How do you ask him if he's single without making things awkward? What do men really
think about hair down there? How do you have the exclusivity conversation when you haven't
had sex with a guy yet? And what do men really think about dating single moms? Welcome to
Ask Mark. It's number 22 this week and look, let's get straight into the questions. Make
sure you subscribe, hit the bell so you get the notifications. Uh, but the questions this
week have been phenomenal. You guys are sending in really good questions that are really get
me thinking. So I really like it. Keep them coming. Let's go. Lynn is the first one and
Lynn's question, "Hi Mark. I love watching your videos." Thank you. "And I would like
to know how to find out if someone is single. Let's say by asking the person. How can I
do it without sounding awkward or scaring the guy away?" Well Lynn, the best way and
the way I love to do this is to literally just ask. Frigging ask and own it. You're
in the middle of a conversation. It's going well with the guy, you're flirting, the energy's
good, and you stop and just say, "So, are you single?"
He's going to love it. Men like being liked. He's going to be hinted yes, that you like
him. That man's gonna love that. And if you own it, it's not going to be awkward or, and
the guy's not going to run away either, especially if he already likes you and is already flirting
with you. So that should be the goal. To get to that point where you can have the confidence
to just own it. Own that you like someone, doesn't mean you're sold on them, doesn't
mean you're going to go throw him a parade and set up a shrine towards them. It just
means that, "Hey, you've got my early interest. Let's see where you go with this, Buddy."
Imagine Taylor Swift. Imagine Scarlett Johansson. Imagine them asking if a guy was single, do
you think they'd beat around the Bush? Hell no. They'd just go straight up, "So are you
single?" That's, that's the goal. Make that your goal, Lynn. If you're not up to that
yet, if you're not quite there yet. One thing you can do is ask his friends - easy way,
and I'll sometimes do this naturally. So you go, "Oh, is your friend single?" Simple, easy,
done. And the cool part is the friend is almost guaranteed to tell his mate that. So you get
a little in, then it makes it easier to, you know, you like each other. So the flirting
and stuff is all easier. Uh, you can ask plans, what's he doing on the weekend or what did
he do last weekend, and you say, Oh, what'd you do? And he's like, Oh, I went to a lake,
he's like, Oh cool. Did you go with a partner? Did you go with friends, what, what, what
happened? And tell, ask you more about that story. And he's going to tell you more about
that story and it'll give you some clues on.
Here's one more thing that I think you'd get heaps out of. If you want to ask a guy if
he's single over text, this is a wonderful way to do it. This is a message that I was
sent maybe 12 months ago by a woman who I met briefly. All she said was, "Hey Mark,
great to meet and chat with you briefly last night where she could have been longer. Sorry,
I had to run out. I don't know if you're dating at the moment, but if you are, I'd love to
catch up for coffee. My number is...." How good is that? Great way to ask a guy if he's
single, high value, confident without coming off needy at all. So there's ways you can
work up to it. You can ask the friends, you can ask him about the future or prior plans,
things that he's done, but overall, see if you can get to that point where you've got
the confidence to just go, "So you're single?"
Second question. Second question is from Nat. Nat Nat Nat Nat, Nat and she says, "what a
fantastic video." Thank you Nat. "How, how lovely is Nat. I like that. I felt the advice
was really helpful and makes such good sense. Uh, it's amazing that you're a vet too. Well,
my question has to do with body hair and what is the deal with the Brazilian wax craze?
How much of a deal breaker is it for guys? Personally, I've felt that has gotten out
of control and basic level of grooming is essential, but frankly no hair at all is unnatural.
Cheers Mark. Okay. There's two things you want to consider here that are both very important
to what you decided to do with yourself down there. The first one is what are you comfortable
with? Just like in the lingerie conversation, you've got to be comfortable with whatever
you do.
A guy's not going gonna find it sexy and you're not going to feel good if you're not comfortable
with it. And number two is your partner's preference. What does your partner prefer?
That's going to be the ultimate decider and the combination of what you're comfortable
with and what he prefers. Now, if you don't know what he prefers yet because you haven't
been with him yet or you're not that established, then you've got to go, okay, what am I comfortable
with? But what I can do is give you some sort of statistics on what men generally prefer.
Most of the studies, 40 to 60% of men preferred totally clean. Remainder percentage between
30 and 20 and 30 -sh prefer trimmed, and then there's only a small percentage who prefer
all natural. Think of it this way, if you meet a guy who has a beautiful clean cut who
is well-groomed on his face, is it generally more attractive? Yes or no?
There's some women who love the Santa beard going on but for most women a clean-shaven
guy, it shows that he looks after himself. It shows that he cares about his appearance.
It shows that he takes care of himself and you're going to find that attractive. It's
the same for men, so if you're not sure what his preference is yet, the majority of men
are going to prefer by the trimmed or clean. If you're not sure, go with one of those too,
as long as you're comfortable with it. And then if a man prefers something else, obviously
you can change it later on once you've chatted to him. But that's how I would approach that
problem. Every guy's different. You've got to adjust it to the individual, man. I'll
be candid with you. For myself, I love oral sex, so I prefer clean. It's going to be different
for every single guy, though.
