- Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel
and we have a lovely special guest today.
(laughing)
- Oh, hello.
- I know you want us to hug...
- I'm back. - but that's not really..
- We don't... - That's not our vibe.
(laughing)
- [Instructor] Work. Work.
Superstar, where ya from? How's it going?
Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel - And I'm Katya.
And we are two Queens who like to watch.
- That's right we certainly do love to do that,
and together at last.
- Mmmm. (laughing)
For today's episode we have the
distinct pleasure of watching:
'I Care a Lot'. Which features Rosamund Pike
as a grifter who preys upon the elderly
until she meets her match in Dianne Wiest.
- Let me tell you about the old,
- Okay. - they're not just for (beep)
(laughing)
(dramatic music)
- Spoiler alert ahead,
- Because there are so many riveting plot twists.
Watch the movie, then come back to us.
You don't want to get this spoiled.
And also, we're here to spoil your sexuality.
Cause once you get a load of these two hot babes.
- Ahhh!
- Nut city.
- Just nut city.
- I heard there's lesbian things in this, so I'm ready.
- I'm ready, let's do it.
- Bring on the Lesbianism.
(chimes)
- Okay. Let's meet Rosamund Pike as Marla Grayson.
- You need that wig.
- Let's talk hair.
This is a person who should not be trusted
under any circumstances.
- Mm hmm.
- (male actor) Ms. Grayson forced my mother into the home.
When she made it very clear that she didn't want to go.
- [Katya] Now, right here, we have Ron Swanson.
- (laughing) Yes.
- She has kidnapped my mother.
- [Trixxie] This is about Brittany.
- You can't care for her by doing what she wants.
You have to do what she needs.
- That's me representing myself.
- And that is why I can care better...
(laughing)
- I'm gonna to call up my first witness, me
and then you walk behind that - Wig change.
And then you cross examine yourself.
Where were you on the night of February 57th.
- I'm so glad you asked.
- Well.
- Duh duh duh. (laughing)
(movie in background)
- This is what I do all day, every day I care.
- [Ron] I care a lot.
- This is me after picking up my boyfriend's mail once.
- Yes. (laughing)
- All I do is care.
All I do and him being emotional in court
and her being analytical and looking mostly at the judge.
It's very planned.
It reminds me of when I won back my daughter.
(laughing)
(movie dialogue) - I agree, order upheld.
(inhales) Fierce!
[Upbeat Music]
- Lezzie, Lezzie, McGuire.
- You won?
I did.
- (host) Love that hair cut.
- She is hot.
- I love a shag.
She's a maniac, maniac...
- Uh, Jennifer... - Yes.
- (beep) you! I hope you get murdered,
and I hope you get killed (beep) (beep).
(spitting)
- Oh!
- (beep) no, mother (beep).
- Did I write this?
(laughing) - I know!
- I mean...
- He really is...
- Damn! He's mad.
- [Trixxie] Yeah, he is angry
- If you ever threaten, touch or spit on me again
I will grab your (beep) and (beep)
and I will rip them clean off.
You understand?
(laughing)
- I will grab your-- (beep) (beep) and (beep).
- I will grab your (beep), (beep), and titties.
(movie in background)
- And I'll all grabbed the breast, boobs, titties (beep) and
balls and also, your (beep).
- And I'll grab, the (beep), wiener,
- And the (beep)
- And the (beep).
(laughing) And I will break them off.
And he's plucked, he's plucked.
Marla Grayson and her partner here
are stocking their next victim.
And I have to say, I don't just want inclusion
in movies.
Show gay people, for the often, awful people they are.
- No debt, no criminal record.
- [Katya] That's me with you and your daily activities.
Just taking pictures. (laughing)
- And she is sitting on a pile of cash. - Hmm.
- [Trixxie] Day drinking
- [Katya] Day drinking and E-Cigs.
- [Trixxie] People really vape.
- They do, smoking is embarrassing.
Vaping is humiliating.
- But drag, totally dignified.
- Absolutely.
(laughing)
- Karen.
- I'm sorry. Is it Kahrin?
- Pull the trigger on Jennifer Peterson.
