hey yo what up it's your boy jesus uh
aka
the messiah um sorry what was the other
thing you wanted me to say oh no you're
doing great
so tell us more about how you knew you
were the son of god
oh right um i mean
honestly it started with the miracles at
first it was great for party tricks
and people just thought i was doing
magic but then i realized i could cure
blindness
and all sorts of other cool stuff and
honestly
i'm like a real life superhero hey yo
everyone check this out
[Music]
jesus christ please just
call me jesus hey yo pizzas
honestly i think i'm in love with jesus
like i cannot praise this dude enough
hey anyone want shots
[Applause]
i haven't drank wine in months ever
since i walked in on jesus pouring shots
i just it just turned me off completely
it's nasty it's disgusting nobody knows
told us it was a toga party we would
have worn ours
so how did you even meet jesus oh we
matched on christian mingle
leave room for jesus
jesus is kind of weird around girls uh
don't tell me when i said this but i'm
pretty sure he has a foot fetish
hey uh jesus there's somebody at the
door
and they're not leaving hello sir do you
have a moment to talk about
jesus christ
jesus christ all right boys brought some
new friends
uh they're a little weird so just like
don't don't say anything but uh
let's party
[Music]
you need to turn that goddamn music down
or i swear to god i'll [ __ ]
each and every one of you
oh jimmy yeah uh yikes no he's like the
biggest party pooper ever i honestly
um no you know what they say gotta love
thy neighbor
all right all right sorry guys looks
like the party's over
ah some people just don't know how to
have fun
so i'm right here
yeah man i'm starving oh my dad tell me
about it
i feel like i haven't eaten for like 40
days yeah hey i'm gonna navigate
jesus take the wheel oh yeah no i got
you
hi welcome hi uh we have a reservation
for 13.
um for jesus
yeah yeah that works okay awesome right
this way
[Music]
listen i love the disciples okay don't
get me wrong but
they're a bunch of kiss asses so can i
get you guys anything to drink
um we'll just uh
we'll just have water
okay i'll be right back with this
jesus always hooks it up i haven't had
to pay for a drink
in years all right you guys guys guys
guys
let's say grace
[Music]
grace how's everything tasting guys i
brought you some more
bread
oh no i think we're good okay
hey simon enjoy the bread man last
supper
the what shopper what good bread yeah
judas is uh starting to freak me out a
little bit
what is that everyone's drunk surprise
surprise big whoop
um i'm not drinking still it's not fun
for me
jesus is like throwing up signs nobody
knows what they mean it's weird
i just have to sit here and deal with it
you know because i know where i come i
know where he's getting that one
it's not pure all right all right guys
settle down
i have an announcement to make one of
you
is going to betray me tonight
[Applause]
hey guys what if i flooded the earth
again
[Music]
jesus do you remember anything from last
night
no honestly i drank way too much
uh and um don't tell my dad but
um i smoked some of that devil's lettuce
it got pretty crossed
i could just take a nap for like three
days honestly
[Music]