INFJs are introverted feelers stuck in a world made for extroverted sensors.
They make up less than 3% of the population, and so it can be hard trying to function in societies
not made for them. When reality is not meeting their expectations,
INFJs are capable of unconsciously detaching from it.
The more technical term for this is ‘Dissociation’. It
is a psychological phenomenon in which someone feels detached from themselves
or from reality. Their brain is essentially able to go into autopilot.
They are able to outwardly function but they will feel untethered from their life and experiences.
If you’ve ever been driving and suddenly realized
you didn’t remember the last ten minutes of your drive.
If you’ve ever been in a conversation
and recognize you haven’t heard a word the other person just said.
If you’ve ever daydreamed through a lecture at school.
You were experiencing dissociation.
Although dissociation is not exclusive to INFJs,
it does tend to be more common among people with this personality type.
So let’s explore 5 reasons INFJs dissociate from reality.
Please leave a like if you enjoy this video and let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
INFJs can dissociate to cope with trauma
For INFJs who are experiencing or who have a history of trauma, dissociation can be
a regular occurrence. It is one of the ways the mind copes with overwhelm or pain. This
particular type of detachment from reality is medically known as trauma-related dissociation.
It is a mental escape when physical escape is not possible,
or when an INFJ cannot emotionally cope with the circumstances they find themselves in,
any longer. Their mind just switches off from reality.
A dissociative episode will differ from person to person, but can often be a surreal experience.
Physically one can feel floaty, their skin can tingle and they can feel outside
themselves - like they're someone observing themselves, observing what is in front of them.
They don’t feel solid, but rather their above or next to what is happening.
To others their face can look blank, their eyes distant and unblinking.
This type of dissociation is usually temporary and lasts mere seconds,
but in cases of severe or repeated trauma, it may last longer.
INFJs who dissociate from trauma can often have memory lapses or a cloudy recollection
when looking back on that time period. Their mind does this
to protect them from memories of painful events.
It is also pretty common for INFJs to experience dissociation when dealing with grief, a bad
breakup, or other difficult life circumstances. In these cases, the dissociation is usually temporary
and can serve as a coping mechanism to get through hard times, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
INFJs can dissociate to avoid overwhelm
INFJs have Extroverted Feeling (Fe) as a secondary cognitive function. This is
what tends to make them empathetic people as they are able to be highly aware of other's feelings.
Most INFJs are also social chameleons because of this.
They are able to observe and adapt to different social settings, depending on who they are around.
This can often mean the overall harmony of a group will take president for them,
over their own individual desire. For example; an INFJ will hold off on asking to go to a particular
restaurant until they have gathered consensus about where others in their group want to eat.
They will consider the group's feelings before their own.
While this nature of externalizing values into the world outside oneself is honorable,
it can cause some INFJs to completely detach from their own thoughts and emotions.
INFJs who do not set adequate boundaries where there is a clear distinction
between their own thoughts and needs, and those of others,
can often experience dissociation to avoid getting overwhelmed.
This manifests as an INFJ being able to be somewhere
but feels completely detached at the same time.
For example; when at a large event, like a conference or bar,
where they are outside their comfort zone, surrounded by people they don’t know,
or a place they’ve never been to before, they can dissociate. This makes it easier for them
to handle these situations because they don’t have to “really be there”.
INFJs can dissociate because their fantasies are more interesting
INFJs reason on the basis of values to which they assign an emotional
charge. They have Introverted Intuition (Ni) and Introverted Thinking (Ti) as core
cognitive functions. This is why they are natural idealists and daydreamers.
Their internal worlds are built on stories that they conjure up from their rich imaginations,
unique perceptions of the world, and the people in their lives.
INFJs can be incredibly creative people because of this imagination.
However, when INFJs become too invested in their internal world,
it can be all too easy to become completely immersed and dissociate from reality.
INFJs that do this tend to categorize their lives as “Should have been like___” or “should
be like___”. They are underwhelmed from their real-life experiences,
which pale in comparison to the vibrancy of how they unfold in their imagination.
When life gets too hard for them, they dissociate into their envisioned lives
because no one can tarnish the narrative they create there, not even themselves.
It is a way for their mind to give them back control over their experiences.
Here they are able to rewrite and overwrite their thoughts and feelings. Create a different life, a
better one that reflects their ideals, instead of their circumstances, or other people’s influence.
INFJs dissociate to cope with conflict
Conflict is an inevitable part of a life lived with people,
whether it is something we enjoy or not. It can be a way to come to conclusions about things
and sometimes, how we are able to advance in our careers or relationships.
However, INFJs tend to be conflict-averse by nature. It’s by no means in all cases,
but usually in most. This is because their secondary cognitive function is Extroverted
Feeling (Fe). It pulls them to feel responsible and to take take care of others' emotions.
As a result, they tend to adhere to shared values, feelings, and social norms in order to get along.
However, this instinctive peacekeeping nature can make them susceptible to dissociation when
faced with conflict. During times of intense communication, some INFJs can feel emotionally
numb and detached from their interactions. The dissociation manifests as a mental and emotional
shutting down, and it can be experienced as a deficit of emotional responses or reactivity.
INFJs can dissociate to avoid their thoughts
INFJs tertiary cognitive function is Introverted Thinking (Ti). This gives INFJs the ability to
reflect on problems from multiple angles and usually come up with really great solutions.
However, this can also make them prone to overthinking.
When INFJs overthink, they dissect, probe, and analyze beyond reason.
Their thinking function gets out of control and they are unable to shut it down.
It's a kind of obsessiveness that leads to nowhere, and can be very unhealthy indeed.
If left unchecked overthinking can lead to mental exhaustion, stress, and anxiety.
It can cause INFJs to struggle to make decisions, have random repetitive thoughts,
and constantly ruminate and brood.
For example; INFJs tend to be slow to anger. They usually won’t get angry until the day after, when
they have thought through a situation. The more they think about it, the angrier they can get.
This is not because there is new information or insight, it's just their mind is looping the same
thoughts repeatedly. These thoughts are not very useful and usually,
they have no purpose. They aren’t looking to solve any problems with their excessive thinking.
They are just there and automatic, distracting them from the present moment.
This nature of overanalyzing life can be stress-inducing. This is why INFJs who
have a tendency of overthinking, tend to also dissociate. When their mind gets bombarded with
overwhelming and often contradictory thoughts, in order to cope it can sometimes shut down.
During periods of stressful, anxiety-inducing events or during or after a period of intense
worry, INFJs can dissociate as a way to avoid their overwhelming thoughts.
It is quite normal to daydream and zone out from time to time, but when it is taken a step further,
and one disconnects from the world, it could signal some larger mental health concerns.
Dissociation is a recognized mental health disorder.
It will vary between individuals, in cause, presentation, and severity. However,
for most people, it is usually a result of some level of unaddressed trauma.
INFJs live very much in their internal world, so they can be more prone to dissociating.
It is easier for them to “check out” emotionally when triggered or when life gets too much.
While dissociating might provide temporary relief, experienced long-term,
it can impact one's experience of identity,
memory, and consciousness, as well as affect one's awareness of themselves and their surroundings.
Dissociation can cause INFJs to live a shell of an existence, so if you are an INFJ who struggles
to stay present, it might be worthwhile to speak to a therapist to uncover why.