- [Katya] Shoot her.
Just shoot her.
- Pull the trigger on her. Are you sure?
- I love day drinking.
- [Trixxie] You will never catch me before
(beep) 5:00 PM drinking.
- Really? - No, it just makes me tired.
- Interesting because I have these photographs
of you drinking and you're--
- It's me crouched naked with a flask.
(laughing)
- [Male Voice] Do you think you can take her on
as one of your wards?
I know you have a lot in your fold already.
- [Trixxie] Let me think about it.
- [Katya] I'll find a rib in my heart.
- Yes. If you need me to take care of her,
I can take care of her.
- I love this woman so far.
I know she's supposed to be a villain, whatever.
- Whatever, I don't care.
- Take the elderly, ring them out
like rags (beep) and get your hair cut every six days.
(chimes)
- Question for you? - Sure.
You are, um, entering the Twilight of your life.
Okay? Physical functions are, uh.
- Failing.
- Failing, ceasing.
Perhaps there's Alzheimer's on the horizon.
- Mm hmm.
What's your palliative care plan?
What's the, what's the goal?
What's the--
- Well my goal is to just keep saving money.
So that later on in life, I can pay people
to take care of me.
- And who are these people?
- Strangers. - Okay.
Young gay nurses would be great.
What do you think?
- Hmm, my family...
- You're not gonna make it.
- Mar, it's...
(laughing)
So I'm old-fashioned.
Once we get a real clear indication
that, it's, it's a wrap.
- It's a wrap.
You just roll me right off the edge of the cliff.
- Midsommer. - Yes.
Literally Midsommer.
- I'm talking. I want real height.
- Yeah.
- You're not going to whack me with a mallet,
cause it's gonna work the first time.
- Yeah, you should go big.
I want you to do like Sears Tower.
- Blow me up. Bam! (inaudible)
- Hell yeah, hell yeah.
Here's where they're going to arrive
at the home of Jennifer Peterson.
- Mm hmm.
Take her to a care facility.
I believe Dianne Wiest has an Oscar.
- She's got to have one.
- Let's get her one, if she doesn't have one.
(knocking)
- [Trixxie] Is that my hooker?
Is this about my Goop membership. (laughing)
- May I show you this?
- Oh, I'm going to need my reading glasses,
I'll be right back.
- See, can't take care of herself,
a danger to herself and to others. Blind.
- When we cease to be able to take
adequate care of ourselves, the state steps in to help.
- I'm not struggling.
- [Trixxie] I'm having the best sex of my life.
- You have to come with me.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- This is a court order and if you don't comply with it,
I'm afraid you may be in some trouble.
- [Trixxie] Are there cops there?
- The cops.
- Oh my God!
- Oh my God.
- Does this happen?
Is every movie based on real?
- The Titanic
- The Titanic, Corpse Bride.
(laughing)
- [Katya] Here's your blanket.
I don't want you to die of hypothermia.
- I would put an airline pillow around their neck
and two air pods in their nose for fake oxygen.
- Tape their head to the back of the headrest.
- Tape. (laughing)
This is horrible.
- Brittle bones.
- But it is funny. - Here's some vitamin D.
- [Katya] Me walking into Folsom.
- Yeah. (laughing)
- Wow. I'd forgotten how big they are.
- [Katya] Okay. A child's bed.
- It's kinda nice though.
A child's bed.
- Do you have a cell phone?
Unlock it.
I'll store my number.
- Oh my G-- No, no.
- Ooh, my own boyfriend of five years.
What's your passcode?
Wouldn't you like to (beep) know?
(laughing)
Like I'm not telling anybody that.
- He doesn't know your middle name.
- My Postmates, what's the door code?
I'm like, I live here,
not you. Unless you're delivering
and you live here. We're (beep) in the street.
I can't have you in here, my chotzkies.
- My water for Crystal.
- Uhh! My Faberge eggs.
(laughing)
- Take care of Ms. Peterson.
- [Trixxie] She was in her house vibing a couple hours ago.
Yeah. Now look, get your laws off my granny.
(techno music)
- eBay, here we come.
