Did you watch the Super Bowl?
I did.
We did.
We had a little party at our house.
I'm a Jet fan, so I wasn't that happy.
Right.
Because if you're a Jet fan, you don't like the Patriots.
I don't know why.
Because they beat us a lot.
Right.
Yeah, but you're right.
There was not a lot of action.
No, not much going on.
What other sports?
Are you into sports?
Do you play anything?
Well, I'm older.
[LAUGHTER]
I boogie board.
That's dangerous.
I'm at the age where any sport where I can lay down and pee
that's the one.
How many are there?
There's Boogie board.
Maybe luge.
I don't know what those--
I don't know.
I think at that angle, laying down, you don't--
But it might freeze.
I guess it might freeze or I don't know.
Midway.
Yeah, I guess bowling.
You could pee and bowl.
They have equipment now.
Yes, I'm sure.
All right, so, your special.
We'll talk about that next segment.
But it's fantastic.
And I know you've been doing stand up.
You haven't done a special in 23 years.
So it's great for everyone to see you again on a mass scale.
And you've been married 17 years, right?
No.
No?
31.
That's what I meant.
I'm bad with numbers today.
I'm really bad.
Of course.
Here's how you know you've been married a long time,
the amount of God bless you's I get now
are less and less and less.
If I go on a little sneeze run, I get maybe two.
And then it's just, all right, already.
All right.
It's literally go in the other room,
I'm watching Say Yes To The Dress.
Just get out of here.
And not only that, we're at the point
where she's arguing about how loud they are.
We have that argument.
That's when you're married for a long time when
you're arguing about the sound.
How loud the sneeze is.
Well, like, you know, I let it out.
I let it out.
And she's like, no, it doesn't have to be.
And it does.
Yeah.
I don't want to rupture something.
Right.
We have that-- and then here's another sign that you've
been married for a while.
I got up.
The alarm went off.
I got up, and I went in the bathroom.
And she was brushing her teeth, and she just turns to me
and goes, another thing that pisses me off.
She's in mid argument already.
She's already got the argument, and I'm like what?
That's not even a complete sentence.
Something from last night, she kept going, which I don't--
You know, you go to sleep.
You've got to-- you reboot.
You reboot.
That's right.
Yes.
But that's--
And another thing.
--that's 31 years, not 17.
Yeah, no.
17 she wasn't doing that yet.
No, she wasn't doing that.
No.
Yeah.
Because you have--
I do have this right.
You have a daughter, and you have twin boys and then
another son.
My youngest, yes.
The youngest, and he's?
He's going to be 21.
And he's--
[AWING]
Oh, is that cute?
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
I can't tell-- this kid--
I don't even know how to describe this kid.
I can't tell if he's like the stupidest kid, or maybe
the deepest.
He might be the deepest because he says things that just
I don't know how to react to.
He came-- the other day he went to a party,
and he came home 6 AM, right?
So I happen to be up.
And he comes upstairs, and I'm like Joe,
you're coming home at 6:00 AM?
And he doesn't say anything.
He just walks into his room and looks at me and goes, for now.
And I'm like--
[LAUGHTER]
And I was like he's right.
Time has no meaning.
I couldn't say anything else.
And I went back into the bedroom.
My wife's like did you find out where he was?
And I'm like where are any of us?
Where-- are we here?
Are we even here?
He's-- yeah, that's him.
He's-- how old is he?
He's going to be 21.
And he lives at home?
I have three-- yeah, my boys live at home.
The twins live at home, too?
Yeah, yeah, the good one moved out.
The good one--
They're all good.
It's just--
The daughter moved out.
She does things.
My daughter moved out.
My oldest was a daughter, and the twins moved out.
You know, I lived at home until I
was 29 in Queens in a little one bathroom.
They've got nine bathrooms.
They've got a movie theater.
They've got a trampoline.
They're not going anywhere.
Yeah, well--
They're not going anywhere.
So you lived there with your mom till 29
and then got married and moved straight in with your wife?
Yeah, right overnight.
I got-- yeah, married into the house.
