- Do you have a fear of losing control?
How in the (beep) are we going to overcome that?
(upbeat music)
Do you ever feel stifled
or stuck in your own life, even claustrophobic?
Do you have the need to set goals,
accomplish them, and win the trophy?
Are there people or situations in your life
that you feel are prohibiting you
from reaching your goals?
Does this describe you
or someone in your life that you love?
How do you meet these needs while overcoming the fear
of losing control or losing your autonomy?
So here's the thing.
We all have needs,
and the needs of a closer is to set and achieve goals,
accomplish tasks, and climb the highest mountain.
Case in point, I'm going to tell you a story
about my then six-year-old.
We pull up to my daughter's gymnastic class,
and he jumps out of the car,
and he says, "Mom, mom, can I climb that mountain?"
He is dead serious.
It is about 100 feet tall, decently steep,
and the six-year-old couldn't understand
why he couldn't just climb the mountain
while his sisters were in gymnastics class.
I mean, that's safe, right?
This person needs something to push against in life,
and if they don't have it, they will create it.
Cue teasing siblings,
and that is exhausting for everyone else around them.
If this is your personality type like it is mine,
there is a lot of power and force inside you
to accomplish great things.
If only the energy is channeled in a healthy direction.
If it is not, it creates contention, disharmony, and fear.
That fear shows up as a loss of autonomy.
In this video, we're going to be talking
about how to move through the fear
of losing your autonomy to a place of peace.
If this fear is showing up for you in your life,
it's because there is an imbalance.
Ultimately, you are the best authority in your life
as to what you need and what balance looks like for you.
We're here to support you in that journey.
I'd like to share what this has looked like for me.
I've always marched to the beat of my own drum,
had a strong sense of self,
and I had an experience as a young teenager
where an authority figure in my life
told me something I disagreed with.
I listened to what they had to say,
thought to myself, "You're dumb."
And I went on my merry way,
not thinking twice about discarding his counsel
or questioning my own self-confidence.
I would say that this self-confidence
has served me well most of my life.
Later in life, I found myself as a stay at home mom
to four and then five children.
And I remember yelling at my husband,
"There is no room for me in my own life."
I didn't always yell it, but the struggle went on for years.
Between having a child every other year,
growing a business, managing a house,
and just surviving all the things that needed to be done,
I couldn't find time or space for myself in my own life.
Even though I loved my children and my husband,
and I was grateful for a stable home,
I felt like I was drowning
and suffocating all at the same time.
We all know parenthood is a lot of work,
especially a lot of exhausting work when they are little.
But the thing is, there was nothing about that work
that was innately fulfilling for me
or for a closer personality type.
And you can feel
like you are disappearing from your own life.
In fact, small and medium-sized children
are the antithesis of goal setting and achievement.
Because closers' go-to emotion can be anger,
it's common to express their struggle in a volcanic way.
To meet your needs in your life,
here are just a few ideas
on how to move through the fear of a loss of autonomy.
Communicate to those in your life
that you need them to do what they say they're going to do,
that you feel loved and respected
when the people are around you keep their commitments,
and are timely and consistent.
Set goals and take action.
Maybe this needs to look different than it did in the past,
and there are times and seasons in your life
just like there have been in mine.
What is an area of your life that you can set a goal,
take action, and see it all the way through?
Start there.
Even if it's only a five minute commitment once a day.
Find a healthy way to vent.
Let your anger and frustration out.
This could look like a dear friend that gets you
or a physical outlet such as running,
martial arts, or any physical activity.
You need to express your anger
and frustration in a healthy way.
Yell it into a pillow.
Buy plates at the thrift store
and smash 'em against the wall.
Go to a rage room.
Closers tend to be explosive in nature,
but after the explosion, they're back to a level place.
Honor that push forward energy,
and channel it in a way that works for you.
You may become especially terse
if you feel blocked from achieving what you value,
usually by the behaviors and choices of others.
This may lead to words, actions,
and outbursts that seem harsh and abrupt.
Figure out in what ways you are feeling blocked,
and let the people in your life know they can support you
by getting out of your way (giggles).
And if your challenges in losing autonomy
come from drowning under the burden of young children,
get a babysitter.
Trade childcare with a friend.
Designate Friday nights as movie night
for your partner and your kids, and leave the house.
Block out sacred space on your calendar
to nurture yourself in whatever way you see fit.
Will you do me a favor?
If this video has been helpful for you,
will you share it with a loved one or friend
that also needs to hear this message?
Thank you for joining me and remember to keep shining.
We need your light.
(gentle upbeat music)