- Yes. See if this was two gay men grifting, they'd be like
well, we can't sell that,
I have to keep that.
- I know. (laughing)
That's gonna be perfect for the guest room.
- That's going into storage.
- Is this a yarn?
This is a yarn art.
Oh, I'm keeping that.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)
(both) Faberge eggs!
(laughing)
- Yes, yes!
- (inhales) It's the key to her chastity belt
[Beep] Cage.
(laughing)
- Wow, her (beep) cage!
- Plot twist.
(techno music)
Finally. I was like, are we
going to get a sex scene or not?
I love this movie.
- [Katya] This is great.
- This is [(Beep)
- I'm like genuinely, sincerely--
- You really had the nerve
to show us 18 Vanessa Hudgens movies a year
and then bust this out like it's nothing.
- Nothing.
(chimes)
- This is insanity.
- Is this really what happens to people,
is that are ignorant?
- I mean, imagine perhaps it does,
if a person is literally lying
in a hoarding nest filled with their own
(beep)
- Well, I guess if you were older
and wealthy and you didn't have children around you
somebody could just show up and said
your doctor says we have to take care of you.
And you know what I'm thinking too.
Some people might, after being told earnestly
that they can't take care of themselves.
They might be like, I can't.
- Oh, you're right.
- Now I'm afraid to be old with money.
- I know.
- They're going to 10-99 me.
That's a tax form.
They're going to 10-99 me.
(laughing)
(chimes)
- [Narrator] Now we enter the offices
of Jennifer's son who happens to be Oh, a Russian mob boss.
- [Katya] Oh, Peter Dinklage.
- Peter Dinklage.
(both) Oh my God.
Did you write this movie?
- I think I wrote this movie. - You wrote this movie
I think you wrote this movie.
- Did we lose any an in-transit?
- Three.
Oh (beep).
- Lost three women in-transit.
- That little minion with the blonde hair
has the same haircut
as the antagonist here.
- Oh my God, she does.
- She checked herself into a care home.
- No. She's there by court order.
She's now a ward of the state.
- This is a shift in the pot,
and the shift is called Wrong Queen monologuing.
- Exactly! (laughing)
Wrong kidnapping.
- How did this happen.
- Marla Grayson.
- Ah!
(chimes)
- So here we have Dianne Wiest's lawyer
trying to buy her back from Marla.
I'm about two clicks from being completely evil.
I think I'd be fabulous at her job.
- [Katya] You'd be ruthless.
- [Ericson] These all your wards?
- What can I do for you Mr. Ericson?
- Must be a hell of a responsibility, all these people.
- This is the serial killer's basement with the victims.
You know what I mean?
- I'm sorry, is that one of your headshots?
- Stop! (laughing)
- Are those all of your headshots.
- I'm not here to ruin your business,
I'm happy for you to keep milking
these poor vulnerable people
for as long as you damn well, please.
- [Trixxie] Just not this cow.
- She has very powerful friends who can make life
uncomfortable for you--
- I want to be in the mob.
This is fierce.
- No, I don't want to be the mob.
I wanna have family in the mob.
- Yes. I want to be untouchable.
Your brother, Brian, the faggy one.
Yeah, go down there and break his boyfriend's legs.
He won't take the trash out?
I want that. I'm like, (clapping)
- I wonder what, get the sledge hammer.
I wonder what Uncle Carmen would have to say about that.
- I don't have to do this.
- [Trixxie] You seemed ready to do it.
Yeah. Alligator suit.
- He opens it. I don't have to do this.
It's backgammon.
This is how we're going to settle this--
(laughing)
- Parcheesi. - Mahjong.
- It's $150,000 in cash.
I can go to 250.
- How about..
- 5 million? - 10 million.
- 5 Million?
- 3 Million.
- Curtis will validate your parking on the way out.
- [Trixxie] Oh my gosh she's a ball buster.
(chimes)
- [Katya] So spooked Marla goes back
to the care facility to confront
Jennifer on who the hell she hired
Work.
- Jennifer.
- [Katya] Hey (beep).
Hey flop.