Yeah, that's it.
Wow.
Yeah, it was a little traumatic.
I have no-- because you move in with someone day
one is a crucial day.
Like little choices you make, like what side of the bed--
you think that's trivial, but that's
your side for life right there.
And I blew it.
I blew it.
I didn't look at the TV angle.
You got to make the right choice because I got a toe.
I have a big toe in the middle of the screen
for the rest of my life now.
But it should be.
But it's not directly in front of the bed.
You have it angled or something?
The TV is a little off, and her foot--
like when the weather report is on,
I just get from Wednesday over.
I don't see--
I don't know.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, you learn.
You adapt.
Yeah, it sounds like you have.
Yeah.
It's really clever how you did this.
So you-- like I said, you haven't stopped doing stand up.
No, I don't do it a lot.
But I've always kept doing it.
Right, what's the longest you've gone without doing it?
Four, five months maybe.
Yeah.
Work takes over.
But I do.
I play Vegas like seven times a year.
I do charities around town, and then when I go to New York,
I pop into the club where I started, right, as the seller.
The seller-- so you-- and it's so cool
how you start because you're walking down the street.
The cameras following you.
Yes.
You literally kind of walk in and go right on stage.
Yeah, we didn't announce it.
The audience is not expecting me to go in there.
It's fantastic.
And I did a half hour at [INAUDIBLE] club.
And then around the corner they started another club,
The Village Underground.
And we walked around the corner and did the other half hour
there, yeah.
And then you end with-- your family is they're watching you.
They walk out.
And then you have pizza together,
which I love that ending.
But do they-- because you really do talk
about your family a lot.
And you do call your sons stupid.
My wife [INAUDIBLE].
Right?
You don't know which is stupider because
of the cone on the head.
Anyway, but do they care that you're making them--
The boys love it.
No matter what I say, they're big--
you know, they're my number one fans.
And my wife, you know, occasionally,
and I tell it-- when she-- look, whenever she says anything,
I tell her what I always tell her,
to go cry in a bag of money.
[LAUGHTER]
So I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Ladies, I'm sorry.
But it's a big bag.
It's a big bag.
Yeah, yeah,
She's OK with it.
Yeah, she's fine.
Yeah, she's all right.
She's gotten used to it.
All right, so let's talk about your twin boys.
So they were--
I think we had them on the show first.
You had them a couple of times.
Yeah.
You had them a couple of times.
They were in the audience.
There they are showing how they make that noise
under their arms.
Yeah, they do that.
Yeah, and then we had them in a Jacuzzi doing something.
We were throwing something from the--
That was some neighbor.
They just jumped in a neighbor's pool.
Right, we dared them to do that.
So they've been on the show several times.
There they are kind of growing up.
Yeah, they're growing up.
All right, now, one of them works for Jimmy Kimmel
and one works for James Corden.
And what happened to me?
They're very ungrateful.
They're ungrateful little boys.
But you know what?
If I know them, they're going to get fired soon.
OK, they're going to get fired soon.
So if you have an opening--
I see.
If you have an opening, they'll probably
have an ankle bracelet or something.
But believe me, they're going to need a job soon.
Yeah.
By the way, they had great fun coming on here.
It was just--
Well, that's great that they're working in the business though.
That's really fun.
Yeah, yeah, except every time I do Kimmel or Corden,
I have to come up with a bit with them in it now.
And so it's a little-- we try to get them dates.
They're single.
So I try to get--
on Kimmel, I try to get them a date.
So when I went on Corden, he topped it.
And he had a girl come out of the audience
and have a date right there.
So and by the way, you have a lot of women.
So--
Yeah, I'll see if--
no one seems interested.
There's not even a hand or anything went up.
So it doesn't seem like-- you need to promote them better.
But they're sitting on a big bag of money, too.
Oh, look at the hands.
Look at the hands.
[LAUGHTER]
Gay women are holding their hands up, married grandmothers.
All right, you can check out Ray's comedy special
Right Here Around The Corner available now on Netflix.
We'll be right back.