Oh my freakin' lord.
Sup witches!
I'm not drinking and driving,
I'm driving while I'm drinking. Right, boys?!
Sounds like a dream, bro.
It felt like a dream, bro.
Sometimes our happy creamy feeling
just gets so full it comes out at night.
I was having happy dreams,
with a girl and--
Alright, Butters!
It's happy feelings, let's just not talk about it.
How's my baby?
You mean me or the little one?
I mean both.
HA HA HA HA!
As you get older, boobs...
these "atta,"
will start becoming a major part of your life.
Atta?
There are a lot of boobs out there, son.
But they're just boobs.
Your friends are forever.
I am the man of this house!
Fidget spinner, Tweek. Come on, son!
Aaah!
Well Dad, it was really great seeing you.
We'd love to stay for dinner
but the food here gives Sharon diarrhea.
KIDS THESE DAYS!!!
Goddamit! Don't you lecture me, you son of a bitch!
Ooh...yeah.
I'm sorry I've been so chauvinistic, Wendy.
I am pretty smart, yay.
I never really wanted to experiment with anything too crazy.
You know...
maybe just...
masturbate in front of another guy.
I was just doing it for the lulz.
I drive a hybrid.
It's much better for the environment.
THANKS!
I couldnt' stay away.
Curse your rockin' tits.
AAAH! YAAAAH!
If I catch any boys anywhere near this party
they're gonna be in a world of hurt.
I'm a big boy.
I took a big boy poop.
Oh, dude.
[ crying ]
I'm helping out the government.
It's top secret stuff.
Miller. Von Miller.
Hi, Skankhunt!
Oh my god. Oh shit.
OH SHIT! OH MY GOD!
OH GOD! OH NOOOOOOO!
Dad, I need you back home.
Kyle, you gotta lighten the fuck up, buddy.
If you’ll just... sign right here.
Everyday with you it’s, “Dad, I’m feeling guilty about this.”
“Dad, I’m so confused about that.”
You're a kid!
You're supposed to just laugh and make fun of shit.
[ farts and sniffs ]
Oh my Christ!
Stop being such a pussy. Ok, pal?
Fuck.
NOOOO!
Fuck you!
You got a problem, Stotch?!
Hehehehe!
Happy Witch Week!
OW!
Why is Hamburger Helper in a glass of milk, Butters?
Please do not adjust your televisions.
There you go, son.
Eat.
Our pantry is always kept organized alphabetically.
But somebody put the Hamburger Helper
Where the Nestle Quik is supposed to go!
Oh no, mister.
You are grounded!
Sometimes telling a little white lie is ok.
Like, for instance, when you catch your father jacking off in a gay mens bathhouse.
AH! BUTTERS!
Hi, Dad.
What keeps a family together, Butters?
A well organized pantry.
THAT'S RIGHT!
If you keep putting food back under the wrong letter
it all goes wrong!
I'M BUSTING MY ASS TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET!
You wanna go live with Kim Kardashian?!
She’s better than me because she’s got money?!
FUCK YOU, SON!
A man's wife is his life, Mr. UPS Man.
You think you're bad enough to fight me, you little shit?
OOOOH.
[ coughing ]
I'm white trash and I’m in trouble.
Aren't weekends just the best?
When you're unemployed weekends are meaningless.
Right.
Metrosexual means you're straight,
but you appreciate the gay culture.
Jesus. It's begun.
Aw, that hits the spot.
Makes me forget all about my shattered balls.
We treat our kids better and we don't beat each other up as much.
I work hard and provide for my family just fine.
Stuart, c’mon your house sucks.
OH, GOD.
Ow! My balls!
OH GOD!
Lord, though you for some reason find pleasure in watching us suffer,
still...we give thanks.
Amen.
BACK DOOR SLUTS 9!
Hi, is Craig here, sir?
Why can't you quit him?
I've come to ask you about the sexual abuse, Dad.
What the hell are you talking about?
I never sexually abused you.
I know!
I wanna know why not!
WHAT?!
Aaaaaahhhhh.
Agh. Aaaaggghhh.
Well it is a night for experimenting.
It sure is.
Ok, I'll start.
I love you.
Here's a hundred dollars.
Oh, that troublemaking son of ours!
OOOOHHHHH.
AAAAAHHHH!
Dad!
Well, tell you what...
let's leave the car here, walk home and watch the game.
C'mon!