Aw, I'm sorry man. I won't do it again.
It won't happen again.
[ laughs ]
Ah, that wasn't me.
[ laughs ]
Viva Piñata is essentially a slavery simulator.
So, the first thing I'm gonna want to do is make these two worms,
these two savages, uh, have worm sex
so I can get more of them to work my fields.
"Welcome to the romancing minigame!"
Now, anybody's who's ever had sex should be able to recognize this sight.
So, you've gotta dodge the bombs and collect the coins to get to the worm at the other side.
"Now that you've completed the game--"
What?
"your happy piñatas will go--"
I beat the game already?
"into their house and do a romance dance!"
Oh god.
Any kids watching, turn the video off now.
This is about to get fucked up.
[ sultry jazz music ]
Immediately after the baby hatches, it is ready to mate with its own parents.
You're not worming your way out of this one.
Afterwards, sell the inbred children to other slavers for quick cash.
Get the hell outta my garden, ya goddamn snake!
Oh...
He's dyin'...
Bam! [ children cheering ]
You go on to a better place, snake.
Six feet to the right of my--
Oh shit, we got us a battle.
This is probably the most exciting part of the game.
The rabbit is about to throw down with this worm here.
Here it goes.
Aw, here we go.
Ooh, it's really gettin' crazy now.
Aw, man.
Oh and the worm goes for an uppercut attack!
Ah, just a devastating blow.
I don't know if the blue bunny can come back from that.
Oh my--oh my god.
He throws top hats at the worm.
He throws top hats at him!
Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh man, this is gettin' crazy.
Oh, he's got more top hats!
[ victory fanfare ] And the rabbit wins.
Ladies and gentlemen, the new heavyweight champion of the world.
Wait--what happened to the worm?
Oh my god.
"My name--"
It keeps interrupting with a million cutscenes every time you try--
What happened to the--
Annnd here we go again.
I just want to see what happened to the worm.
I don't give a fuck about Squazzil.
You can't skip these.
These are unskippable.
All right.
Yep, that's Squazzil. OK.
Now what happened--
Oh my god.
[ laughing ]
No!
Get the fuck outta here, Raisant!
I'm tryin' to play the game!
[ sighs ]
All right.
Yeah, what happened to the worm--
[ laughing ]
You--fuck this game!
He's dead!
The rabbit killed the worm!
Now he's fightin' another one.
The rabbit is a total dickhead.
He just keeps fighting.
Oh, and now the other rabbit is killing the bird off.
God dammit.
And now the fuckin' shitty fox just killed my... rabbit.
And now this rabbit is eating the other one's guts.
Just a beautiful game.
Enough is enough!
Ya piece of shit!
You are OUTTA here!
Oh--what is--
Shovel upgrade? [ laughs ]
Just in time!
This'll be perfect to beat the bunny to death.
You FUCKING ASSHOLE
YOU RUINED MY
So here's my beautiful garden.
Just a bunch of dead piñatas all over.
Rated E for kids.
"Can I interest you in something seedy?"
"No, I don't mean like that..."
What the FUCK
Uh oh, she's showin' him his ass, folks.
I know where this is goin'.
Oh now he's showin' her--
They're both showin' each other's asses.
We already know where this one's--
[ sultry jazz music ]