The Thinking Atheists presents: You gotta be shittin me.
One of the many unusual practices of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the
Mormons, involves the wearing of special "temple garments," which many outsiders have affectionately
dubbed "magic underwear." Dating back to the 19th Century, this special
undergarment comes in both one-piece and two-piece varieties, and has been modernized from the
original pattern from the 1840s. The sacred garment has sleeves that stop midway
to the elbow, leggings that stop just below the knee, and bears several distinctive symbols:
On the left breast is the "compass," which represents an undeviating course leading to
Eternal Life. On the right breast is the "square," which
represents the exactness, justice and fairness of our Heavenly Father.
The mark on the navel represents "strength in the navel and marrow in the bones, " suggesting
the need for constant nourishment in body and spirit.
And the right knee has a symbolic “split” in the stitching of the fabric, representing
that "every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ."
Mormons are very secretive about this "magic underwear," but according to church tradition,
the garment reminds each Mormon of his covenants made in the temple. It also serves to protect
against temptation and evil. The Mormon church is filled with stories about
how temple garments were instrumental in the survival of car wrecks, fires and natural
disasters. Pretty impressive for a thin layer of unbleached cotton.
There's some disagreement about whether this underwear offers actual physical protection,
but it's difficult to get to the bottom of the issue, because Mormons are strongly discouraged
from speaking about their hidden suit of armor. In fact, you’re required to prove membership
in the Mormon Church to even purchase temple garments from an authorized church store or
agent. You wear it day and night beneath your street clothes, removing it only for brief
activities where clothing is an impediment. Showering. Swimming. Sex. And so forth.
Only adult Mormons wear the magic underwear, and only after they’ve completed a top-secret
“endowment” ceremony in a Mormon temple. Ironically, we’ve observed that this is
one of the few times religious people use the words “underwear” and “endowment”
in the same sentence. Some good news. If you serve in the military,
the church has approved sand-colored garments for protection in the field, or soldiers can
submit regulation military t-shirts of any color to have the symbolic markings added.
After all…Who needs Kevlar when you’re putting on the literal armor of God?
And join us again next time for another exciting and informative chapter of