case
scenario and in most often cases with
the narcissist you don't want to go toe
to toe with them because they're not
going to hear you and their agenda will
be to annihilate you maybe there are
some things that we can say to disarm
them and defuse a situation enough so
that you can get out of there but in
most cases you really don't want to go
toe to toe to a North with the
narcissist but toxic people in general I
would say learn how to spend less and
less time with them learn how to
identify them and always remember to be
self responsible and self accountable
and if you find yourself being critical
of other people even if it's just in
your own mind try to scale that back
very very important we're here to change
the vibrational patterns and us so that
we can change what's happening outside
of us again not blaming the victim at
all
just trying to help people understand
how these situations and how these
relationships get created in the first
place and they're not our fault if you
were judged as a child I'm not surprised
that you're attracting people who judge
you today and the less you judge
yourself the more you love yourself and
the more you accept other people for who
they are and you begin honing in on your
vibrations and avoiding people who don't
affect you well the easier it will be
for you to let people go dear ones it is
my honor and my pleasure to come into
your hearts and your home
today I vow to love and light that is
absolutely in you namaste
[Music]
you
[Music]