In this video we're going to be talking about is no contact the best way to get an ex back?
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. And if
you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up, and by at least thinking
about subscribing to the channel while you are down there. All that stuff does help us
out with the YouTube algorithm. It helps tell YouTube, "Hey, you should show more of Clay's
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Do me a favor and help me out with that. Also, if you are curious about how we generally
recommend that people get back together with their ex sometimes without even using no contact,
feel free to check out our course called the Ex Solution Program. You can find out more
about it down below in the description box for this video. Anyway, I'm not going to hard
sell you on it. So check it out if you're curious. If not, no worries. Let's go ahead
and get into the topic of this video, which of course is, is no contact the best way to
get back together with an ex? I know that this is a little bit controversial.
This goes against maybe what a lot of other people that maybe you have seen online might
be telling you. I know that there is this sacred cow belief out there that you must
always do no contact 100% of the time. It's like some kind of rite of passage or something
like that. Sure, absolutely. There is definitely a time and place for no contact, and there
are definitely circumstances where I would recommend that people do no contact.
However, I don't want you to ever just switch your brain off and just kind of robotically
do something. I think that a lot of people have that mentality when it comes to no contact
that it's like, "Okay, I need to do no contact all the time, because I want to get back together
with my ex." It's something that must happen in every situation. Or worse yet, people often
think that no contact is their only tool. And whenever something isn't working out,
they retreat back into no contact. "Oh, I found out my ex is in a rebound relationship.
Let's retreat into no contact. Oh, my ex didn't respond to that text message I sent them.
Let's retreat into no contact. My ex and I had some sort of argument. Let's retreat into
no contact." Again, that just goes back to the mentality of turning your brain off and
just not being present in a situation and just deferring to some sort of robotic rule,
which is not something I like, not something I recommend.
There's all sorts of other rules like robo texting and stuff like that. But when it comes
to should you be doing no contact, what I want you to be looking at instead of just
robotically doing it or doing it just because or doing it whenever something bad happens,
is I want you to look at the quality of the emotional connection that is happening between
you and your ex. If the two of you are connected and if the two of you are getting closer together
emotionally, then, I mean, obviously something's working and there's no need for you to do
no contact if that is the case most of the time. And if you start to do no contact, you
could potentially be setting yourself back here. Because if what you're doing is working,
if the two of you are getting closer emotionally, then keep it up. It's working, why stop what's
working. When it comes to actually making sense to
do no contact, I would recommend that you do that if and when interacting with your
ex is actually not helping you and it's actually creating a larger gap emotionally between
the two of you. At that point it's like, okay, whatever you're doing, being in contact with
one another is not helping you in this situation. So let's take a pause on the whole contact
thing, take a step back, look at how we're bringing ourselves to the relationship, maybe
work on those advanced relational skills linked to that up there if you don't know what advanced
relational skills are, and work on some of the other things about how we are bringing
ourselves to the interactions between ourselves and our ex. Because if what you're doing is
not working, then it makes sense to stop doing it, to stop doing further damage and to take
a step back and to reevaluate what you're doing. If what you are doing, being in contact
with your ex is working, then, hey, great, cool. Take it, run with it, all of that great
stuff. You also want to be considerate about how
your ex may interpret no contact. Sometimes again, going with a lot of the superstitions
and all that stuff that maybe you have heard about elsewhere on the internet and all of
that stuff. You may believe that you need to just sort of cut contact with your ex because
you're supposed to do it. And when you do it, you have to just mysteriously vanished.
So they're left wondering about why you are no longer contacting them, why you are suddenly
silent, and this is supposed to make them curious. This is supposed to make them crawl
over those broken shards of glass. I don't know what is up with the broken shards of
glass. Someone needs just need to sweep them up. I don't know. And it's supposed to make
your ex crawl over these broken shards of glass to want to be back together with you
again, to contact you, to beg for forgiveness. I don't know. That is not necessarily the
right way to do things because your ex may respond to that positively.
But depending on your ex, their personality, the situation between the two of you, the
nuances of the emotional connection and all of that, if you just suddenly vanish on your
ex, they might take that as like, "Okay, when the going gets tough, you give up and walk
away." That is not necessarily a strong relationship signal to be sending to someone else. "When
the going gets tough, I give up and walk away." And so if your ex is like really relationship
focused, if they are really an anxious person for any number of reasons or something like
that, a move like that could actually do more harm. So you want to think about this carefully
before you decide to do no contact. The last thing, once again, I want you to
do is for you to just turn your brain off and to just robotically do no contact as if
it's some sort of like... I don't know. Thing that mysteriously works all the time. No contact
makes a lot of sense if you actually look at what's going on on an emotional level.
And if you are tuned into what's going on on an emotional level, you can discern whether
or not you should or shouldn't do no contact and that's really the whole point of this
video. Is that you want to pay attention to what is happening on an emotional level. You
want to pay attention to what's happening between you and your ex in terms of the connection.
Is the connection getting stronger? Is it getting weaker? And that can help to make
decisions about whether or not you should do no contact, whether or not no contact makes
sense, whether or not you should tell your ex that you're going to do no contact, whether
or not you should just mysteriously vanish and lay broken shards of glass for them to
crawl over, if they for some reason choose to do that, or anything like that.
What I want you to do is I want you to stay present, do not check yourself out mentally
and just sort of robotically do no contact, but I want you to look at the emotional context
that's happening. Look at what is happening emotionally. Are the two of you getting closer
together? Are you getting further apart emotionally? If you were considering doing no contact,
how is it going to land emotionally? Are there ways that you can recontextualize it and make
it so that it's something that your ex understands? Something that actually helps to clear out
any emotional resistance that might potentially be standing between you and your ex? All sorts
of things like this. That is what's going to help you to actually create a stronger
reason for the two of you to actually get back together emotionally. So sometimes no
contact makes sense. Sometimes it doesn't make sense.
Is no contact the best way to get an ex back? Sometimes, but you have to be looking at what's
happening on an emotional level first and foremost, before you just turn your brain
off and follow some sort of arbitrary plan like do no contact for X number of days, and
then send them this message that reminds them of the good old days, and then get together
for coffee. And then suddenly the two of you are back together. Can that work? Sometimes
if what's happening on an emotional level is supporting that kind of timeline of events.
But if it's not, we need to focus in on what's happening on the emotional level and gently
steer that towards a better emotional connection. That's my opinion on this whole no contact
rule. Once again, if you do want to learn how to navigate through your ex's emotional
world and get back together with them potentially without using no contact.. Again, there is
a time and place for it, but potentially without using no contact, you may be interested in
the Ex Solution Program. You can find information on that down below in the description box
below this video. But once again, my name is Clay with modernlove.life. Thank you so
much for watching this video. If you liked it, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs
up if you haven't all ready, and by subscribing to the channel if you haven't all ready. If
you want to learn more about these advanced relational skills that I mentioned earlier,
you might want to check out this video series over here. It really is the core foundation
of what's going to help you and your ex get back together. That emotional connection.
Or you might want to check out this video up here. Anyway, take care. I'll talk to you
next time.