Becoming a YouTuber has changed my perspective on a lot of things.
I think the biggest is how I react to bad stuff.
Because if something awful happens, if the absolute worst thing you can imagine happens
to me, at the very least I can turn it into a video.
And really, the worse things are, the better the story.
So when something in my life goes wrong, there’s a tiny part of me that’s like, “OH YES!
CONTENT!”
YouTube has turned me into the ultimate optimist, because now, even the darkest of clouds can
have a silver lining.
So strap in, because my idiot self just went camping with some friends, and so many things
went wrong that if we don’t make it into a video I might actually die.
NEW PANTS!
LET’S GO!
It was a beautiful day in southern California, like most YouTubers I live in LA now, RIP
Boise you will be missed, and I had the bright idea to go camping.
“I should go camping with some friends” I said to myself, like a crazy person.
And I called up some friends to see what they thought.
“I don’t know...
I’m pretty busy.” said Jordan, busily.
“Pleeeease, we’ll have fun in the sun, and sleep under the stars, and make smores
over a nice warm fire.
It wouldn’t be camping without smores!
And um... you need to be here at like 6am does that work?”
“Mmm, okay.
But do you promise it’ll be super DUPER fun?”
“Haha, sure!”
Then I called Hazel and Alyssa and somehow made the outdoors sound like a pleasant change
of pace from making videos, instead of the machiavellian hell-world we were blissfully
unaware of, and that would soon consume our souls.
They were down to clown,
so I went to Target to get a tent, some water, and to jump on those concrete balls out front
because I might be in my 20’s, but I will never.
not.
climb... on Target’s balls.
Now there were a few things I didn’t buy, and a few of those were even on purpose!
Like in my mind, we didn’t need air mattresses, that would be too bougie.
If we brought air mattresses we might as well bring flat-screen TVs.
Where would we even plug them in?
A tree?
*uhguhg* Also, I didn’t think I needed to drop a
ton of money on a camping stove, because I saw like one Bon Appetit video where teen
heart-throb (and best YouTuber without a Twitter account) Brad Leone cooks a steak over a campfire
and was like, yeah...
I’m an expert.
Thanks a lot, Buh-rad.
(Just kidding, I love you.)
It turns out that an air mattress and proper cooking equipment are pretty important if
your plan is to venture into the wilderness and, you know, survive.
Like, you didn’t even finish boyscouts, you absolute child.
I didn’t know where a good place to camp would be, so I just kinda… picked one.
Most of the time I really agonize over decisions.
You know, see the whole picture.
Cover all the angles.
But for this trip I kinda figured that a campsite was a campsite, and it didn’t really matter
where we went.
Spoiler: I was wrong!
So the day came, and we headed up the mountain.
The road was twisting and turning, and I kinda started to feel sick, but I wasn’t gonna
let that get me down.
We were camping!
Further up the mountain, a cute little squirrel scampered out in front of us on that narrow
gravel road, *sigh* and I don’t think he had ever seen a car before because he stood
there in awe, as if this two ton chunk of alien metal flying toward him was the most
beautiful thing he had ever seen.
And I hope it was, because it was also the last thing he would ever see.
*single cry* We got to the campsite, and there were some
trees, but none of them were really tall enough or positioned correctly to provide any useful
shade.
We unloaded all the food and realized that we forgot the marshmallows.
And the graham crackers...
And the chocolate, so we couldn’t make s’mores.
But I wasn’t gonna let that get me down.
We were camping!
We sat around for a bit and played some games, got some sun, talked about our feelins…
got some more sun… *breathe in* we forgot the sunscreeeen…
*happily* Who wants burgers?
I pulled out the firewood and started to make a fire, but we didn’t have any lighter fluid,
and I thought that we didn’t need an axe because the firewood was pre-cut, right?
WRONG!
You need...
I mean, clearly I’m not an expert, but I think it would have been easier to get going
if some of the pieces were smaller.
And covered in lighter fluid.
Or gasoline!
Anyway, I saw this thing about how chips are flammable, so the minute I realized our big
bag of chips could be used as kindling, I took it away from everyone.
“No eat.
Only burn.”
But apparently bridges are the only thing I’m capable of burning because despite my
best efforts, the fire was a ridiculously smoky mess that nobody could get cozy-comfortable
next to without being blinded by a jetstream of ash and despair.
We tried to cook burgers over the fire, and like, a couple of them didn’t taste too
bad, but it had taken so long to get things going that everyone was pretty absurdly hungry,
so I think literally anything would have seemed appetizing at that point.
Even half-cooked burgers that made Hazel get sick and throw up.
But none of that could get us down!
Because we were… camping…
During the day, the surface temperature of Mars can reach 20 degrees Celsius, or about
70 degrees fahrenheit.
If not for the thin - nearly oxygenless - atmosphere, we earthlings might consider it comfortable.
But during the Martian night, which is only slightly longer than our own, temperatures
plunge to minus 153 degrees Celsius.
Far too cold for life - as we know - it to survive.
The sun went down at the campsite, and I gotta tell ya, I would rather have slept on Mars.
Jordan had long since set up shop in the jeep and was somewhat spared from the horrors that
were about to befall the rest of us.
Hazel was up through the night, sick as ever.
Alyssa’s extremities were so cold that she had to pretend her feet didn’t exist to
deal with the pain, everybody was sunburnt, and to top it all off, the ground was so bumpy
and sharp that it like… *tsk* really hurt my back.
We went to bed early to try and just end it all as quickly as possible, but you can only
sleep so much.
We woke up well before sunrise, and found it impossible to fall back asleep, so we broke
down the tents and packed everything up in the horrible frozen darkness.
I don’t think we left anything behind, but even if my fingers had fallen off I wouldn’t
have noticed or honestly even cared.
Despite all of that, I still had a lot of fun hanging out with my friends.
It definitely wasn’t worth it, but hey, at least we got a video out of it.
Rest in peace squirrelston, you will be missed.
I really hope you liked this video, because if you didn't, squirelston died in vain.
I don't make the rules.
So hit that subscribe button, it'll make all of your wildest dreams will come true.
Assuming you dream about more TimTom videos.
And when you're done with that please go check out Jordan's newest animation.
It's incredibly well done, and after that horrible camping trip, he deserves the views.