-Ray Romano. Welcome back.
Congrats on the movie. I'm very excited.
It's nice to see you. You look good. How have you been?
-I'm okay. I'm okay.
I actually -- I just got over COVID.
I hadn't had it. I assume...?
-Yeah, I did. Yeah.
-I got it about -- about a month ago.
-I'm happy you're fine. -Oh, it was fine.
Yeah, it was bad timing, actually, when I got it
because it was my wife's birthday.
My wife. You met my wife backstage.
-Beautiful. Yeah.
-Yeah, she was turning 60. -Is that right?
-So we had a big party planned. We came into New York.
And we had a restaurant rented out with friends,
families, and relatives, and then I got COVID.
And so two days later, the party.
And she was -- We have an apartment in New York.
She was walking through the elevator.
And this will tell you how long we've been married.
-Yeah. -I waved to her.
I was in my pajamas, you know, and I just waved.
I said, "Happy birthday," you know.
And she just looked at me.
I thought I would get, "We're going to miss you,"
or, "Hope you feel okay."
-Yeah. -And I got this.
"I feel like punching you."
Not kidding. Not kidding.
-"I feel like punching you." -Yes, 'cause she thought --
-Yeah, and now she's gotta go --
-She blamed me for the COVID 'cause...
'Cause she probably knew deep down
there was a little bit of me that was kind of happy.
-Happy to be home.
You're in pajamas. You're hanging out at home.
-But it's not true. It's not true.
-Yeah, but it wasn't -- It wasn't that bad, though, huh?
-No, no, it wasn't bad. I'm happy. I'm good. I'm glad.
I'm glad the numbers are down. I can't --
I dread if we ever have to do lockdown again.
How was lockdown for you? -Oh, it was terrible.
It was tough. -Because you have two --
-I have two little girls. Yeah.
-Okay, I have four children who are grown
and out of the house who came back for COVID.
They came back. Yeah, I have --
My daughter's the oldest. I have three boys.
They came back. A year and a half back in the house.
And when they left... -Man: Ooh!
-Yes, I learned something about my kids when they left.
My order of favorites has changed.
Yes.
No. I thought it was locked in.
You think it's for life. But they --
Four is still four.
Because he's horrible. That kid's horrible.
He's not going away. No, he's not going anywhere.
But I did a 1-and-3.
1 and 3 did a flip on me. -1 and 3.
-Yes, and for a number of reasons.
But the main one was -- During COVID --
Now, I was at the kitchen table with number 3.
It was me and number 3. Yeah. Greg.
Me and Greg. We gave him a name. Greg.
-That's nice of you.
-He has a name. -That's nice of you.
-And so it was me and Greg. And my wife was in the bathroom.
And all of a sudden she starts yelling from the bathroom,
you know, "Who was just in here?! Who was in here?
There's pee all over the floor."
Yeah. Oh, yeah. She was mad.
And Greg looked at me and he could see the guilt.
He could see the guilt in my eyes.
Yes.
And she's like, "Who was in here?"
And I didn't even -- I didn't ask Greg to do this,
but he just looked to the bathroom and he went,
"It was me, Mom." He took a bullet for me.
-Wow. -Yes.
-Wow.
-That's number 1. -Now he's number 1.
Moved him to number 1.
-That's automatic. That's automatic number 1.
-He jumped on a grenade for you.
-Yes, exactly.
So we have a new number 1. I'm sorry, Ali.
Sorry, my daughter.
My daughter's been number 1 since the day she was born.
-But she wasn't going to do that for you.
-No, no. She's smarter than the boys.
And she works harder than the boys.
But, yeah, she wouldn't have done that.
She wouldn't have done that. Well, she could --
Technically, she couldn't have convinced my wife...
[ Laughter ]
Yes. By the way -- By the way --
Yes, my wife, she knew.
My wife knew it was a male who got pee
"all over the floor."
I'm telling you. I went in there. Three drops.
It was three drops at the most, which you have --
Ladies, you have to give us three drops. We get three drops.
[ Laughter ]
That's the law -- That's physics. That's the --
But you know what I'm saying. That's the law of bounce.
It's the law of bounce.
-Yeah. You've been married -- You've been married a long time.
-I have been married a long time.
I won't even -- I don't even want to say the number.
It's -- I'll give you -- I'll give you an example
of how long I've been married.
If the "I want to punch you" is not a good enough example...
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -...here's a better one.