- Jennifer. Do you know a man named Dean Erickson?
- [Trixxie] Is she drugged?
- Oh you are in trouble now.
- Ha. Really? Why?
Tell me who you are.
- Oh, you're a robber.
- Me on two gummies, but a Postmates arrives
that I don't remember ordering.
You're a robber.
Tell me who you are.
Jennifer. Tell me.
- [Trixxie] Jesus.
- I'm the worst mistake you'll ever make.
(laughing)
- Oh, they're gonna tie your (beep) to a cement brick
and throw it in the (beep) river girl. It's over.
- And I can make things very bad for you.
- Then have at it you little crock of (beep).
(laughing)
- Mother (beep).
- Crock of (beep) - C.O.C.
(chimes)
- Now let me ask you something.
- Yeah.
What would you do if I arrived with a bunch of guys
in white coats and try to cart you off to the funny farm.
- I would say,
what kind of food did they? - I was just going to say.
- Like honestly.
- Queen-size bed.
- Yeah, my mom who I love so much, she's taking care
of old people her whole life.
Being a caretaker has always been
like when it comes time for me, put me
to somewhere with people, my age, where I can be comfortable
and don't feel bad about it.
She would rather just not be a burden to her children.
And to me should be exclusively a burden.
I let her visit Los Angeles for one week a year.
I put her in the wheelchair.
I take her on a Hollywood Boulevard.
Then I say, don't touch anything.
She doesn't even stay the night.
She has an outgoing flight the same day.
- We drive her through West Hollywood beach
- We go back past the airport.
So, back to Roman, he's furious.
- [Katya] Okay. And he's ready to
send his goons to the care facility.
- Send in the goons,
What would you like mob name be?
You got a big--
[Beep]
- Gaping.
[Beep]
- Yeah, yeah.
- Jennifer Peterson is dead.
- [Trixxie] Oh my God. Jennifer Peterson is dead?
- [Katya] The plot thickens.
- The woman we have, Marla, isn't Jennifer Peterson,
she just stole the identity of a dead child.
- [Trixxie] Her real name Celene Dion.
I love these mobsters interpretation
of what nice people look
- Oh, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Tell you what, Why don't I try and get
Jennifer's guardian on the phone.
(taser. Groaning)
- Find her, go!
- There's nothing more comical
than like ham-fisted henchman.
- I know.
Like the... (sound effects)
- Are they gonna find her?
- [Katya] I doubt it. - No.
- Get down on the ground.
- Oh my God.
Do they just shoot people?
Shoot the tank. Shoot the tank. - Please.
- About (beep) time.
[Gunshots]
- [Katya] Oh, not a (beep) air-can.
- Not an animaniacs knockout.
- Seriously.
- [Trixxie] They're leaving him.
Get out.
- Hi.
(muffled conversation)
(chimes)
- [Trixxie] Okay. Well we've got another confrontation
at the care facility.
- Work.
- You are connected to the Russian mafia.
- He'll kill you next.
- [Trixxie] What is this vape?
I feel like it's getting bigger every shot.
- She's going to have this--
- [Trixxie] That is a Pillsbury can of biscuits.
- You're going to die in here alone and in terrible pain.
- Work!
- I mean, with this haircut, you're asking to be choked.
Look at this now. Oh, that neck.
- So now that they've put Jennifer in a psych hospital
they know the Russian mob is gonna on their (beep).
So they're preparing to leave town
- [Trixxie] Oh my God, in the leg.
- [Katya] What happened.
- Every single person that has ever been kidnapped
in the United States of America in a parking garage.
- I don't know.
I've never been kidnapped.
- Hello? Marla Grayson.
- [Katya] Yes.
- [Trixxie] I love it.
Torture the (beep) and let her have it.
That hair shake out.
- You remind me of someone I knew when I was younger
I cut all her fingers off with a bread knife.
She's buried underneath a Jimmy John's now.
- That woman, Denise Richards.
- Ow!
I would already be hurting this woman.
I'm sorry, I like, I will be snipping
the webbing of the fingers.
- We're not doing any chit chat,
we're not doing any chit chat
take one the ears, lets get cutting.
