Top of the morning to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to HAPPPYY WHEEELS!!!!!!!
Oh...oh it's...been a while...time to wipe off the dust off those cobwebs.
Its time...to get in...and get Stevie.
AS SOON as I click browse levels, there's a jacksepticeye right here.
It's like the fates have determined that it'd be so.
And it's with Billy, Bobby! guys...I love you guys so much...
...is there a secret end...? No...okay out over this
that's not well...technic... OW!!...technically...it's out over...but it doesn't count!
Speedy... speed- oh yes! We looked that fucking harpoon in the face said
"Not today buddy boy." BILLY your in pieces!
♫ Cut my life into pieces this is my last resort ♫
♫ Suffocation- ♫
NNNOOO!! Over the line...yes!! That was the hardest part.
(Jack distress laugh™)
Mr. Mouse get off the screen! Shoo! It's not your time
YES!! AH...BILLY...I'm going to have to leave you alone again.
Sorry- sorry son, but daddy must carry on alone!
♫ Carry on my wayward soooooon! ♫
I sing that song too much.
"Hello player (hopefully Jack)-" 'tis I!
"I made this level for you. You inspire me to
play Happy Wheels. I love you <3."
SPEEEEEED IS KEEEEEEEEY!!
There we go you get a good voice crack in there as well. (laughs)
Fuck you Billy!
AH SAVE ME BILLY!
(laughs)
Speed...is...key!!
Atta' fuckin' boy, Bobby!
Your- your chin is in your arse, and your spleen is up your your face
but fuck it!
Flips! It's the only way
it's the only way to death town.
Keep flying keep soaring keep flying keep fucking up...
(adorable Irish laugh™)
♫ Go go Power Rangers ♫
(you okay there Jack?)
That was so much death!
Okay...let's get the flying going- there we go! I'll pass everything!
Yeeeees fucking nailed it!
Just like your mom! Nhnnn...not today.
...bye bike!
Billy, Bobby! I thought you guys had the secret to El Salvador.
Looks like you just have the secret to sucking dick.
How do you milk them? Do you milk them good and proper? Do you? Come on Bobby we
all know you have fucking dick sucking lips!
See what I mean?! Oh! But you're still alive. You're a little floppers.
Ooooh, suck on my tire treads!
♫ ALL THE WAY! ALL THE WAY!! ♫
( welp fuck my life)
...even when I sing the tune, it does not work...
Ahm, excuse me...am I called jackgivesupathappywheels?
No! It's jacksepticeye, bitch! I can do this! I have the potential and the energy
and if the fucking childs foot in my butter- my butter-hole...C'MON!
Nnnnngh!
Just fucking
goooooooooooo!
This is
Yeees! Fuuuckkk...
(Scary Irish Laugh™)
He just kept perfectly decapitated
Oh, oh hi bike! (Scary Irish Laugh™)
(the sounds of a man slowly descending into madness)
Do you feel okay there son? "I'm fine dad! I just have a harpoon for a head!"
Oh, that's my boy! Takes after her mom she was half harpoon as well.
Why is it taking me so long...to finish this fucking level?!
HA! I did it without sacrificing mah boy! ...well, sacrificed my fuckin' arms.
I think it's time to call it a day on my moment in the sunshine...
This one's called pass the barrier! Oh I'll pass the barrier!
" Rate five to unlock the mine"
Hey! How about you mind your own business and I do whatever I want to be, okay?
I'll pass the barrier, or I pass my fucking beer because I'm about to do this shit!
I passed your barrier....you didn't say pass the barrier and win.
Hyyyoooosh!
AHHH OH MY GOD!! HA!
Suck on every follicle of my buttcheeks! That's how you do it!
"Welcome to Spikefall PART ONE. Enjoy friends!"
I do enjoy friends! Friends are the best kind of company.
All the way down. See this? See this? feels good to be a winner...Ataboy' Steve!