My son came over for dinner. Him and his girlfriend.
Matt. My son. Number 2. Number 2.
He could be 1. He's got potential.
-Okay. Okay.
-Yeah. He's got potential. He's got a --
He's got a ponytail that's holding him back right now.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[ Cymbals crash ] I can't. I can't.
Sorry, guys. Anybody up there with a ponytail?
I can't make -- Number 1 can't have a ponytail.
No, but --
But he came over with his girlfriend.
And it was very nice. It was us. We were having dinner.
It was in, you know -- at our house.
And in the middle of it, I get a text, and I look down,
and it's from my wife, who's right there.
She's sitting right in front of me.
Yeah. And it's just two words. "Chewing loud."
Yes.
[ Laughter ]
Yes. That's right. At first I thought
she was talking about the girlfriend, you know?
And I was like, "Oh. We're gonna trash?
Alright. That's great. Yeah."
"Yeah, you're right.
She's a horse. What's she doing?"
-Yeah, exactly. -But 35 years, actually.
-35 years. -35 years married.
-Yeah. -Ray!
[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you.
-Ray, 35 years married. -How long you?
-18. -18 for you?
-Yeah. -Wow.
-You're half. You're half. Almost half.
-Yeah, exactly. -Yeah.
-It will change.
But things will change in the second half.
It's great. I'm not complaining.
I have a great wife. I have a great marriage.
But things -- things are different.
When we have -- When we have sex now,
my wife actually has to take off her Apple Watch
'cause it keeps saying, "Time to move. Time to move."
[ Laughter ]
"Have you...
Have you fallen? Have you fallen?
Your pulse rate is too low. Your pulse rate is too low."
-"Did you fall?" -That deserved a thing.
-Yeah, that deserves a rim shot there.
I want to talk about -- -Oh, my gosh. "Did you fall?"
Can we talk about your film?
Your new film. "Somewhere in Queens."
-Yes. -This is a big deal.
You co-wrote it. You star in it.
And this is your first time ever directing.
-I did, yeah. -Ray Romano!
[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you.
-And you're getting great reviews.
But what is the inspiration behind this film?
-Well, it's based on what I was going through in my life.
My son, my youngest son -- six foot.
He's 6'5".
I don't know if you ever met him. Joe.
And he played on the high-school basketball team,
and I would go to the game.
It was so exciting to have a kid who was a star of basketball.
But we knew he wasn't going to play in college.
So the last game I went to, I went down on the court,
I hugged the coach, and I got emotional
because I was going to miss this with my son.
And if I'm being honest,
I was going to miss being the father,
you know, getting the attention.
It's pathetic. How sad. It's so sad.
I don't get enough attention.
You know, I'm on TV or whatever. I got to get more attention.
Right, right. But I just -- I just thought,
what if that was a guy, a poor guy
who that's all he had in his life?
He felt very small, you know, this working-class guy.
And that's all he had.
He lived vicariously through his son.
So that was the origin of the story.
And my agent convinced me to direct it.
I didn't want to direct it,
but he said it was too personal a story.
-But it worked. It's fantastic.
-Oh, yeah, it scared the hell out of me, but I did it.
-You did it, buddy. It's unbelievable. It's great.
-Thank you. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I want to show a clip.
Do you want -- Do you want to set the clip up?
-The clip is when my -- So, my son
is a introverted kid who doesn't say much.
He's shy. He's never had a girlfriend.
And after the game, we're meeting this girl
for the first time with my wife,
who is a typical overprotective Italian mother.
And this is it. -There you go.
-Here's Ray Romano in "Somewhere in Queens."
Check it out.
-It was really nice to finally meet you guys,
no thanks to this one.
[ Chuckles ] Bye.
[ Chuckles ] Wait. Come here.
-Oh. -Okay. Go.
-Come to dinner Sunday!
-Ma, she -- -I would love to.
I love Italian food.
-Okay. Sunday. 12:00.
-Dinner at 12:00. I love it. I'll be there. Thank you.
Now take me to work, boy! You want me to get fired?
Wait. I'm slipping.
-Kind of heavy. -Hey!
-Sorry.
-Do not [bleep] like her.
[ Laughter ]
-Excellent delivery right there.
Ray Romano, everybody.
"Somewhere in Queens" opens in theaters tomorrow.
Congratulations, buddy. Apple Watch. That's the best.
Zoe Lister-Jones joins us after the break.
Stick around, everybody.