Translator: Saif Alkilany Reviewer: Bob Prottas
You might have heard about them in the news -
They'd been called murderers,
violent,
destructive,
lawbreaking
and criminals.
And I can tell you that a lot of what you heard is true,
because I used to be a member of MS-13.
Today I'm going to tell you why I joined the gang
and how I eventually got out.
But first, let me take you all the way back to the beginning.
Picture this: El Salvador, the 1980s,
a brutally violent civil war;
military soldiers kicking in front doors
in the middle of the night;
kids hiding, shaking underneath their beds
as they heard the sounds of boots approaching;
mothers laying in puddles of their own blood
watching their children get taken away
and forced to join the war.
Thousands of Salvadorean refugees poured into the United States
desperate for a better life.
One of those refugees was a little boy named Nelson.
He and his family landed in a ghetto of Los Angeles.
While his parents worked multiple jobs to earn a living,
Nelson was alone a lot
in a new country,
trying to adapt to new customs, and a new language.
When he and the other Salvadorean kids went to school,
they were bullied by the Chicano kids
because of the different accents, and different cultures.
And one day, they had enough!
They took all the violence they'd known as kids,
all the anger they built up,
and they formed a group of their own:
MS-13
And so, the victims of bullying became the bullies themselves.
We've heard that story before, haven't we?
MS-13 is the tragic outcome of a tragic environment.
In 1996 the US government deported thousands of immigrants.
One of them was Nelson.
By now he was an adult,
he spoke English,
he wore the gangster clothing like the Nike Cortez shoes,
Dickies Pants, Panettone shirts and head bandannas.
He was full of tattoos.
He didn't fit into El Salvador's culture anymore,
and the young Selvadorians noticed
but they didn't bully him.
They were in awe of him.
He looked like one of those people from the movies:
they wanted to be just like him.
And that meant, that they wanted to join MS-13.
And so there you have it:
a country trying to recover and rebuild from a civil war
suddenly had the first ever gang problem on their hands
and it only got worse.
Now, I'm not Salvadorean.
I'm part Mexican and Argentinian and born in L.A.
But the neighborhood that I grew up in was MS-13 territory.
Even as a kid in elementary school,
I knew that I don't want to be a part of a gang.
My mother worked 14-hours a day at a Sweatshop
trying to make ends meet.
So I was out in the streets alone a lot.
One day, an MS-13 gang member pointed a gun at my face and robbed me.
So I would try to dodge them.
I'd leave through the back of my apartment building
and hopped over fences in order to avoid being seen.
But that meant I would enter another gang's territory
and they will approach me.
I would have to travel miles outside of my neighborhood
in order to escape the gangs.
No matter where I went, I wasn't safe.
I used to watch them from my apartment window.
One night they were in the streets celebrating this man
who had just made his way back from El Salvador.
Nelson!
Remember him?
He had respect, power and pride --
everything that I didn't have.
I wondered what it would be like to be him,
to be revered in your own neighborhood.
That night, I made a decision.
I was 14 years old and I was going to join MS-13.
After I was initiated, I felt relief instantly.
I'd walk around with my head up high.
Remember that theme song from Cheers where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came?
It was like that every day!
But it wasn't long before I regretted my decision.
You see, the rival gang members had found out that I chose MS-13 over them
and they were furious!
I became a target overnight!
But it was too late; what was I supposed to do?
It'd be like getting married in a week and you start like: "Uh man, I mean ..."
(Laughter)
I made a mistake!
(Laughter)
How do I get out of this?
But you can't; it's not that easy!
What would your friends and family say?
What would your new partner do?
So you stick it out!
And a few weeks later, you start telling yourself: "OK, this isn't so bad!"
I could stick this out!
Months pass by and you form a bond, a connection,
and you feel you'll do anything for that person.
I remember when I got my first MS-13 tattoo.
As that tattoo gun pierced my skin,
all I could think about what the love that I have for my gang!
And then my mom was going to be pretty furious if she found out about it.
(Laughter)
I couldn't wait to show off my new one to my homies,
a bond that'll be there for life,
and when I get locked up again I take my shirt off with pride.
I made bad choices.
I committed assaults and robberies
that would land me in jail for years as a juvenile.
In there, I got a reputation for starting fights with rival gang members.
Every time I got out, I gained even more respect.
My homies wanted to be just like me.
I felt that I owned their territory,
and no rival gang was going to go in there and disrespect it.
I was willing to defend it at all costs,
even if that meant me dying over it.
But sometimes I asked myself:
"Am I willing to spend the rest of my life in jail?"
I put my mom and grandma through a lot.
When I was out of jail they stayed up for hours lighting candles,
praying that it wasn't my dead body laying underneath that white sheet.
When I was in jail they visited me
and asked me when I was going to change.
I was tired ...
tired of seeing my family suffer,
tired of going to my friends' funerals.
My life had become the tragic outcome of a tragic environment.
