Santa?
Oh, hey! Oh!
Hey! You're not Santa!
Dad!
Hey no, shhhh. Quiet.
I am Santa.
No, you're not. Santa Claus isn't Asian.
He's a jolly, fat, white grandpa.
Little one, I'm going to let you in on a secret, ok?
Santa is Asian.
That's impossible!
Why? Because the mainstream media has been giving you that
Nicolas guy for the past five centuries?
You know that's the first case of white-washing ever?
But see, this right here?
This is the real Santa.
So... Santa is NOT fat?
Huh, thank you.
But no, why would Santa be fat?
You know how much exercise it is lugging around these presents
and climbing up and down these chimneys?
It's like freaking Cross-fit.
Plus, we Asians have a naturally good metabolism.
But... what about all the milk and cookies he eats at each house?
Ugh, don't get me started. I'm lactose intolerant.
And... he's not old?
I'm A THOUSAND years old.
But, you know, Asian genes.
But what about your beard?
Come on, it took me a thousand years to grow this.
Look, Lily, my dear.
You know my name?
That's right. Magic.
If you think about it, all signs indicate that Santa is Asian.
Doesn't it make sense that the biggest economic power in the world
would want an universal event that inflates every nation's GDP?
Wait, my toys AREN'T made in the North Pole?
The North Pole?! Do you know how inefficient it would be
to have an entire workforce up there?
The East Pole already has the infrastructure in place.
Infra-what?!
And putting kids on a Naughty or Nice list, who would do that?
A tiger mom. [whispering] Mrs. Claus
Ohhhkay.
And that's why we only give presents once a year, on a designated day.
Any more than that and we're awarding kids far too often,
her words, not mine.
That sounds kind of sad.
Oh, no no, Lily, no.
Because you know what? We bring joy to billions
of people around the world every year.
You should be really proud of that, Lily.
You should be proud that Santa is Asian.
Just like you.
James, James, James!
You won't believe what I found out last night!
Me too!
Santa is...
ASIAN! LATINO!
Huh?
Man, that was a close call.
Oh, same here.
I mean, you try explaining a Latino Santa.
Oh, ho, hola!
I mean, no. You know, it was a rough night.
Yeah, yeah.
[clink]