- Today we're gonna talk
about the eight reasons why we can be afraid to
get better when struggling with an eating disorder.
And I know it may not make logical sense why
we would be scared.
I mean, we know we shouldn't have an eating disorder
and we know it's not good for us.
So then why don't we just want it to go away?
Well, the important thing to always remember
about eating disorders is that they are coping skills,
meaning that we use the control of food and our body
as a way to numb out from something else that's going on.
Because if we're thinking
about food and eating disorder behaviors 24/7,
that doesn't really leave much time
for any uncomfortable emotions
or disturbing memories, you know?
So let's get into the eight reasons why we may be afraid to
start our eating disorder recovery journey.
Number one, we can be afraid of gaining weight.
If our eating disorder was on the restrictive side,
then gaining weight is going to be part
of our recovery process.
And because we usually have some deeply held beliefs
about what gaining weight says about us,
it's gonna be hard and we can struggle
with our body image a lot during this time.
Also, it's important to remember
that our body requires nutrients
and energy to function properly,
therefore recovery isn't just about gaining weight,
but about regaining function and health.
And finally, since we aren't using our eating disorder
as actively anymore,
we can feel all the things that we've been numbing out from,
like maybe we are upset about a recent relationship ending
or we are finally recalling a past trauma
we've been trying our hardest to forget.
So all of that can come
up and make it kind of scary as well.
Reason number two is that we can wonder
who am I without my eating disorder?
When we've spent a lot of our life living
with an eating disorder, possibly through our younger years,
we can struggle to know who we are if it's gone.
Being numbed out by our focus
on food can mean that we're also numbed
out from what we like and what we don't like.
And trying to get back
in touch with ourselves can take time.
If we've always thought
that the only thing that made us special
or unique was our eating disorder,
then it could be hard to imagine our life without it.
But remember, an eating disorder only lies to us.
It's job is to steal us away
from our life so that we only think about it.
And it's already taken so much from you,
so don't let it take anymore.
And besides, we are all trying to figure
out who we are, we're always changing, right?
So know that you'll be in good company
as you get more in touch with yourself
and learn maybe what you like and what you don't like.
Number three, the fear of being alone with our thoughts.
Since our eating disorder was so good at distracting us
from any pain or upset we may be going through,
when we take that away,
it can all come flooding back and all at once,
at least that's what many
of my patients are worried is gonna happen.
And yes, you are correct.
You won't be able to numb out anymore.
And you will actually start to hear your own thoughts
and feel those pesky feelings.
But it's gonna be okay,
thoughts and feelings do pass.
And even if they are uncomfortable,
we will get through them.
And in all honesty, I find that at first
every thought and feeling seems loud or intense,
but that's just because we've been numbed out for so long.
If we give it time, it does get easier and more manageable
because we kind of get used to it, right?
And this can also be where copings skills can come in.
Things like journaling or using an impulse log,
talking to a friend or a family member who is supportive,
just to name a few.
All of those things can help us healthfully distract
from the overwhelm and also process the things
that do come up.
Number four is that recovery can feel out control.
And this one has always been so interesting to me
because the control that our eating disorder
has given us is honestly just an illusion.
Because if we were really in control of it,
then we could just stop it whenever we wanted to, right?
But instead it distracts us with something to do
in just a certain way in order to keep us
from think about or acknowledging all the things
in our life that we can't control.
In a way, recovery is actually taking the control back
from our eating disorder,
because it's been bossing us around
and has hurt us for long enough.
Let's be honest.
Number five, we can feel embarrassed or humiliated.
And this one honestly isn't talked about enough,
but we can struggle with people knowing
about our eating disorder and be embarrassed
that we even had one.
Not to mention that when we were
in the grips of our eating disorder,
we can do things we don't really want anybody to know about.
For example, I've had many patients who've abused laxatives
and there's some embarrassing things that can come
along with that, right?
We can get caught purging.
We can steal money from people to buy food and all sorts
of other things in order to keep our eating disorder going.
It can be hard to be honest
about this secret that we've kept for so long,
but try and remember that an eating disorder
is a mental illness.
It's not something that we choose,
nor is it something we can fix on our own.
And the cost of suffering is far greater
than any feeling of embarrassment.
Not to mention that we should evaluate where
this embarrassment is coming from.
And if it's rooted in a fear
of judgment from the people around us,
then perhaps we can challenge that by remembering
that those people should want us to be safe,
loved and healthy.
And if they don't, then maybe we should try to
get a healthy support system in place,
like finding a group to join online or in person,
or even being more active in our community.
Moving on to number six,
worrying that people will think of us differently.
And this rule's nicely often at number five
and could even be a product of it.
Because if we've done things that we're embarrassed
about in order to continue using our eating disorder,
than admitting that we have one and working to
get better means that other people are gonna know.
And since mental illnesses are often misunderstood
or even judged by people,
it can be scary to have people know,
which is why it's helpful to open
up to family and friends only as we are ready.
Even role playing it out with our therapist ahead
of time so that we're more prepared
and sure of what we want them to know about our ED.
Which is why it's helpful to open up
to family and friends only as we are ready,
even role play it out with your therapist ahead of time
so that you're more prepared and sure
of what you want them to know about your eating disorder.
And number seven is the fear of being and policed.
Especially if those around us think
that they are responsible for our recovery.
And I find this to be...
And number seven is the fear of being policed.
Especially if those around us think
that they're somehow responsible for our recovery.
And I find this to be common
with parents and spouses who struggle with boundaries,
or they tend to listen to fix instead of listening to learn.
And while we can worry that those
in our lives are gonna try and surveil what we eat,
how much, where, when, know that the best way out
of this is to educate them about our eating disorder
and tell them how they can help.
This could be done in a therapy session or on our own,
really depending on what feels best to you.
But the good news is that they want to help.
They just don't know how,
so letting them know how can help us
better manage this concern.
And finally, number eight,
the fear that even if we try our best,
we won't be able to recover.
Whenever we're working on ourselves,
it's completely normal to worry
that we won't be able to do it at all.
Any task is gonna look overwhelming when we focus only
on the outcome or the end goal.
Instead of thinking that we won't be able to recover,
how about considering what we can do
at this moment to choose recovery?
Just for now.
It's like that old saying by, I think it's Lao Tzu,
says the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
It's the truth though.
So stay focused on that one step.
Forget the finish line because trust me,
I've seen it time and time again, recovery is possible.
I hope you found that helpful
and it reminded you that you're not alone in your fears.
And if you feel I left any out,
please add those in the comments down below.
Thank you so much for watching and I will see you next time.
Bye.
(soft music)