My blind love for MS-13 started to fade.
I wanted to get out, but I just didn't know how.
Then one night, my whole life changed forever.
I was 20 years old, out in the street,
celebrating my recent jail release
when Alex Sanchez, a former MS-13 gang member that I looked up to, approached me.
He told me he had started this gang intervention group and wanted me to join.
I was thrilled.
Finally, I could get out.
But part of me was reluctant.
I had gained respect, power and pride within the gang,
and I just didn't know who I'd be without it again.
Then I looked up at my apartment building,
and standing there at the window was my younger brother staring at me
the same way that I would stare at Nelson.
I knew had to try to get out.
At my first meeting, I met rival gang members and their families,
and we found out that we all felt the same.
Their parents cried the same tears as my parents did.
The only thing that separated us was the name of the gang.
We learn how to express ourselves without using drugs and violence,
and the gang intervention group took us traveling to different places
to share our story
and more people listened.
The more we talked, the more we felt the sense of respect,
power
and pride.
I was able to fade away from the gang
and ultimately being able to leave it.
I thought that was the hard part,
but we were in the midst
of the Los Angeles Police Department's Rampart CRASH scandal.
Now, you would think that a police department would be welcoming
of a gang intervention group,
but they didn't.
Instead we were
searched without warrants,
stopped on baseless charges
and beaten on our way to our weekly gang intervention group.
We had gotten out, but we were being punished for what we had been.
Finally, I had enough and I moved to a friend's house in Colorado
for a chance of a better life.
I got a degree in criminal justice.
(Cheers) (Applause)
I worked in youth detention facilities as a youth counselor
to continue to get kids out of gangs.
I thought my gang problems were a thing of the past.
But then a few years later,
I was accused of moving to Colorado to start MS-13 criminal activities,
and unlawfully arrested again;
I couldn't believe it!
I was now in a federal courtroom,
facing a possible 48-year sentence.
For two years,
I studied my case.
I wrote my own court motions
and defended myself in court.
Finally, justice prevailed
and the jailer opened up my cell door
and told me that my case had been dismissed,
all of my charges have been dropped and that I was free to go.
(Cheers) (Applause)
But that was two years of my life gone,
punished by society for my past
even though I was trying to do everything to build a new future.
We all know that, it's important to get kids out of gangs,
but we forget that they aren't set up to succeed once they leave.
Most people join a gang because they feel disconnected, alone, alienated.
They just want to belong, to feel valued, to have a purpose.
Looking back, is there any surprise why I joined MS-13?
My mom worked around the clock.
I was alone a lot, and everybody around me was from a gang.
When I left MS-13, I had my gang intervention group to support me.
Most people are not that lucky.
They are judged and punished by society for their past
and they have nowhere to turn to and nowhere to go.
Seventy percent of kids who try to leave a gang,
but don't have another support system in place, fail.
Seventy percent.
I realized
that the only way to succeed
in getting kids out of gangs and keeping them out of gangs
is to create an environment
that's going to support them every step of the way.
Today,
I'm the executive director of Homies Unidos, Denver,
a gang violence prevention and intervention organization.
(Cheers) (Applause)
We empower youth and their families to become advocates of social change
rather than agents of self-destruction.
Let me give you an example.
Growing up, David was always told he was good for nothing.
As a teenager, he became heavily involved in gangs.
How did he get out and stay out?
First things first:
we helped David realize
that the sense of self-esteem that a gang provides you is false,
that you have to love yourself first;
nobody else can do that for you.
In talking groups, David and teens with similar experiences discussed
how their negative actions have impacted
their families,
their communities
and each other.
David began taking responsibility for his actions.
We helped him re-enroll into high school
and stay focused on his journey to graduation.
And then we filled his social life with community and activity.
We went fishing and camping,
to ball parks, and family fun centers.
We understand that strong families are key to violence prevention,
so we invited David's parents to our group sessions and activities.
These interactions build a mutual understanding across generations.
Finally,
we helped David realize the power in his own voice
to make that difference again.
He learned to organize youth groups
and then lead restorative justice conversations
with people that have been impacted by gang violence.
David has since graduated from high school,
he works as an electrician, he's attending college
and he's a frequent guest speaker and role model for youth in our groups.
(Cheers) (Applause)
These dramatic changes in David's life were only possible
because we surrounded him with the welcoming community
that was fully invested in his success.
In this way we have helped hundreds of kids get out of gangs
and stay out of gangs.
(Applause)
But we're only one organization.
As a society, we can all do better.
When we isolate people, alienate them and punish them for past mistakes,
we are just continuing the cycle.
If we want people to leave gangs and re-enter society,
then that means we have to let them re-enter society.
And that means attending school, living down the street
and having a job.
Would you be willing to hire a person with a criminal history?
What about if that person has an MS-13 tattoo on his face?
People just want to belong, to be a part of something.
We are the ones that can help them find it.
Thank you.
(Cheers) (Applause)