Maybe you've been wondering about this. Let's talk about
how to start dating again as a single parent.
I'm a professional psychologist. I'm not your sister, I'm not your dad. But you're going to get
the same advice from everybody out there that you ask. Don't rush this. Don't rush it. Take
your time. You've heard about the rebound effect? If you've found yourself in circumstances where
you are now a single parent, it probably implies that there have been some changes
maybe recently in your life. The rebound effect is something that we refer to when people get
too quickly into a relationship after a previous relationship and they end up creating some of the
same issues and problems that occurred in that first one. So, don't rush it. Push the pause
button for just a minute. This is more important than it is urgent. And there's a difference.
So, wrap your head around that for starters. Let's give ourselves the time that we need to do
some other things to prepare to be ready for that relationship. I'm going to give you a few pointers
on things that are going to put you in a much better position to have a successful experience.
The reason we need to buy some time in the first place is because there's a healing process that
needs to happen. This is probably the most important item on the agenda. Give yourself
time to heal. I say that because usually when you end up in this situation it's either from
a divorce or a relationship ending or the death of a loved one. There are traumatic experiences
usually that have us in this position. Nobody usually signs up for this, right? "Oh, yeah,
I'll be a single parent!" It's not what you had in mind. So, typically there are some things that
you need to heal from. There's a lot of things that you get to do to take care of yourself.
That's why we're buying the time. And there's no particular time frame around this thing.
How long does it take? I get this question all the time. "How long is it going to take,
Doc? How long should it take?" Whatever time it takes is simply the time that it takes. Honor your
own journey and get whatever help you need to go through that healing process so that you're really
ready to move forward. Obviously, we could spend a lot more time on that previous point. The healing
that's necessary, the personal development. If you need more resources around that, get a coach. Come
over to Live On Purpose Central where we've got a lot of resources for you. Use the resources
that are there and do the work that is required. Now, here's an important point when it comes to
the new relationship. Better is always different. Think about what I just said. Better
is always different. Now, it's not true the other way around because different isn't always better.
And that's why we get a little nervous about going into a new adventure. Let's take a look at this as
an opportunity for an upgrade. And this is also an important point because we are not creating
a re-run. This is not a repeat or a re-run or a carbon copy of the previous relationship. It
can't be because this will be a whole new person. It's a little hard sometimes to clear our mind
of all of the expectations or the predictions that we have based on our previous experience.
We need to give this new relationship its own legs so that it can live on its own. It doesn't
live in the shadow of the old relationship. This is different for different people because of the
circumstances that they come into it. A divorce for example is a different dynamic from a death
or the loss of a loved one in that way. So, we'll handle those differently realizing that better
is always different. I've got one more tip for you today that has to do with your mindset.
Think for a moment about the difference between a mindset of abundance or a mindset of
scarcity. Abundance versus scarcity. If we come at this relationship with a scarcity mindset,
that has us thinking in ways of "Oh, there's never enough. There's not enough time. There's
not enough love, there's not enough money, there's not enough attention. I'm not enough without this
relationship." That creates, I call it a sucking feeling. You can almost hear it. Have you ever
been around someone who's trapped in scarcity? And it's like they're emotional vampires or they just
suck the life out of you? You don't want to be in this position. Your mindset makes a
difference. When you come at it from an abundant mindset, there's plenty. There's enough. You are
enough. It's not that you need this relationship. It's that you choose this relationship. Do
you feel the difference? And that creates a different energy with the people with whom you're
interacting as well. The abundance mindset assumes that there's plenty. There's enough and to spare.
When you think like this you bring so much to the relationship. And then it doesn't have to
be an apologetic, "Oh, can you accept me and my child and and all the needs that we have?" See,
that creates the draw the suck. Come at it from abundance. This is one of the most
powerful psychological tips that will put you in a position to create a great relationship that is an
upgrade from anything you've even experienced in the past. You've got this and you don't have to do
it alone. There are so many resources available to you as a single parent at Live On Purpose Central.
We've got coaching, we've got workshops and groups. There are parenting tools
there that are going to help you with that part of it and relationship resources.
go.liveonpurposecentral.com. Come check out what's available for you as a single parent.