( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK!
FOLKS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A "DAILY SHOW"
WRITER AND STAND-UP COMEDIAN MAKING HIS NETWORK TELEVISION
DEBUT.
PLEASE WELCOME RANDALL OTIS!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> YO, WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY?
GOOD TO SEE YOU PEOPLE.
YEAH.
I'M NOT-- I'M NOT FROM HERE ORIGINALLY.
I'M FROM FLORIDA WHERE-- I'M SORRY.
( LAUGHTER )
YOUR HEARTS.
( LAUGHTER )
OF ANY STATE.
LIKE, I MEET SOMEBODY ELSE FROM FLORIDA AND WE BOTH THINK LESS
OF EACH OTHER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
OKAY, LET'S NOT CLAP TOO HARD FOR THAT.
( LAUGHTER )
FROM A COOLER PLACE.
LIKE, I WANTED TO BE FROM ATLANTA SO BAD.
ATLANTA IS DOPE.
IT'S THE COOLEST PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN.
IT IS THE BLACKEST PLACE I'VE EVER BEEN.
AND I'VE BEEN TO AFRICA THREE TIMES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S HOW BLACK ATLANTA IS.
I CAN'T FRONT THOUGH.
I'M FROM A RICH SUBURB IN FLORIDA.
BUT MY DAD IS FROM COMPTON, BUT HE BECAME THIS REALLY SUCCESSFUL
BUSINESSMAN, BUT HE STILL BRINGS COMPTON ENERGY TO NON-COMPTON
SITUATIONS.
LIKE, I REMEMBER ONE TIME, ME AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY WERE
JUST CHILLING IN THE LIVING ROOM.
HE BUSTS IN LIKE, "YOU ALL GOING TO FINISH THIS CAVIAR?"
I'M LIKE ALL RIGHT.
WE LIVE IN A GATED COMMUNITY, MAN.
RELAX, YOU'RE SAFE.
HE'S ABSURD.
I REMEMBER ONE TIME WE WENT TO AN OPERA TOGETHER, MIDDLE OF THE
OPERA, HE JUST LEANS OVER TO ME LIKE, "DAMN, THESE BITCHES CAN
SING."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
HOW DID YOU MAKE IT THIS FAR?
WE'RE WEARING TUXEDOS, BRO.
MY MOM IS THE EXACT SAME WAY.
MY MOM GREW UP REAL POOR.
SHE'S DOING REAL WELL BUT IT'S HARD TO SHAKE THAT MENTALITY.
ONE TIME WE WENT TO THIS SUPER FANCY RESTAURANT, AND SHE HAS
THIS BRAND NEW CHANEL PURSE AND WHEN THE WAITER WALKED AWAY, SHE
STARTED STUFFING BREAD IN HER PURSE.
I SAID, "MA, WE HAVE BREAD AT HOME."
SHE SAID, "YEAH, I STOLE IT FROM THE OTHER RESTAURANT."
THEY RADICALIZED ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG.
WHEN I WAS A KID THEY READ EXCERPTS FROM MAT COMXX'S
AUTOBIOGRAPHY, AND I THEY HAD TO STOP BECAUSE I STARTED BEATING
UP KIDS ON THE PLAYGROUND.
AND THEY WERE ALL LIBERAL, KIDS, TOO-- "AH, WE DESERVED IT!
AH."
LOSERS.
I'M LIBERAL, BUT, DUDE, LIBERALS ARE SOME OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE
ON EARTH.
RICH LIBERALS ARE THE BEST BECAUSE THEY'RE VERY ASHAMED OF
ALL THE MONEY THEY HAVE.
I FEEL LIKE RICH LIBERALS WERE THE ONES WHO CREATED THAT IDEA
OF CHECKING YOUR PRIVILEGE JUST TO BE ABLE TO BRAG OPENLY.
LIKE, "YEAH, I'M A WHITE CIS GENDERED HETEROSEXUAL MALE,
PRIVATE JET, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S JUST SOMETHING I'M GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH."
