This is one of the most requested topics,
and today you're in luck because I feel oh so inspired
to dispel with the confusion.
As you already know,
there's this general feeling amongst both men and women
that nice guys are kind of s***t out of luck.
Why? Because they have to get mean in order to get a woman.
There's this idea that women like assholes.
Why Women Like Assholes
For those of you who don't know English so well,
an asshole is a guy who is unresponsive
to the feelings and needs of others.
He's intentionally cruel, obnoxious and heartless.
It is the masculine equivalent to a bitch.
Okay, so straight out of the gate, guess what?
Women don't actually like assholes.
In fact, they prefer men that are nice.
But I'm going to explain to you why it seems like women
like guys that are assholes.
Feminists beware,
I have to kind of warn you in advance,
a lot of the information that I'm gonna throw at you in this video
you're not gonna like and therefore are probably going to try to resist.
#1.
A woman isn't unattracted to a guy because he's nice,
she's unattracted to the guy because he lacks other qualities
which a woman not only is attracted to,
but needs in order to feel good in a relationship.
We could call these traits "masculine traits"
and the men within society
who are traditionally labeled as "nice guys"
or worse, who identify with being a "nice guy",
genuinely tend to lack these traits.
Therefore, because of attraction to these traits which those men lack
and also the need for them in order to feel good in a relationship,
most women actually feel "forced" to being with a guy
who has those traits,
even if it comes with that nasty side dish
of some undesirable character traits.
Nice guys tend to be passive,
submissive, inactive and retreating.
They tend to follow, instead of lead.
They can be codependent and insecure.
They're usually always agreeable to the degree that they lack boundaries
and a sense of what's actually good or safe.
They tend to feel energetically small
and therefore unable to protect and contain a woman.
To the opposite, men who are masculine tend to take the leadership role.
They're protective, they have direction in life,
they're creative, they are strong,
they tend to provide,
they have good social skills,
they have drive,
they're encouraging, possess charisma and confidence,
they tend to have high energy levels,
they take positive ownership of the woman in their life.
They take action,
they provide containment for the feminine.
In other words it has nothing to do with whether or not a guy is nice.
In fact, when men say:
"Well no woman really wants me because I'm a nice guy",
that's actually just a cop-out.
It's a way of avoiding looking at the real issue,
which is the fact that men who say that
lack these qualities which women need
in a relationship in order to feel good.
And guess what?
You really need to separate niceness
from this whole conversation we're having,
because a guy could have all of those traits
and be a super nice guy,
and pretty much every woman would prefer that guy.
So the real question is:
why would a woman choose an asshole with those traits
over a nice guy without those traits?
#2. The first thing we're going to do is look at biology.
Now I need you to keep in mind,
especially because so many of my viewers are spiritual in nature,
I need you to keep in mind that we are in a physical body.
That means that biology absolutely does apply to you
and we are not here to transcend the physical
or transcend the temporal, we are here to integrate it.
So what I'm about to tell you is an element of female biology
that does not need to be "fixed".
We may prefer to have evolution have changed this already,
but it's not the reality.
For a woman, physically,
attraction is about matching up with a person who will protect you,
produce healthy offspring
and provide for you and those offspring.
The man is your ticket to survival.
No matter how much the modern world has changed
and no matter how much feminists absolutely hate looking at that truth,
it's still the truth for women today on a physical biological level.
A vulnerable male,
leaves a woman in the position to feel like she has to do it all herself
and fend for herself.
This means that a male who lacks masculinity or those masculine traits
which a woman needs in a relationship in order to feel good,
she ultimately feels alone,
or at best, with a nice sidekick or servant.
But, with a sidekick or servant, at best,
she's not with somebody who can actually contain and protect her
and so in fact, all the pressure of the world is on her.
and that's not a natural state of being for a physical female.
Also, for women fear is woven into her biological experience.
It is encoded in her entire nervous system.
Essentially fear is the baseline experience for women on earth
whether they are aware of it or not.
And guess what?
When a woman has people they care about
like a partner and like children, this fear only multiplies.
If you want to understand more about this, watch my video titled:
What Every Man Needs To Know About Women
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how nice a guy is,
if he can't provide a woman with the feeling that she is contained.
She will feel exposed to the world
and therefore like there's nothing between herself
and all the various threats in the world.
On top of this, most of these masculine traits
are associated so strongly with testosterone,
things like confidence,
and the reality is, higher testosterone levels
the more attracted you're going to be to a man.
Especially, when a woman's ovulating.
#3. At all the different levels of reality
feminine energy and masculine energy are very different.
Now, they tend to fuel each other in a positive way.
What I mean by this is that when somebody is truly in masculine energy
it tends to call feminine energy into its power and vice versa.
