Have you ever wondered what the signs are that a narcissist is actually losing control?
Well, by the end of this video you're going to know exactly what those signs are so that
you will be tipped off, so you'll know, hey, I think this narcissist is actually starting
to lose control. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top one percent attorney
and the best-selling author of the books, Negotiate Like you M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking
Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands of people just like you who've
lived with narcissists, who've lived with the drama, the trauma, the chaos, and I've
helped them step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose, and I do the same thing for you
right here on this channel and in these videos. So, make sure if you haven't already, that
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So, you're dealing with a narcissist and they're crazy and they drive you absolutely insane,
but when you're dealing with a narcissist is they seemingly always are in control, or
at least, they want to have control over you, so they do all sorts of things to maintain
that control over you because control is a form of supply that they get, when they are
controlling you they get narcissistic supply. What is supply, you ask? I'm going to direct
you to a video I did on narcissism 101. I talk all about narcissistic supply, but basically,
what I want you to understand is that narcissists have no inner sense of value. They were traumatized
at some point when they were young, when they were children, and I've also read things it
could've come from even over-indulgence, but most of the time it comes from trauma, or
neglect, or something that happen to cause them to have little to zero self-worth, so
they have no inner sense of value. I've often said they're like the hollow chocolate Easter
Bunny that looks good on the outside, but there's nothing going on in the inside, and
as a result of that, they feel that the world is not a safe place, so they're not trusting,
and they feel that they have to manipulate every single situation. So, they live off
of something we call supply. And supply is anything that feeds their ego.
It feeds their external sense of value, so supply can be money, and big prestigious job,
and having all of the trappings that feed people's egos, like living in the right place,
or having the right spouse, or whatever, but most often and a lot of times supply for a
narcissist comes in the form of something much darker, much deeper, much worse, and
that is devaluing people, debasing people, treating people poorly because then they have
that sense of control. But, every single narcissist has something inside of them that is a what
we call narcissistic injury, and it's something inside of them says, "I'm not good." If you
were able to peel it away in real-time and real form you would like peel away and you
would see this tiny, little, scared child living inside of them and that tiny, little,
scared child, they feel that if somehow if they're exposed, like they would almost die,
like they wouldn't have anything left of themselves. And so, they protect that narcissistic injury
at all costs. But if that narcissistic injury is tipped
off in some ways, like rubbed on, then that triggers narcissistic rage, and as a divorce
attorney, I have seen it many, many times. Regardless of whether they are doing the discarding
or the other side is doing the discarding, during that discard phase, remember, the relationship
is love bomb, devalue, discard, and if you want to know more about that, check out my
videos on love bombing, devaluing and discarding. During that discard phase, you often see that
narcissistic rage being triggered and so that is one of the signs that a narcissist is actually
losing control is you see that rage flying out.
I literally just settled a case that the wife, I'm representing the wife, the husband is
a clearly malignant narcissist and if you want to know more about malignant narcissists,
check out my video on the most dangerous type of narcissist. He would just rage and just
drive everybody crazy. They act like two-year-olds having tantrums, but they're grown adults,
and so you know that they're losing control because they act like that to try to gain
control back over the situation. Sort of like how a two-year-old has a tantrum hoping that
they'll get control over their parents that way. In a two-year-old's mind, "If I fall
on the fall and I scream loud enough and I scream hard enough, my parents will give in
and give me what I want." And so that's what a narcissist does. It's the same exact thing.
It's really the same exact mentality. And so what happens is with the two-year-old,
if the parents keep giving into these tantrums then the next time it happens the two-year-old
goes, "Well, they gave in last time, so this time all I need to do is cry louder, cry harder,
cry longer and they will eventually give me exactly what I want." And so the same thing
happens here. So, one of the ways you know for sure that a narcissist is starting to
lose control is you see that narcissistic rage come flying out.
Another way that you know that a narcissist is starting to lose control is that they start
to devalue you. You know, well obviously, you are a horrible mother, or you're a deadbeat
dad, they're going to start to say things to trigger you. One of the things, when you're
dealing with a narcissist, is they're really, really good at reading people, that's how
they were able to love bomb you in the first place, especially if it's been a romantic
relationship, let's say it's been your husband, your wife, your spouse, your partner in some
way and this person has been with you for a long period of time, they really, really
know what your weaknesses are, they know what's going to trigger you, so you'll start to hear
them say things to get control back over you and they hit you in ways that they know are
going to hurt you the most. So, you know, I'm taking your children away. You're never
going to see them again. I'm not paying you a penny of alimony you'll be living on the
street. Food stamps for you. Homeless shelter. You know, things like that.
And if you have seen a narcissist rage on and you know that they're just doing it to
try to control you again, give me a, not allowing it, in the comments. When they start to lose
control they start to either devalue you by saying I'm going to take all of these things,
so they try to exert some kind of coercive control over you that way, or they try to
love bomb you and they go, "Oh, come on, you don't want to act like this. You're really
overblowing this. This is too much. Let's just talk. You know that we can talk. Oh,
how come you want to use that crazy co-parenting app, that's so hard. That's ridiculous. We
don't need that." So, they kind of go back into that phase of maybe trying to woo you
or use their charisma to get you back. So, you'll see them using whatever it was that
got them into their web of control in the first place, they go back to that.
So, if you are dealing with a narcissist and you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
go ahead and grab my free, Crush My Negotiation, prep worksheet. You can get it at the link
below, or just got to winmynegotiation.com and it will be all yours. And if you want
more support, you're dealing with a narcissist, there's nobody else in your world that you
can go to, talk to, vent to, come on over and join me in my free private Facebook group,
it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung and you can join us at the link below
there as well. If you like this video, give it a like, give
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I want to see you in the comments. And if you haven't subscribed, now's a perfect time
to do that, it's so easy, you just hit the subscribe button and hit that notification
bell. I'm Rebecca Zung. I am so glad that you're here. I'm so glad that you stopped
by my channel, and remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best
life. I'll see you in the next video.