(guitar music)
(people laugh)
- We are so crazy for eating at Olive Garden.
- I know right, it's like we're
in a meme right now (laughs).
- I can't believe you ordered that Endless Pasta.
- (raspberry) I know, I mean, who needs endless anything?
This place is wild (laughs).
- I can't believe we actually about to eat this.
- It's so dumb, it's so, so funny.
(people laugh)
(silverware clanks)
(ambient restaurant chatter)
(uplifting music)
This is actually really good.
- I see why people come here.
- Yeah, I mean, we were so mean to everyone before,
but this pasta is carrying me and my sarcasm.
- Yo, let's move to the suburbs
and start caring about people.
- Yeah, we can go to the farmer's market.
- Oh yeah, and then like adopt some white babies.
- Yeah and sell hummus.
- Let's take another bite of this good (beep).
- Okay, this the good (beep).
(fun music)
- Hi, welcome to Olive Garden-
- I can't believe you're breaking up with me
at Olive Garden.
- I'll come back.
Hi, welcome to Olive Garden-
- I can't believe it's our anniversary,
you brought me to an Olive Garden (menu slams).
- I'll come back.
- Hi, welcome to-
- (heavy breathing)
- You know what you look like you're having a moment.
I think I'll come back.
- You're right, I am having a moment.
I'm all alone, I'm divorced, I have no kids and here I am
at Olive Garden, my favorite eating establishment.
(yells) Life is good, baby (heavy breathing).
Okay, I'll start with the Super Salad.
- All right, so let me get a water
and the Fettuccine Alfredo.
- Ooh, excellent choice,
and that pasta is part of our buy one, take one deal.
So which pasta would you like to take home?
- Come again?
- What extra pasta you taking home tonight?
- Okay, so why are you trying to get me
some pasta I didn't order.
- Yeah, what's wrong with it?
- (laughs) Nothing, it's the buy one take one deal.
- Its poisonous, isn't it?
- Hmm, bet it is.
- What, no, why would we poison our own food?
- I don't know, you tell me.
I know I don't want that extra pasta though.
- It just comes with it.
- Then you keep it.
- Bleck, no, this (beep) is poison.
- Ah.
(soft Italian music)
- And can I get you started with a drink?
- I'll just take a water, dad.
(piano music)
- Oh, Olive Garden, when you're here, you're family.
Yeah, yeah, okay (laughs).
- No,
(papers rustle)
you're my dad.
(piano music)
- Oh my God, oh my God, my baby girl.
Oh, I'm so sorry I left you.
It was, it was so long ago when I was,
I was young and dumb and I thought I'd never see you again.
Okay, you know what?
From now on, daddy is never leaving your side.
You can come stay with me.
Come on, let's go.
- Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Yeah, I was just kidding, it was a
"when you're here, your family thing."
I might have taken this to far.
- You're not, you're not my daughter?
No.
Yes, of course, it's just,
that's a funny joke (laughs awkwardly).
You did really good with the paperwork and everything.
I have to go now I just have in my eye.
It's it's mostly tears, but also
(piano music)
memories.
- He's going to forget my water.
(soft music)
- Your salad, sir.
- Hm, thank you.
(dishware clinks)
- Would you like some cheese on top, sir?
Why, yes, give me a heart attack amount.
- Right away, sir.
(cheese grates)
- Excuse me, my good man.
Could you put some into my soup?
- Why, of course, sir.
- Hmm, thank you, my good man.
(cheese grates)
- Would you also like some in your water, sir?
- Why?
Why, that sounds delightful.
Once you're done with that, my good man,
could you just pipe it straight into my mouth?
- Without hesitation, sir.
- Oh most excellent (yummy exclamations).
Oh, it's raining cheese and this is my birthday, huh?
- Very good, sir.
(soft music)
- Hi, I'd like to place an order to go.
- Of course, what can I get for you?
- Oh, I'll do the spaghetti.
- Ah, excellent choice.
- And if I could get the endless option to go,
I'll do that (laughs).
- (fake laugh) I'll have it coming right up.
- Great.
- All right, here is your pasta,
and I hope it's enough food for ya.
- I'm sure it will be, thank you.
- Hmm.
(light traffic)
- [News Announcer] The forecast, cloudy and windy today,
with gusts up to 40 miles per hour.
(dramatic drumbeat)
- Here's your refill.
- (screams)
(dramatic music)
(curtain slides open)
- I noticed you finished your spaghetti.
So I brought you some more.
- Well, how'd you?
(door slams)
(loud bang)
(screams) Leave me alone!
- You need more pasta.
- (yells) I don't want anymore pasta!
Just leave me alone!
(dramatic music)
- But you need more pasta.
(slasher music)
(car door slams)
- (screams)
- Not funny now, is it?
Eat your Endless Pasta.
(men scream)
(car rattles)
- [Announcer] Olive Garden, when you're here,
you're family and the pasta never ends (evil laugh).
- I can't believe you're breaking up with me,
at (stutters), go back.
(men laugh)
(beep)
- I'll get the Mindstrone Soup!
- Mindstrone, (beep) sent me dog.
- Could I get the?
(people laugh)
(beep)
- Give me that jacket, stupid.
I'll give you all the pasta you want go on.
- Mi jacketa?
- Si,
(laughs)
(indistinct banter)