It feels good for a woman
to be in the natural expression of her feminine energy.
But, men are the initiators, right?
Masculine energy is the initiative energy
and when a masculine energy flips,
when a man is not in his masculinity,
the polarity flips.
Now, polarity flips within a relationship
are one of the main causes of relationship issues
in the modern world today.
A flip in polarity in a relationship
makes it so that a woman can't actually be in her feminine expression
when she wants to be.
I need to explain something quickly,
when men are being trained by their parents
or by modern society to be "nice guys",
I don't want you to really fall for that, because it's a smoke screen.
When parents or society says:
"We're teaching our son to be a nice guy",
usually what that means really, is:
"We're teaching him to not be a man"
"We're stripping him of his masculine traits".
Another way of saying this is:
"We're stripping him of his natural power".
When a man begins to act passive, submissive, inactive and retreating
when he makes it a habit to follow, instead of to lead,
becomes codependent or insecure,
or agreeable to the degree that he lacks boundaries
and a sense of what's actually good or safe,
when he's unable to take positive ownership of a woman
he cannot provide containment,
he does not create security,
he tends also to not be very responsible,
therefore a woman compensates by becoming masculine.
This means the tissues of her body
begin to become hard, contracted and metallic.
Her body becomes armored.
This is very opposite to this soft receptive energy
which is natural to femininity.
This woman becomes stressed
because all of the pressure goes on to her.
This is a woman who has to step up and take the leadership role.
Women in this position feel as if they have to defend themselves
and because there's not much there by way of container,
that's really down to being able to control everything.
When this polarity in a relationship between a man and a woman is flipped,
it causes a hell of a lot of pain
for both the man and the woman in the situation.
Whether they are admitting to the problem
or even aware of what the problem is,
or not.
But let's just talk about women because today is about women right?
What it does to a woman
is causes her to spend her life in pain
physically, mentally and emotionally.
#4. I've been talking a lot about the fact
that a man who is not in his masculine traits
is a man who can't create a container
and who can't positively own a woman.
Now, I've gotta make this a little bit more clear,
because obviously, we've got the super native connotation
with the idea of ownership,
and most people don't understand what containment actually is.
So, first I'm going to hit you out of the bat
with something that most feminists are going to hate.
Ready for this?
Women want to be owned.
They just don't want to be controlled.
So many women, in fact, most women
would rather choose to be positively owned
even if that comes with the side drifts of being controlled,
than to be completely free,
but having to fend for themselves all the time.
Another way of saying this is that
it's a very rare woman who would actually choose to be a "stray".
Let's talk about positive ownership, shall we?
Because you've got so many negative projections on the idea of ownership.
To positively own something is to take it as a part of yourself.
Obviously, if something's a part of you it belongs to you in some way, right?
However, when something becomes a part of you,
it is impossible to hurt that thing without hurting yourself.
It's impossible for it not to be a priority
to act in that thing's best interest.
This means with true positive ownership
the best interests of that thing
is your utmost concern.
So let's apply this to men and women.
When a masculine energy takes positive ownership of a female,
the best interest of that female is the man's utmost concern.
Guess what?
This makes a woman feel safe and secure.
To understand more about this, you can watch my video titled:
Own People (How to Take Ownership of Your Relationships)
Now let's talk about containment;
And I have to say that based off of this particular video,
I'm actually considering doing an entire episode only on containment.
Containment is not a limitation.
Containment is to create a safe space
for some thing to exist or some process to occur
within that safe place.
When it comes to the containment that exists between a man and a woman,
one of the best analogies you can think of
is a clam shell and a pearl.
The masculine serves as that clam shell
that enables a woman to be soft, open and receptive.
Now imagine removing that protective shell.
The woman would immediately contract,
go rigid and into a state of defense.
It is a coping mechanism rather than a natural feel-good state of being.
And very few women can live in this state,
which is why they would choose an asshole
who can provide ownership and containment
over a nice guy who can't.
The ones who do it, tend to turn angry, resentful,
chronically stressed and bitter.
I have to mention here again
that there have been these studies that are done in terms of what predicts
good mothering behavior,
and in fact, it's the presence of a good father.
So, regardless of whether or not
you would like to believe that females can exist on their own
and don't need men, or vice versa,
that's not actually the truth in this universe.
It is that masculine energy that allows the feminine energy to bloom
into this fashion that expresses in these ways
that create so much health within society and on the planet.
I also have to mention here that women who consciously choose
for these polarity-flipped relationships,
they tend to have extreme amounts of trauma relative to being controlled,
especially at some point in their life, by a man.
Now, what do we know?
I did an episode all about this: The Pendulum Swing
and all about healing,
where one of the most common things we do
when we suffer a trauma over here,
is that we swing the pendulum all the way to the other unhealthy opposite extreme.
