- Today I wanna talk about a common issue
that a lot of copywriters run in to
when they start writing cold emails,
which is sending a landing page
when you should be sending a concise email to customers.
I wanna take you into the inbox and show you
this email, and let's go through how we can improve it.
So here's the email that's being sent out.
Off the bat, the font looks really weird.
And it's not just this email,
if we scroll up, his entire question,
Hey Alex, thanks for uploading great videos on YouTube.
Well, thank you for watching them.
I guess I have to make a video on
the correct fonts to use in your email inbox.
The answer is the default fonts.
It looks like this email is scrawled
on to some Dead Sea scrolls.
Okay, off the bat, hi Jo, exclamation point,
hope your week's going well, I read
the testimonial of Fiana on your site,
with her gentle yet focused approach
Jo has encouraged me to really examine my goals
and get, so I would stop reading right there.
It's just too much, but actually,
I'd stop reading with the font thing,
but I'm ignoring the font for now.
Let's take this email over to Google Docs
and we'll read the whole thing.
Alright, so here's the email.
Easiest way to get stuff in a normal font
is to go over and just hit clear formatting.
I wouldn't start with an exclamation point.
The good thing about this email
is a lot of the copy is usable.
What we're mainly gonna be doing
in this review is removing stuff.
First thing, hope your week's going well,
I read the testimonial of Fiana on your site,
with her gentle yet focused approach
Jo encouraged me to really examine my goals and get,
okay, so I would just remove this.
Great customization here.
If you can call out a specific testimonial
or a specific client, you don't have to
go into more detail about it.
Jo knows her testimonials better than you do.
So you copy-pasting a testimonial on there
isn't showing her anything that she doesn't already know,
and just slows the whole email down.
I was looking at your website and there are
some key changes you can make
to win more clients each month.
My guess is that right now, three biggest
wins for your business would be, the three biggest wins.
Why is it that all these emails have typos in them?
Here's a challenge for you, alright?
Send me a cold email, no typos,
and I'll send you a special gift, alright?
Send that email to alex@experiment27.com
I think just, just getting those bare minimums,
I'll give you, I'll give you a certificate.
Certified typo free.
Alright, my guess is that right now, the three
biggest wins for your business would be
getting more sign-ups for your 20-minute Consultation,
winning ideal clients for your Career Coaching,
clients who understand the value of your coaching,
increasing registrations for your online workshops,
I know all three of these are subtly different,
but they're the exact same thing.
They're all going for more clients or more coaching clients.
So, I'm anti bullet points in emails as well,
'cause it makes it look like a landing page.
This and then the testimonials,
which you put at the bottom of this email,
really slow this thing down.
Sending people the exact testimonials
and reviews, it's rough.
Put these on your site, for sure.
You could take this whole email and
put it into Squarespace and have a landing page.
If somebody pulls out their cellphone
and they're reading an email, they don't
wanna see all these testimonials.
They'll go to your site if they wanna see more info.
The point of an email is to raise awareness
that you exist and get them to meeting.
You don't need these testimonials to do that.
The other thing call to action on this,
if you are interested would it be okay to send you
a few ideas of how we could help?
You already sent the ideas using the bullet points,
so I don't know why that was in there.
So we'll change the CTA.
I was looking at your website,
and assuming your main goal is to
attract more coaching clients,
there are some key changes you could make
to win more every month.
So this was, assuming you're main goal
is to attract more coaching clients,
that's taking those three bullet points
and condensing them down to, what is that, nine words?
Recently, I like contractions to save time,
so changing we have to we've,
and other things like that because
I think it makes it look more human.
If you don't talk in contractions,
I would keep it the same way.
Or if you're unable to use contractions,
like Data or Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.
We've worked with a Real Estate Consultant
and Finance Coach to achieve the same results
using web design.
We'll change regards to thanks as well.
I'm always trying to push to be more human
and more real in these emails.
If you sign all your emails off with regards, do it.
Use best, use whatever you normally use.
I like thanks, it seems more casual to me.
So here's what we're looking at.
Hi Jo, came across your name on a list
of top personal development coaches
and read the testimonial of Fiana on your site.
You're doing a great service to people.
I was looking at the page and assuming
your main goal is to attract more coaching clients.
There are some changes you can make.
Recently, we've worked with a Real Estate Consultant
and a Finance Coach to achieve the same
results using web design and I'd be happy
to send over some case studies.
Want to hop on a call?
Let me know and I can send over a few times.
I have a ton of free ideas to share.
Thanks, Nishant.
And I think just fix the font here
and we will be done.
Good to send.
If you found this valuable, I'd love
if you would share it with a friend or two.
Also if you need help writing sales emails
for your agency or anything involving sales
or lead generation, please reach out to
experiment27.com.
We'd love to help, thanks.