- And my bet is that $10 million.
That's not such a big deal for you.
- I love my mum I'm not giving 10 million.
I'm sorry, a buck fifty.
- Just pay me off, It's the easiest way.
- [Trixxie] I would kill her.
(intense music)
- [Katya] She's gonna survive that.
- [Trixxie] she's gonna survive.
- Oh Mary, this is not it.
She's going to live. And I'm going to be pissed.
- Of course she's going to live. I hate it.
(water splashing)
- [Trixxie] You and I are in the
background doing synchronized diving.
- [Katya] Yeah.
(chimes)
- Why do we think people driving cars
into oceans kills them automatically.
- Impact (beep) head against the dashboard.
Bam! not having any kind of
where with all to like take a deep breath
and start to re-strategized, but--
- I would damage her in a way
that puts her in a home for life app.
- Absolutely.
- How do you like how it feels?
- You do up medical, medical torture.
- Medical torture
- Psychosis. Well, not lobotomy
because you want her to be aware of her plate.
- Right? Crucially artist's curse.
Now can I offer you one of these
during this break in this film
- Thank you so much.
Is this real?
- What's the worst way to die?
- I mean, anything that involves pain
for more than three seconds.
- Meet and greet.
(laughing)
- Death by meet and greet.
Marla and Fran have made it
out alive and they're getting ready for revenge.
So your disguise is Dana Carvey?
- [Katya] I know Cersei from Game of Thrones.
- If you try to do something illegal
and you try to use a wig
it's going to be more of a red flag that it can't wash.
- That better be like a full lace,
that's kind of thin, you know.
(intense music)
- [Trixxie] she's like my revenge.
Take a big dump in the park garage. All levels
a six and a half inch wet turd on each level.
(laughing)
Will get the message across just fine.
- Where's Jackson?
- Hello again.
- Oh, love it - (beep) oh.
(chimes)
- All right a jogger is about to find
Roman's body and he's alive.
And they're gonna bring him to hospital,
Peter Dinklage, can I have your autograph?
Oh, she's there.
She's got fabulous shoes.
- [Katya] Incredible shoes.
- If you're going to be evil, do it in style (beep).
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You want to hear an interesting fact?
When an incapacitated
John Doe is found, the state automatically
appoints them a legal guardian
to oversee their treatment and welfare.
You know where this is going, right?
I can do whatever I want with you.
Now lets find a nurse to get that tube
out your throat, so you can arrange
for $10 million to be moved into my account.
- [Trixxie] I think you should start
with eating me out as an apology.
[Bell Rings]
- Ding dong. - Ding dong.
I wrote this movie, I wrote this movie.
(chimes)
- Peter Dinklage has asked Marla to be in like a team.
Cause he's like, you know what?
You are the worst,
but you are very smart.
- If you can't beat them, join 'em.
- Sometimes it's okay to work with people
you don't necessarily like
(laughing)
- [Narrator] Know who you are.
Ask yourself, am I an insider?
Or am I an outsider?
- [Trixxie] Is she evil? or is she just a bad(beep)?
- Well, she's definitely a bad(beep).
The real evil is the fact that what she's doing is
a hundred percent legal.
- That's the thing he's arguably worse,
If he's burying people under the Jimmy John's.
- Hey (beep).
- I don't have time.
(gun shot)
- No! Oh my God help.
- Work!
- Help, help!
- [Trixxie] Dianne Wiest, she is eating today.
- She's like....
(movie chatter) (laughing)
(chimes)
I love this movie.
This movie's good.
- This is fantastic.
- Damn! This movie has truly--
- Everything!
Dianne Wiest.
- Peter Dinklage.
- White suits
- Driving off the cliff. - Yeah.
Blow darts in the leg.
- Beard modeling.
- Needles in the neck.
- Nudity.
- Lesbianism - Lesbianism.
- Russian mafia.
- I love this. Go watch, 'I Care A lot'
on Netflix. Oh my God.
- It was riveting.
- I loved it.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- [Trixxie] Bye. See you at the elderly care center.
(regal music)