The Components of Understanding
We all strive to understand each other,
but despite our best intentions, we encounter upsets, differing
opinions, and misunderstandings.
"No, look, it's no good you just don't get it...none of you understand!"
We all have to work together...
Live side by side...
...and cooperate with one another, but sometimes it seems like this is easier
said than done.
"I can't do this anymore, I mean, I don't know what he wants or what I'm doing wrong!"
"How many times do I have to tell you,
you are grounded!"
We might have trouble getting along with a particular person in our life...
"I'm your father, come back here, young lady!"
Or, struggle to understand a new skill or a new tool.
If there was some way
to increase our understanding of people in situations
that would be a very valuable thing to know.
Well, in Scientology, it was discovered that all human relationships, and in fact,
any activity in life, can be improved
once you know what understanding really is.
You see, to understand anything or anyone
three things must be present,.. they are affinity, reality, and communication.
By 'affinity,' we mean emotional response. We mean the feeling of affection for
someone or something, or, the lack of it.
Now, 'reality,' is agreement.
What we agree to be real, IS real.
for instance, two people who both agree that a certain team is the best,
share the same reality on that subject.
And by 'communication,' we mean the interchange of ideas between two people.
"Go ahead, Joe"
"How's that, Bill?
"Beautiful Joe, looks perfect!"
Now, affinity, reality, and communication, are very much related.
You see, if you don't have any affinity for someone,
you won't find very much to agree about, and so there will be little if any
communication.
Likewise, without communication, there can be no agreed-upon reality, and therefore,
no affinity.
Have you ever tried to talk to an angry man?
He certainly doesn't have much affinity.
And he's clearly not in agreement with you.
And an angry man may be
shouting words, but he's definitely not in communication.
Affinity, reality, and communication, are so interdependent, one upon the other,
that you can think of them as a triangle.
To have any two corners,
you have to have the third.
In Scientology, this is referred to as
the 'A R C Triangle.' All three factors must
be present in any kind of relationship
for understanding to occur.
Here's an example, these two guys share a common reality about classic cars.
They both agree this is a great one.
"A 1957 Pontiac three-star Super Chief."
"They sure don't make em' like this anymore!"
"You got that right!" So, they have a high level of communication.
"Great job, pal!" And, they have a lot of affinity.
You could say that their A R C is high, and they understand each other, at least
when it comes to classic cars!
The A R C triangle has many valuable
applications in life,
you see, it's only necessary to improve
one corner of this triangle in order to
improve the remaining two corners.
For example, this father and daughter only have to find something they can
agree about... "Dad, is this yours?"
"Yeah"... to raise their reality about each other. "Pretty cool!"
"I have my moments!" This in turn will improve their level of
communication, and their affinity for each other will rise. On the other hand,
if one point of the triangle is lowered,
the other two are also lowered, for example
this guy just can't seem to get along with his mother-in-law,
he doesn't like her, and she can't stand him.
They have low affinity. Well how much do they agree on?
Odds are, not much, therefore they're not that real to one another,
Low reality. How willing is he to talk to her?
not a lot, low communication.
Now, if he just picks one corner of the
triangle and improves that, he'll
find the other two corners
will also improve.
Let's say he can find something they can agree upon, reality... "Marjorie,
I really like your roses, they're really pretty!" All of a sudden,
even if it's not a spectacular change, "Thank you!
they took a lot of hard work!
"I can imagine!"
"I breed them myself you know!"
He'll find she'll at least start to communicate with him, and their affinity
will begin to rise.
"Even the red ones and the purple ones?"
By raising each point of the triangle
they'll end up having higher and higher
A R C, and, understanding for each other.
This applies to any area of life.
Marriages...
Work...
Friendships...
and even when learning a new skill, or working with new tools...
The more you communicate with something, the more real it will become to you, and
the higher your affinity will be for it. In fact,
communication is the most important factor of the three.
"You see the main thing is that the chairs are ergonomic, comfortable..."
It might be said that the triangle begins with communication...
"Really good ideas!"
"That's great!"
In Scientology, you're going to learn much more about the A R C triangle and
its uses.
"Did you get the orchids?"
"Yes, I did!"
With it, you'll have the tools to increase your understanding of everyone you know,
or come in contact with, as well as the world around you.
"This is actually one of my favorite ones!"
By using affinity, reality, and communication, a better life, built on
understanding, is easily within reach.
"These lines of chairs that you designed are the best, they're absolutely gorgeous!"
"Thank you!"