Show dem' what do! Show them what for! Ataboy' Steve!
(Disappointed Jack™)
There it is! Ooohhh tasty garlic bread!
Yaah ha ha! I saw Pewdiepie in the middle of that. Was Jacksepticeye in the middle?!
Fuckin better been...Hey! Hey you! Yeah I'm looking at you! You!! Behind the camera not you guys.
You! Get down off that roof!
This is called O-Slither Bingo.
"Once the red ball is thrown the balls above will drop." Okay! Here are all the numbers
and...oh balls!
Literally! Oh yellow 16...No! It's eight... do I have to just get any of them?? Come on man!
I need this! I need this! I need this! Oh Jackaboy needs a new pair of dungarees.
Let's fucking go! Yes! All the way into numberrrrr.........10!
That's what I was gonna say! I was gonna say 10 anyway! Oh! You see this?!
See how I break? 23...do I have enough balls to actually do all this while the must? I can't-
Oh, there you go Steve! I can't exactly put any other balls in any other ones!
Hooshk! Oohhh go in! Go in you fucking...yooouuu....!
Go in to 13! Go in! Go!
Yes! Okay now we need to drop some of
them over here...fucking...lovely! That's what I like to see! Go in! Go in!
Yes! I'm doing it! Oh! I'm doing it! I only have two left and as a whole bunch more....
What the fuck...? 9, 21, 18, 2, 5, 3 and 6
Well there's nine, hahaha! It's about them random.
It's all about them random- it's all about them random ball
throws bro! just fire balls everywhere and see what happens!
Yes! Throw! I LOVE BALLS!! Throw them! Throw the ball to the maker! Stop shooting them
back! If I fired my balls at you you're supposed to just take them and accept
them as a gift. Slitherlicious...?
How...?! Does that count as winning?! There's a whole bunch of numbers on those I didn't
clear the all! But if you want to give me a win, I'll take it because I need self-validation.
This one's called spaghetti maker. I just ate spaghetti
spaghetti and meatballs
literally. I really just did right before recording this so....
Ooo. Open. Ah...I get to make my own spaghetti! Could I just put Billy's in? Eghh god
that's a lot of fucking kids!
Okay we're just kicking up to one speed for now, like when you're making a smoothie
you don't blend it into pulp right at the start. You just gotta- you gotta get a
nice mix going on. Larry and Betty! Get on in there!
And Santa! Three for the price of two!!
That's what I like to see! I'm only gonna make a human one. Well, I'm thinkin' some
veggies so my mother's happy. HEY MA! I'M EATIN' MY GREENS!
She's happy she- she knows what's up.
Okay, two times speed. Here we go! Wait zero times speed. Let's stop it for now, stop it.
Let everything fall into place. there goes a little arm. Nice, my pumpkin and my
watermelloonn haven't gone in yet. Two times speed! Go!
Oh! Grind it up into mulch! I want to be able to sift this through my teeth!
That's fucking gross...now that that smoothie has been made and I drank it all up
Mmm tasty! Tastes like shit frame rates! Now it's time for the next stage as
Steve slowly, slowly descends into madness. I get to mess with play-doh! Pink...?
Gonna add pink.
Oh! That's the spaghetti! Ohhh...these are the meatballs! I forgot what I was makin'... (Spoopy laugh)
Done! That's all! That's a good healthy breakfast! If you want to have- meet all
your daily requirement of fiber, vegetables, bones, organs, anuses...
all you have to do is come on down to Jackaboy spaghetti maker! Made by
Picturesque and they will make you the spaghetti of your dreams! If you want out
Alphabetty spaghetti they'll make it! If you want spaghetti made out of Betty's
they also make it...so let's go now.
"Steal the jewel." Are we talking about some old family jewels
Okay I'm not fucking rate a five to unlock your
bullshit way of winning the levels! I should be able to win it just on my own
without any of your cockatrani- cockatrani yo yo. Kiki Geiger counters...OH!! Like a fucking
Tom Cruise sexy Mission Impossible guy! Oh god, I thought he died. Heh. Ahaaha!