#5. Let's look at some other reasons why women might go for assholes
over nice guys, ready?
We get our subconscious definition of love
from our childhood home.
This means that if little girls had assholes for daddies,
there is a likelihood that they will actually associate more love
in an environment with an asshole, than with a nice guy.
What's more than that, we all have this unresolved trauma
and we keep experiencing
or even recreating mirrors of that original experience.
so as to try to create resolve around it.
This means if a girl had an asshole for a daddy
and deep down she always wanted to reform him and feel loved by him
and win him over,
she will subconsciously find a man who behaves just like him.
In other words, also an asshole.
In the subconscious hope that if he is reformed
and if she is able to win him over
and if she does make him become loving,
she's just healed her daddy wound.
This attraction stuff is quite complicated,
so if you want to understand more about this, watch two of my videos:
The first titled:
Why You Keep Attracting The Wrong Person in Relationships
and the second being:
Attraction (Why You're Attracted To The People You're Attracted To)
#6. There is a dynamic in some women,
especially women who have extremely low self-esteem,
where if they encounter a man who is aloof
and who refuses to commit,
it actually triggers her own feelings of not being good enough
and that causes an automatic reaction
of a desperate need to actually prove
that she's good enough.
So this actually flips the dynamic,
again it's a flip polarity,
because the woman becomes the one who's chasing
and she begins to chase his approval.
She tries to get him to want her and to commit to her.
There is an element of challenge
in winning over a guy.
But actually I don't agree with most people
in the world of experts in relationship
when they say that women are after the challenge,
this isn't actually what's happening.
What's happening is underneath this challenge
is this absolute desperate need to feel good enough.
They do it because they're desperate for the self-esteem and confidence
that comes as a result of it being confirmed
that they're not only good enough, but wanted and special.
Suddenly, it feels like
if the guy who's acting like you're not good enough
doesn't decide he wants you,
you really aren't good enough.
To the contrary,
if a man who's an asshole will morph into an affectionate good man,
and even more than that, a good daddy
for you and you alone,
it makes a woman feel even better about herself.
This dynamic only really appeals to women who have low self-esteem.
Women who are thrill seekers, which are very very rare.
Or women who also have commitment issues.
If you are a woman who desperately needs to feel special,
especially if that desperate need to feel special
arises from childhood wounding,
you're at special risk for falling into this particular dynamic.
Again, any of these adult life dynamics I'm talking about
have their roots in childhood experience.
#7. Another reason why women could be going for assholes:
There's a sad element to codependency.
Now, a lot of women develop in their lives
a strategy of codependency within relationships.
Now one of the elements of codependency
is you've got such a deep level of shame
that you don't actually feel like you're worthy of being with somebody
who is good or who is functional.
This means a lot of codependent people,
in this case women,
get into the "fixer" role in a relationship.
When somebody is in the role of the fixer in the relationship,
They can actually avoid their own shame.
Not only can they avoid their own shame
by focusing on the other person's dysfunction and not their own,
they also have the guarantee that that other person,
based on their disfunction, will stay with them forever.
Not only that,
this serves as an anecdote, not a very positive one,
but an antidote nonetheless,
for their shame.
And that if you're in the relationship with a dysfunctional individual
who needs to be fixed,
guess who's always the good guy?
Some women choose assholes
so they can fix them or love them anyway.
Because it makes them the saint
and therefore feel good about themselves by comparison.
It also serves as an externalized way
of fixing and loving
the part of them that they think is completely unlovable.
#8. This is my last point:
There could potentially be more, but I've hit the eight major points;
A lot of women believe that the assholes
are actually more straightforward than the nice guys.
There's a lot of talk in the female world
that "nice guys" only complain about the fact
that girls don't like them and like assholes instead,
because they are upset that their nice guy behavior
doesn't get them laid more.
Meaning that nice guys might just be every bit as much of an asshole,
but a manipulative covert one.
Women actually see niceness often, as an act,
a way of bribing her to give him what he wants.
And to be completely honest with you,
there are some incredibly dangerous sociopathic men
who use this strategy of niceness to entice a woman into a relationship,
and then he pulls a bait and switch.
And the women who have experienced this level of trauma
with this type of men
believe me, they've spread the word around
that this kind of thing happens.
So there you have it.
It turns out that female behavior is not actually irrational,
there are legitimate reasons for it.
So what does this mean?
It means the key to a woman's heart and even into her panties,
is not to become a jerk.
Have a good week.
If you liked this video,
be sure to share it, like it and also subscribe to my channel
so you can see more content like this.
But I wanna personally thank you for taking the initiative
and having the bravery to step into the space of awareness
not only for yourself, but for the benefit of those around you.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte