Today I'm on the south coast to pick up my passenger, who five years ago
was a mortgage adviser, now is a defender in the Premier League.
Here he is.
HE LAUGHS
It's Tyrone Mings.
Hello, mate. How are you? I'm good.
How are you? Pop your seatbelt on. Let's get you to training.
I think you're the tallest person I've had in this car.
Really? Six foot five, yeah.
Cos I'm six foot-ish. That's my claim to fame. Yeah.
What are you laughing at?
Five years ago, you were playing at Chippenham Town
but you were also a mortgage adviser. Correct.
Do you still offer any mortgage advice to team-mates?
What do you mean, still?
Well, as in, like, do they go, "Oh, Tyrone, what should I get?
"Should I get a fixed rate or should I get a tracker?"
HE LAUGHS
No. Those days are gone, hopefully.
Have you got a mortgage? I have. Oh, good on you. What have you got?
I've got a tracker. You've got a tracker? I have, yeah.
I thought you would. Why did you think that?
You're a gambler, aren't you? Do you know what I mean?
Some footballers don't need a mortgage cos, you know,
they live in hotels, like Jose Mourinho and Zlatan Ibrahimovic...
Which brings me onto my next question.
Recently you played a game against Manchester United
and you and Zlatan got into a little bit of rumble tumble.
Did you mean it? No. You didn't? No.
And what happened in the aftermath? Did you realise you'd done it?
Yeah, yeah, I knew I had made contact with his hair...head.
But did you think, "Oh, I've just stamped on Zlatan's head?
"I don't think he's going to be too happy." It was more of a tread...
Yeah, a tread. ..than a stamp. Yeah, tread.
Have you spoken to Zlatan since?
No. I never spoke to him before either. Oh, really?
It's not like we're friends.
So you haven't slid into his DMs and been like, "Soz, Lats."
No. "Shall we meet up soon?" Yeah. "For a cheeky Nando's."
THEY LAUGH
Right, now it's time for taxi trivia.
Gary Lineker, he's done us a quiz. It's all about Bournemouth.
Couldn't it be about mortgages?
Mortgage trivia? Yeah.
I'm not sure if mortgage trivia would get much INTEREST.
That was good.
I'm 3-1 down to the players. I've got to win this. OK.
Lloyd and Tyrone, get your fingers ready to buzz. Hello, Gary.
Oh, it's pre-recorded.
Who is the only Premier League player to have been Zlataned?
CAVALRY HORN
Wait, me.
Tyrone Mings.
Good start, Gary.
Who is the only Norwegian Bournemouth player?
CAVALRY HORN
Josh King.
I knew that.
Josh King. Question three. Which team did Bournemouth beat
to record their first-ever Premier League win?
CAVALRY HORN
Come on, Lloyd. West Ham.
West Ham. Woo!
Why does Eddie Howe have a tattoo on his wrist?
POLICE SIREN
He doesn't know his left from his right.
After his beloved late dog, Rodney.
Oh. Sorry, Rodney. Sorry, Rodney.
What action is happening on the Bournemouth emblem?
I'm going to let you have it
cos I don't want to clean sweep you. Some birds flying.
CAVALRY HORN
Someone heading a ball. It's a man heading a football. Well done.
OK. That's what they call a clean sweep.
And you kept a clean sheet.
I did. I didn't let any in.
Now it's time for Paddlefoot. You ready? Yeah.
Wait!
One, two, two, four?
"One, two, three, four," I said.
No, you didn't, you said, "One, two, two, four." That's what threw me.
You ready?
Oh!
You nearly stamped on my head then.
OK, last go. All right.
12! Oh, 11 and a half.
That gets me off the bottom.
Troy's going to be absolutely livid about that.
The glove has written some questions.
I don't know what they are. You're going to have to answer them.
They're quickfire. Are you ready?
I'm ready. Pop your fist in.
So to speak.
What...? What a saying.
"What team did you support as a kid?"
Well, my family supported Liverpool. Right.
So I kind of went with the flow and I was a Liverpool fan as a kid.
So what happens when Bournemouth play Liverpool?
Well... Who do they support? The question said, "as a kid".
Oh! If there's another question that says, "who do you support now?"
Who do you support now?
Well, I'm not sure that I've been asked that yet.
Well, I'll ask that. Who do you support?
Cos I'm not sure the glove has put that question in.
Who do you support now? As an adult?
I support nobody. Genuinely, I just support Bournemouth
and want them to do well.
"Team-mate who'd be the worst mortgage adviser?"
Josh King. Yeah?
Always, whenever he gets something wrong, in English,
he always blames it on the fact that he's Norwegian.
Although he speaks perfect English.
Really? It's just whenever he makes a mistake.
I don't think he'd take much responsibility
if he ever got something wrong.
For example, if someone's house got repossessed...
He'd be like, "Sorry..." He'd be like, "Well, I'm Norwegian."
"I'm Norwegian." "What did you expect?"
"Where's my house?" "Sorry, love, I'm Norwegian."
"Why am I living in a caravan?"
"Did you read the small print? I'm from Norway."
"Team-mate with the worst taste in music." Oh, good question.
Adam Federici. Really? Yeah. Why, what's he playing?
You know the songs where you can almost air guitar to it?
Right? Like, that sort of... Rock songs? Yeah.
You can't have Van Halen, Jump
before you go out and play Liverpool, can you?
You don't know that song, do you? No. OK.
Van Halen? Yeah, Van Halen.
You've never heard of Van Halen, Jump? No. But...
I mean... Have you ever heard of Rick Ross? Yeah.
Wrestler.
No?
I always like to ask footballers what's in their wash bag.
Have you brought your wash bag with you? I have, yeah.
Talk me through it.
I've got some cream.
What kind of cream have you got? Laura Mercier.
Can I have a little smell?
Oh, that is nice! Is that face stuff?
Can I have a little...? No, I've got some face stuff in here, though.
Can I have a little bit of that? Bit of face cream? The first stuff?
No, that one. Sure.
Is it just normal face cream? Yeah. What is that?
It's called Oud Save the Queen, Atkinsons.
Have a little bang on there, please. Other perfumes are available.
Oh, that is nice.
Look at this, it's like a little racetrack.
I feel like I'm in Monaco.
So the training ground is by the football stadium. Behind, yeah.
No way. If you keep going round, there's, like, a pavilion.
This is ridiculous.
There you go. Cheers, mate.
No worries, pal.
That is £15, please.
What? 15 quid.
I don't have any money on me.
Come on, mate. You can't pick me up voluntary and then ask for money?
What do you do with a normal taxi? This isn't a normal taxi.
It is a normal taxi. I didn't ask for this.
Look, I'll take your face cream.
There you go.
Yeah, fine. Well, you can have the face cream if... How did it feel?
Genuinely, it feels quite nice. I'll take both.
Yeah, that's cool. Cheers, mate. I'll wait for you. Don't be long.
Brilliant. Thank you very much.
HE SNIFFS