Third question, the questions from T-rain to be honest, I think this comment actually
got deleted, but it was so interesting that I thought you'd get benefit from it. So T
rain probably won't watch this video, but you can still enjoy it. T-rain says, "Hey
Mark, just found you. I feel as if I've struck gold. Hurrah. I love how you explain and break
things down. So, so invaluable and insightful." Thank you. Thank you T-rain even if you're
not watching. Question, I've learned for myself and my heart. I need to be exclusive with
a guy before I'd have sex with him. It can be more challenging in this way. That's great
T-rain. And if that's for you, that's the way you should do it. Uh, as myself and the
guy aren't super sure of each other until we know how we are as lovers.
Uh, still it's a must for me as I get way too attached after sex even to the wrong guys,
which is fair. Would you change how you ask for exclusivity in my case? So this was a
comment on the video where I demo with Jermia how to have the commitment exclusivity conversation
with a guy. If you haven't watched the video, I'll put the link in the description. Um,
to answer T-rain's question, no, you would not change the way you approach the conversation.
All the same stuff still applies. Sex changes nothing. The reason though that I wanted to
get this question in a, even though I think to your end deleted, it was because of the
concept of the change after sex. I did a video on Facebook recently filmed it the other day.
It'll be out for you guys in a few weeks I think. Dip on Facebook though.
How to keep a guy chasing. One of my clients, Jess was having this issue where guys were,
were texting heaps at the beginning, and then after a couple of great dates, they were fading
away. And what we figured out was that Jess was, uh, giving up two to three of the principles
from how to make a man chase your video. So don't stop being single. Jess was mentally
stopping being single, having high standards for love. Jess was giving her love away very,
very quickly and easily. Um, two men who perhaps hadn't earned it yet and she was losing, most
importantly, her willingness to walk. Um, the reason I'm telling you about that is willingness
to walk often decreases with sex. And this is one of my concerns with T-rains content,
a comment, you get this issue of guys flaking after sex, a common issue. Almost everyone's
experienced it at some point.
I wrote the article, Men Don't Flake Because You Sleep With Them Too Soon. And if you haven't
read that article yet, I really encourage you to read it. In most cases, in fact, in
virtually all cases, men don't flake because of the timing of sex. They flake because the
physical attraction either wasn't there to, sorry, the non physical attraction either
wasn't there to begin with or it actually decreased after sex. And one of the reasons
that decreases after sex is exactly what T-rain's talking about here. A lot of women due to
their feelings, getting too involved lose their willingness to walk after sex or at
least don't have it anywhere near as much. What this communicates to the man subconsciously
is that he doesn't have to do as much work to keep you. He doesn't feel like he needs
to chase anymore because you're so much more sold on him because you slept with him.
He stops chasing and women wonder, okay, why? Why is he gone? What's what's happened here?
Sex should change nothing. Whenever you decide to have it first date, fifth date, 10th date,
not til exclusivity, not until marriage, whenever it is, it shouldn't mean that you're significantly
less willing to walk than you were before sex. Your willingness to walk will decrease
over time as a man invest in you. It'll be a slow and steady decrease. That's normal.
You're not going to walk away as easily from someone you're married to as someone who just
started dating, someone you're married to has a bad day and maybe you know he needs
space for a day, you're not going to walk away from that person. If that's someone you're
just dating, you're already thinking, okay, what's going on here? Your willingness to
walk decreases very slowly over time as a man invests, it shouldn't have a big dip after
sex. And for a lot of women it does. And the reason I brought up was common was T-rain
is at risk of this and you've got to just remember to keep your standards high, your
standards and your self respect still and always come above your feelings whether you've
slept with the guy or not.
Okay. And last question is from JFM and JFMs has great video. Mark, I have a question for
you. I've recently watched a video about men's perspective about dating a single divorced
mum. I'd love to know your opinion. Thanks in advance. Great question. And we've got
a video in about a week and a half, which will be the first of three for you single
moms out there. And in that video, I'm going to talk about the mindsets to get back out
there and what you need to be thinking when you go out to date as a single mom. What do
men think of it though? What the men think of dating single moms? Well, it's pretty similar
to what you think of dating single dads. There's going to be some of you who it's just not
right for whether you want more of his time, attention and effort, or whether you just
want to start a family with someone who doesn't already have one.
There's some single dads and some women out there who just aren't compatible with each
other. And that's okay. In the same way, there's gonna be some single dads rather than there's
going to be some men who just aren't compatible with you as a single mom. You can't control
the fact you're a mom, it's a consideration, but it's not something you can change. So
here's what you can do. You can go out there and present the best you. You can go out there
and be the high value woman. Cause I'm telling you the number one thing that hurts single
moms is the belief that being a single mom is going to hurt them in their dating. If
you go out there, if you own the fact you're a single mom, if you present to guys the best
you, then you're going to filter in the ones who are okay with it.
And over time some guys are going to sell themselves on the idea of being a potential
step parent down the line and others will decide it's not for them. And that's okay.
You can't control that. What you can do is control the fact that you can control, which
is put yourself out there. Remember he's dating you, he's not dating the kid, he's dating
you. So put yourself out there, put you out there in the best way possible, and then let
the cards fall where they may. And that's how you're going to find out about the guys
you date and what they think about dating a single mom. Well that's the video. Thank
you for watching. I hope you enjoyed number 22 getting through and loving it. Make sure
you ask your question. Need more content, questions, area below. So make sure you put
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so appreciative of everyone who leaves these amazing questions on this channel and we're
just getting more and more good ones from all of you. And it boosts me and helps me
create the content. So then you're going for watching and I just see you in Ask Mark in a
week's time.