( APPLAUSE )
LIFE, AND THIS IS MINE.
FLORIDA, IT'S, OBVIOUSLY, WAS VERY RACIST AS WELL, ONE OF THE
MOST RACIST THINGS I EVER HEARD WAS IN FLORIDA WHICH IS A GUY
WHO SAID-- "BACK IN THE DAY, MY FAMILY WOULD OWN YOUR FAMILY."
I WAS LIKE, "HONEY, YOU LEASE A FORD FOCUS.
YOU COULD NEVER AFFORD ME."
TA-TA!
( APPLAUSE )
BEFORE-- BEFORE I WAS A COMEDIAN I WAS ACTUALLY A DANCER FOR MOST
OF MY LIFE.
AND I WAS ALWAYS THE ONLY STRAIGHT DANCER IN EVERY TEAM I
WAS ON, AND I WAS NEVER THE BEST DANCER AND I FELT LIKE IT WAS
BECAUSE I WASN'T GAY, WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
BUT I FEEL LIKE HOW WHITE RAPPERS FEEL LIKE "I AM JUST A
GUEST IN THIS SPACE.
I KNOW MY POSITION."
( APPLAUSE )
"WHAT'S UP WITH YOU, MAN, ARE YOU GAY?"
"I WISH."
MAYBE I COULD NAIL A PIROUETTE FOR ONCE.
I'M REAL JUST BORING SEXUALLY.
IT MAKES ME ARTISTICALLY INSECURE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?
BECAUSE EVERY ARTIST, LIKE JAMES JOYCE HAD FETISHES, MOZART HAD
FETISHES.
IF I HEAR ABOUT A GUY WHO LIKES GETTING BREEP ON, I'M LIKE HE
PROBABLY GETS PAID REAL GOOD.
I'M SO BORING IS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'LL NEVER MAKE ANYTHING
GREAT.
I'LL BE HAVING MISSIONARY SEX AND I'LL BE ENJOYING IT, BUT
THERE'S A VOICE IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD, "THIS IS WHY YOU'RE
NEVER GOING TO WRITE A NOVEL."
( APPLAUSE )
FRENCH ART CRITIC IN MY BRAIN LIKE, "UNINSPIRED.
COME BACK WHEN YOU'RE HAVING SEX ON THE MOON."
( LAUGHTER )
BUT IN HIGH SCHOOL, YEAH, I WAS A DANCER.
I WAS ON THE DANCE TEAM, AND THE FOOTBALL TEAM.
SO IT WAS LIKE IF SPIKE LEE DIRECTED "HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL."
AND I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'S ANY THEATER KIDS IN HERE, BUT...
( APPLAUSE )
YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME LIKE, "I SHOULD BE UP THERE."
( LAUGHTER )
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
I FEEL LIKE IN HOLLYWOOD, IN MOVIES, WE'RE ALWAYS PORTRAYED
AS THE VICTIMS.
BUT IF YOU KNOW THEATER KIDS, THEY'RE SOME OF THE MEANEST
PEOPLE YOU'LL EVER MEET IN YOUR LIFE.
SERIOUSLY.
LIKE, I REMEMBER I WOULD LEAVE FOOTBALL PRACTICE TO GO DANCE.
ALL THE FOOTBALL PLAYERS WOULD CALL ME GAY.
I WAS LIKE, "I'M WORKING ON IT.
THE.
THE BUT THEN I WOULD LEAVE DANCE PRACTICE TO STUDY MY PLAY BOOK,
AND ALL THE DANCERS WOULD BE LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO
HUDDLE UP WITH YOUR BOYS AND HAVE SEX TOGETHER?"
AND I WAS LIKE WHAT?
I THOUGHT YOU ALL WERE GAY.
THEY WERE LIKE, "WE ARE, BUT WE'RE ALSO BITCHES."
WELCOME TO HIGH SCHOOL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER AT "RANDALL
OTIS TV."
RANDALL OTIS, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.