- So I'm sitting there one day, and one of my rivals walk
up and he hit the back of my car, and he just yelled,
"Rabbit, get the hell out of the car with your fat ass!"
Now, Rabbit is my hood name, 'cause you can't go
by your real name in the hood.
Patricia don't sound tough at all.
(audience laughing)
I get out the car and we arguing,
and he fucking spit on my car.
I reach in the car and grab my baby bag,
and I move the Pampers over, then I move the crack over,
then I get my pistol,
(audience laughing)
'cause you know, I'm a good mama.
You got to keep all the shit together.
(audience laughing)
So I take my gun and I stick it to his dick,
and I said, now get that shit off of my car
before I turn your dick into a blooming onion.
(audience laughing)
He wiped the spit off, and I said,
"Now get the hell outta here."
He walks away.
He gets halfway up the hill and he turned around.
He was like, "When I come back, bitch, I'm gon kill you."
Now, I'm from the hood.
You hear that shit everyday.
You don't believe it till they lay you down.
(audience laughing)
White people, don't let this white guilt get you, okay?
Relax, this shit is funny.
(audience laughing)
White audience will pull back.
Like when you go too deep, they'll go,
(gasp)
and they wanna feel sorry for you.
So I have this line in my set,
"Look, white woman, don't start this yet."
'Cause they'll cry right there at the show.
If you're feeling sorry for me, write me a check, bitch.
We can cry together.
(chuckling) I didn't come here for no petty party.
I came here to make your ass laugh so I can get paid.
- People might laugh at misfortune,
because they know misfortune deep down, you know?
And then people then who don't have the privilege
of not knowing a lot of it don't find it funny, you know?
They, they think it's offensive or not necessarily a thing.
Well, why would you laugh at death, you know?
'Cause they don't have to think about it as much.
- I just did this recent bit about, since I wrote the book,
my kid's father trying' to say, he didn't know
I was 14 when I gave birth and he was 22.
I'm like, "Dude, you picked me
up from a fucking' elementary school.
What'd you think, I was a school teacher
or a short cafeteria lady?
I was the only person at the elementary school
who boyfriend had a car.
Everybody else boyfriend had a fucking' big wheel."
And (chuckling) I did it this past week,
and a white lady started crying.
I'm like, "Dry them fucking' tears.
This shit is funny."
So I mean, you know, like black folk, they be falling in
the floor, "Oh, that shit is funny!"
But white people think too much, like,
"Oh my God, that's abuse."
Well, bitch, that was 30 years ago.
Today we laughing about it.
- A black audience will kind of think about it,
like, and process it, run it through their own circle
of their own experience.
White audiences have kind of look at me like,
"Wow, this son of a gun is not smiling."
Have a joke, I'm like,
I grew up in a large Muslim community,
and I remember growing up, I was very afraid of ninjas.
(audience laughing)
So the first time I saw a Muslim woman wearing a burka,
I was terrified.
(audience laughing)
When I got older, I felt sad for them,
'cause being a Muslim woman wearing a burka
controlled by your husband is sad,
but looking like a Ninja with no Ninja skills is sadder.
(audience laughing)
Literally the only thing a Muslim woman wearing a burka
and a Ninja have in common is in order to survive,
they both need to be quiet.
(audience laughing and groaning)
Yeah, I just write the jokes.
I didn't make the world.
(audience laughing)
See, people would hate that, though.
You see, you can't say shit like that as a black comedian
like, "Oh man, you gotta be woke."
- Everyone's trying to be very woke,
and they want to agree before they laugh,
which kills every joke.
I mean like, you bring something up, and they're like,
"Oh, I don't know where he's going here.
Ah, it was a thing I liked, but I missed the time to laugh."
- How do you celebrate Black History Month, sir?
(audience laughing)
(indistinct answer)
You come to see comedy shows?
(audience laughing)
Good call.
(audience laughing)
You know, I've heard that a lot of white people celebrate
Black History Month by giving the nearest black guy $20.
(audience laughing)
If that ain't the slickest shit I've ever seen in my life.
Y'all can't see him.
He went.
(audience laughing)
I'll do with just a dap like that.
Ah, gotcha.
(audience laughing)
- To me, that's the biggest difference between
the white room and the black rooms.
The black rooms, you gotta bring it right away.
They gonna to let you hear it.
White people will look at you, and after a while
it gets awkward, where,
when you look at them, they'll look away.
They'll look away.
You know what I mean?
They'll, they'll look at you and be like,
"Oh, he's really trying.
He's really trying."
(upbeat rhythmic music)