What's up guys?
Chris Ramsay here and welcome back to my channel.
Today we're going to tackling a subject
that a lot of you guys have show interest to
and a lot of you have asked me about this
which is how do I approach people I've never met?
As a magician I perform to people I do not know.
I perform to people all over the world who I've never met
who might not even speak the same language as me
and a lot of you people wanna know
how do I overcome my fear?
How can I get close to a person
or have them interested in my magic?
And hopefully today we're gonna cover all these points
which will allow you to be a more confident performer.
So in a nutshell, we're gonna be tackling approach anxiety.
First of all, what is approach anxiety?
Approach anxiety is a psychological
and physical evolutionary trait
that we develop that prevents us from actually approaching
or talking to people who we've never met
and the reasons for that are fear of rejection,
fear of coming up short, and fear of not being liked.
These things are innately within us as human beings.
Even the most confident performers in the world
will be lying to you if they told you
that they were not nervous.
And hopefully the five tricks
that I'm gonna give you today
will not only help you overcome this fear,
but will help you control it
and make you into a confident performer.
So, meet Chris.
Chris is an amateur magician whose never actually performed
to anybody, he's very insecure.
He's not sure of himself.
His shirt looks stupid.
He has stupid hair and a dumb pair of glasses.
He just oozes insecurity.
There's nothing about Chris that Chris likes.
He's fearful, he's afraid of rejection,
he's not really good with people,
but today we're gonna help Chris
become a more confident performer.
Tip number one, start small.
Don't go up to a big crowd
or don't book a gig for 10,000 people
if you've never performed in your life.
I mean if you have, then we've got some work to do.
But essentially, start with people
who you feel very comfortable with, I.e. your family,
or your close friends,
and even though you've performed to them,
try something something new.
Try engaging in a conversation about something
you know nothing about.
These little things will sort of help you be on your feet
and stand on you toes.
Another nice trick is to go up to a grocery store clerk
or anybody who works in retail service
and start talking to them about something.
So not asking them where the milk is,
but basically engaging them, asking them how their day is
and how they're doing.
Here's the good part about that,
people that work in retail service are paid
to respect, accommodate the customer's every needs
so there's a very very small chance of failure here
and you're not really presenting them with anything.
If the conversation goes well
and you build up enough courage,
perhaps ask them if they'd like to see a magic trick
or just show them something.
What's the worst that can go wrong?
You'll never see them again in your entire life, right?
Good riddance.
But there's a lot to gain from this.
It will give you a positive reinforcement
that you can take with you to your next engagement
or your next interview or even your next performance.
So seek out a cashier or anybody selling shoes
and just open a conversation with them
and that will give you a little bit of confidence.
Quick pro tip is look for people who are smiling,
people who are happy,
people who are going through a happy state.
Now this is something that I've acquired
when filming magic on camera
or when just approaching people.
Even at a restaurant or a private corporate function
that I'm performing at, I will look for people
who are having a great time.
I don't want two people who are in an intense conversation
who are physically just showing, you know,
very disturbing emotions like they're not interested
because yes you could brighten their day with magic,
but they could also not give a shit about what you're doing.
So a good tip is to look for people who are happy
and who are smiling, those will likely be the people
who will want to see a performance.
Tip number two, have a wing man.
This is something that I've learned in the many
many years of performing that when you're around friends,
you are automatically just a more confident person
because you understand that they know who you are.
They see your vulnerabilities and they accept it.
You've been through many things with these people
so you can be yourself around them.
So by having them with you,
first of all is a great confidence boost,
but you can also use them to your advantage somehow.
For instance, place a bet with one of your friends
and say listen, I'm gonna go perform for five people
or I'm gonna go ask five girls for their phone number
or whatever it is
and say if I don't at least attempt it five times,
I owe you $100.
Now you not only have an actual incentive,
something that you're gonna pay for if you fail,
but you have this extra kick in the ass
to get out there and do something.
Wing men can also be good for other things.
One thing that I like to do when I perform
not when I was hired for something,
but more so in a casual setting
and I wanted to go perform to these people.
One thing I would do is I would walk up
to the table and say you see my friend over there?
He dared me to show you guys a magic trick
and I just do you mind if I just show you
this one quick trick, sorry, I don't mean to be creepy.
That is a beautiful thing and here's the reason,
vulnerability is the most beautiful human trait
that ever existed.
I'm getting goosebumps right now just talking about it.
I'm dead serious.
Vulnerability is an amazing beautiful quality
that humans have and that we connect with.
When you see someone who's vulnerable,
when you see someone who is genuine and authentic,
automatically allows you to open yourself up to that
because now you understand that they too are human.
Coming off as a very very confident person
at first when you're not really
and you're trying to fake it
can be a little alarming for a lot of people
and they can get disengaged very quickly.
They can turn on you and say something like
look at this asshole, who does he think he is?
Doesn't he see that we're having dinner?
Who's he trying to impress?
So by taking an approach where you make yourself vulnerable
but you make yourself also approachable is very important.
Another thing you could do is just go up to somebody
and say listen my nephew's birthday
or my cousin's birthday is next week
and I promised him a magic trick.
I've been working on this trick for a long time
and I know this sounds weird,
but you mind if I just practice it on you?
Can I show you a trick?
That's so endearing, what an endearing quality.
They'll be like oh you're a beautiful person
for doing that fr your cousin.
