identify myself as a trans woman of
color I'm on this journey to reposition
everything externally to match
everything that's internally I have to
be myself or die trying
I say that I have trainer Exia
that every time I look in the mirror for
some reason I see my previous self even
though people from my past say it's so
hard to remember who he was and we don't
see him imagine waking up every day
uncomfortable in your own skin looking
in the mirror and not quite recognizing
the person that you feel internally it
is important for me to get facial
feminization surgery because now my
facial structure will match my internal
expression of Who I am the doctor that
I've chose dr. obeying is a corrective
surgery doctor the chin and then the
nose would get balanced to these two
because I really don't want to major
nose job what's beautiful right now is
that we're starting to get to a space
where everyone's being allowed to
operate on a spectrum one extreme being
completely female the other extreme
being completely male now what's in
between is what you choose my definition
of what being a woman of trans
experiences is living a reality that is
mirroring a cisgendered woman's
expression I want my body to look
completely female because that's how I
see enough how I feel but that's just me
so you very truly you like to have a
vagina yes this is
I was surgery I said about philosophy
let you do a safe
the same time it forgets what point was
for let me just over stuff go see you
know we met in a hurry let us start from
well we're going this way for me it's
scary what am I gonna see am I gonna
recognize myself am I gonna be happy
with these results were these the
results that I really wanted
[Music]
[Applause]
Oh
I think it's gonna be more than just a
look but it will be a new confidence it
will be a new definition itself after
this surgery I'll be able to reintroduce
the real me so healing for me was
nothing at all
what I thought it was gonna be I thought
it was gonna be like you know day 7 I
see bruises but you know I'm trucking
along there was so many hiccups along
the way my body was just storing trauma
I think by day 7 I wanted you know I
wanted to reverse everything I wanted it
to stop and so much stuff was done to me
and while my body could take it mentally
dealing with it and physically dealing
with it was a lot but today looking back
at it all I would do it again in a
heartbeat and it feels [ __ ]
incredible this whole surgery I will say
that it changed me it changed the way I
see myself it changed the way I defined
myself it changed the way I introduced
myself to the world I'm now in a space
where I understand this isn't my end
result we just got one more surgery so
it's just that last step where dr. O
bings gonna assist me in getting my
vagina I'm defining me and who and what
I am and my female expression is mine
and don't you dare tell me how to be
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