Do you want to know how a growth mindset can improve love or family relationships?
I'm Nicholeen Peck, and I teach all about self-government.
Which is the means to improving your bond to connection and your family relationships,
and we're going to be talking about that growth mindset and its consequences in this video.
In this video, we're going to understand a growth mindset and then we're going to talk about how
that growth mindset impacts our relationships, our family, and our feeling of connection to other people.
When someone has a growth mindset. They believe that the most basic abilities can
develop through hard work and dedication. So that means that they know that they can work hard to
be better in their relationships or they could conquer a bad temper. A person who has
a growth mindset knows that they're not stuck where they are, that they can move forward.
Now, I've got to share an image with you. So often, when people think growth mindset they think of this
steady incline toward the top of the mountain. When in reality, a growth mindset ends up looking
more like a helix as you grow up, up, up. You kind of go around and learn lessons and then
things get bigger and bigger. Your understanding about yourself and the situation and how to
problem solve improves again and again. So, really, you don't always feel like you're moving quite as
fast as you would hope to but you are moving up up and your influence is expanding ever more as
you are improving on mastering some of those basic abilities. So, often nowadays, people put themselves
and others into boxes and they say to themselves, "Well, that person is just selfish", "Well, that person
is just not good at connecting with other people", "Well, that person just doesn't care about anyone else".
Whatever it is, we put the people in boxes. Sometimes we say to ourselves,
"Well, that's not how I am. I don't like having open communication. I don't like to talk to people that much".
Well, that doesn't mean that a person has to stay like that, does it? Years ago, there was a
book that came out that I remember my mother had me read. I think I was in high school and it was
called, "The Color Code" and in this book each person was assigned a certain color. Like you took a test
and it told you what type of a color you were, and I remember when I tested I thought,
"I don't know if I like those colors, I want to be different colors. What about some of these colors would be nice."
So, I decided right then that I wanted to have the best of all the colors and leave the worst
of each of those colors behind, why take the bad? I could just take the good. Now, for some people,
they might think that's not really possible because you are how you are. Nah, it is possible.
You can change things about yourself. By the time I was married and had a child and took the test again,
I scored differently. In fact, it was amazing to see how spread out my colors were.
But one of the colors which was a more dominant color had totally changed. Now, maybe we could say,
"Well, I was a teenager then and I was an adult now, and emotional levels change during that time hopefully.
So maybe that was the difference, maybe". But I had consciously worked on trying to develop
some other skills so that I wouldn't be so dominantly one color. Now, there are many books,
there are many programs, where you can learn your personality type and those are very interesting.
In fact, in many ways they're useful but they also trap us. A person who has a growth mindset decides,
"I'm not done becoming who I truly can become and I am going to keep improving again and again
no matter how much effort it takes". So, they have fortitude, they have persistence, and they
continually make plans even if they don't always succeed. Some basic abilities that improve our love
and our family relationships are being able to connect or bond with each other. Sometimes, they are
skills like being able to talk with a person openly or maybe even be able to take criticism.
Some people really struggle with that skill. Some people struggle with skills like patience.
These are all basic skills or abilities that will improve your connection to your family members.
So, step number one is, have someone tell you how you can improve. I know that seems ouchy right.
But if you really want to have a growth mindset you look at yourself and you say, "Really? what are
my problems? What are my biggest flaws? What are my biggest vices? What do I do in my relationships?
Maybe, I don't trust the goodness of another person. Maybe, I'm not calm". What are the things?
write them down and then after that don't show anyone your list. Ask someone you can trust,
and when they give you that funny look like, "What? I don't want to tell you", say, "No, really I'm trying to
develop a growth mindset. I want to improve myself. So please tell me the truth I'm ready to take it."
Because other people know how you can improve. So, add those things to your list thank those people
and then start preparing. So let's say patience is on your list, that's a pretty common one.
Before I go on to the next point, you might want to subscribe. Because I have a lot of content on this channel
and more that comes out every day that will help you grow. Because all of the things
I teach will help a person who has a growth mindset. Before I got married, my husband felt like that I
needed to know something very important about him. He said to me, "Honey, there's something you need
to know, I struggle with patience. I have always struggled with patience and I have been praying
to be more patient and better at patients. So, I can't promise you that I'm going to be perfect
at being patient", and that did kind of throw me off a little. I thought if he's telling me this
either he really cares about me loving him no matter what or it really is a problem and so,
I told him, "That's not a big deal, we'll work on that. We will keep working on patience. I will help you.
We'll make a plan for that. Because I love to make a plan for how to fix myself, right", and so we did
and we started working but it was a hard road for him. In fact, for many years he struggled and then
when we brought children into the mix he really wasn't getting what he felt like he wanted and so,
he had to work on his patients even harder. There were times where he would walk away because
he wanted to explode and he would maybe even not talk to me for a while or somebody else for a while.
Which is not really a good way to solve your problems. But that was the only thing he knew to do
in that minute when he was going to explode. He didn't want to explode. In fact, to his credit
throughout our whole married life. I've really only seen him explode a couple of times and that's
pretty remarkable for a person who has struggled with patience like he has. After a while, he didn't
have to walk away anymore. He kept working on his communication skills so that was the key thing.
See, we get held back in our relationships. In fact, our feelings of love even for a person
can be damaged or tainted because we don't know how to express ourselves
in a loving way that also handles a problem. Our family relationships need to be those places where
anything can be discussed. But if we struggle with something like impatience or lack of calmness.
It's gonna get in the way of that. So, what I started learning for myself was
how to be calm when someone else wasn't. How to help them have calmness without losing mind at
the same time. I started learning how to accept no answers and to disagree appropriately with people.
Why did I learn these things? Because I was teaching them to my foster children that I
had at the time and I felt like this is just sound advice and these are good skills for anybody no
matter their phase of life. Well, my husband started learning them too and they started making a huge difference.
We had some pretty troubled teens live with us for a number of years and there were some
intense moments and I saw my husband maintain his calmness and his patience, as he corrected them
and helped them through their problems. Why? Because he knew he had a problem, he identified it,
he asked me for help with it. We made a plan and then learned the skills we needed to accomplish
that plan. I'm still more patient than he is. But hedoes not let it get the better of him, it is very are.
I even see a glimpse of it. He has truly almost conquered that vice and our relationship
and our family relationships will never be the same because of it. There are many skills that you
might need to improve your family bonds. But one of the biggest skills that you can learn if you truly
do have a growth mindset and you want to improve those bonds and that love and the relationships
that you have is to learn calmness. Calmness requires patience it requires trust in
another person. It requires valuing the other people around you and it requires bonding and connection to truth.
Calmness is a principle that brings in so many other principles. So it's a vital skill to
develop and I want to help you develop it right now. If you're interested in calmness. If you want
to continue to grow and learn and become a better version of yourself and put in a little hard work.
Because that's what's required. Then I think you'll really enjoy my calm parenting toolkit
and I want to give it to you for free. There is a link below this video in the description that
will take you to the calm parenting toolkit. Go to that link right now and get started on this
mini-course that will help you improve many things about yourself through the lens of calmness.