Absolutely please show me the magic trick.
So again you're being vulnerable,
you're being put into a position where people
will connect with you more easily
and you get to practice
and you might get some valuable feedback
from a lay person's perspective
which is so valuable.
Tip number three.
(ding)
Create a physical and mental bridge.
You know that feeling when something just goes right?
This girl's interested in you and you talk
to her and everything you say was just amazing.
Or you went to an interview and you just
(claps)
you just nailed it or you performed a trick
and it just went, everything just went right.
We've all had those moments.
Well, when those moments happen,
here's what I want you to remember.
I want you to take your thumb and index
and squeeze them together as hard as you can.
Don't dit up here because you look like an asshole.
Do it in your pocket, do it somewhere where it's concealed.
Just keep doing that every time
you get this really positive feeling
this rush of endorphins within you,
just go ahead and do that.
Now what that creates is a physical and mental trigger.
You're basically tricking your mind
through something physical that will convince your mind
this this is a positive experience.
So every time you do this from now on
if you've done this for awhile,
you will automatically feel that rush of confidence
and those hormones working in your body
that gives you that same elation,
that same feeling you had,
that positive feedback from that last performance or event.
Take that with you and that can be a very very valuable tool
to help you out.
Tip number four is very similar.
It is another physical thing that you can do
and this is actually scientifically proven.
So we all know animals in the animal kingdom
such as gorillas will beat their chest
or there are certain birds that will puff their chest out
to make them seem bigger than they actually are
to attract females and to gain an established dominance
and become the alpha.
Well how do you become an alpha?
Here's a very very cool thing
and this is like I said, scientifically proven.
If you stand in a power position,
so hands on your hips, one leg up in the air
on the toilet, whatever it is,
you look like Captain Morgan.
You're feeling super confident.
Now this can be done in a bathroom stall.
It can be done in your car
and it can be done anywhere where you're alone
and you do this, yeah you're gonna feel like an idiot
but do this for two minutes.
Not 30 seconds, not a minute, hold it for two minutes.
Automatically there's a reaction,
a chemical reaction that happens within your body
that creates these hormones,
this boost of testosterone where you just feel like,
you know what?
I'm in charge.
Acknowledging the present around you saying,
you know what?
I'm here this is how I feel.
I feel nervous, I feel like I want to be confident
and just acknowledging all of that
while you're in this power position,
all of a sudden you're gonna feel this tremendous sigh
of relief like nothing you do can go wrong.
If you don't wanna try this off the bat,
next time you're in a social setting look around you
and look who is taking control of the situation.
Who's more boisterous?
Who's more lively?
Who's using their hands?
Who's standing, speaking loudly
and standing up straight not slouching?
Notice everybody else around them will start to cave in
they'll start to collapse.
People will start to cross their arms,
hunch their back, cross their legs
maybe even cover their genitals
and I know that sounds weird
but it's like a protective thing
that we do through evolution.
And we sort of cross our arms together
and we become more silent and we let this alpha
become the center of attention.
Much like it you're at an interview
and the interviewer's sitting in this big leather chair
behind this massive desk
and he forces you to sit on this stupid little plastic chair
like a child.
Well already there's this sense of dominance
that he's created through the physical environment
that automatically degrades whatever it is you're doing.
Automatically gives you a sense that you're not as important
so perhaps if they say have a seat, you'd say,
you know what I'd actually rather stand
if that's fine with you.
Right there I mean there's a paradigm Shift.
There's this uncomfortable shift
of oh this person is in charge, this person is confident
and those type of things will just really aid
in your ability to present yourself in a way
that just attracts people.
Another example might be
when a police officer pulls you over.
I mean you're in a sitting position rolling the window down
he's got a flashlight in your face,
he's standing up, he's got a badge and a uniform
and he's talking down.
You're disoriented by the light.
Automatically this is a type of suggestion,
this is a type of hypnosis that happens
where you automatically relinquish everything to him.
If he asks you empty your pockets you will do it
and only after will you go why did I empty my pockets
who I he?
Well that's the thing,
he's created an environment where he's in charge
and you're just obeying everything he does.
So by creating the illusion that you are a person
of importance by even your mannerisms
and that's a little bit of NLP,
neuro linguistic patterning
and just kind of showing that you're in charge,
people will automatically succumb to that.
The will automatically submit to that
and that's not a bad thing.
I'm not saying take control of people forcefully
or make them love you.
I'm saying by innately being someone
who's like this through these little tips,
they will automatically flock to you.
They will automatically thrive and listen
to every word you have to say
and you will become the confident performer
that you need to be in order to get it done.
So I hope these tips have helped you out.
I think Chris is now on his way to becoming
a successful magician and performer
who's not afraid to perform for anyone
at any given time even though his hair
and shirt still look really stupid.
But Chris, you're well on your way, congratulations.
Guys thanks so much for tuning in,
this was an awesome video to make.
I'm glad you guys watched it
and if this helped you out at all,
let me know in the comments
whether this actually helped you out in the real world
or if you're planning on doing something
and you're gonna use some of these tips
or maybe you have something to add to this conversation
something that I may have overlooked.
I'd love to hear your feedback.
Also I do appreciate it if you like this video
and subscribe to this channel if you aren't already.
Thank guys so much for watching
and we'll see you next time.
Peace.
(smooth R&B music)