That fucking did it! Go go go go go...!
Ewe...Ewe...why I have to click into the level every fucking time?!
That's a bunch of bullshit game! Oohh! My sackalease! Fuck! I can't press anything I have
to click into the level every single time! That is annoying!
You know what else is annoying? How awesome I am...!
Hehe! Look it's a pinata for all of your birthday needs! I can do this! I had a
fucking great system going on there a little while ago. There we go! That's the
system that I need...System of a fucking Down
Yes! Duahaha! I fucking...I GIVE UP! If I had something to throw I would! I'd throw
the mouse but it just fucking come back to me! Aaaahaha!
Here, I'm throwing all my sorrow at chu!
This one's called Snake Attack and it gave me a great fucking tip! It's says tip...don't die!
Best tip ever! Great tip!
What am I supposed to be doing? Was that the snake attack? What the...?! Oh holy balls!
Okay, hold on there now, slither-slu, it's time to get over you!
He won't let me pass!!
Hey! I'm the one who knocks! There, fuckin did it.
Snake Attack...more like slithering on a belly, and then you fucking bounce over his head
we won't even be able to do anything! "Amazing Attraction"? Let's fucking do that.
Why not?
Ooooooh god!
OOHH. I feel safe now..heh. What goes up, must come down!!
That was lame! "Jetpack possible." It's not jetpack impossible,
it's jetpack possible! That's my middle name! "Jack possible eye"! Ahh! I said it was my middle
name, not my full name.
I'm not perfect! Okay? Pobody's nerfect!
Po Dameron was a character...in Star Wars!
What?
"Bottlerun Hard". Please the only thing
that's gonna be hard is my penis after I figure out how easy this bottlerun is. Look!
(wtf Jack)
I already have a beat-
Aww! That was only a joke, it was only a fools-y!
Ha gotcha,
did you think I was serious?
You did, didn't ya? Ha. Fooled ya! Goofed ya! FU-
This one is for all the box of kittens at the orphanage!
Yes! Yes!! What did you do? You might as well be shoving glass bottles up your hole!
Keep er' steady. Keep er' lit! Keep er' lit like friday night! It's so not lit fam!
It's so not fleek! I'm the master bottle runn- I am the master of bot- WHY CAN'T I DO THIS?!
This my whole world has been a lie!
Everything- everything I've come to know and love- oooh...
Just jump into a fucking haybale will ya'?! I don't care anymore. Might've- STOP TOUCHING YOUR FRONT WHEELS!!!
The front wheels are no-no. Give me a unicycle character and fucking
pass everything perfectly. Flawless baby! Flawless baby!!
What is happening today?! I can't pass anything! I'm going to pass up the opportunity to play this level again.
Uh. Chris Tarrant? Yes! I would like to phone a friend tell them how miserable
my life is. This one is called Billy's rope swing! instructions how to play Billy. Press C.
back, press ctrl...YAAAY!
Wait...so is Billy just a name that's going around now the people are
calling this character? Cause his real name is Timmy and I start calling Billy or is
this supposed to be a level for...me..? I have no idea who cares let's go!
Okay press ctrl yes go little Billy! Just like Daddy! Just like Daddy taught you.
Tuck & Roll you remember how we learn to Tuck & Roll? Remember how we.... We.... how we
learned our rope through the abdomen?
Yeah that was the day your mom left us. Awwh. That was a good day though! We got ice
cream right? You used to love me right, Billy? You're not saying much....
I mean he never was a very talkative kid anyway but a fucking yes or no would be nice!
When all this time all these years trying to get to know your son
I mean he doesn't talk back it's a little hard to get to know 'im, but
through his body movements I thought I was getting to know him pretty well.
I mean...what one Yelp for yes, two yelps for no. Decapitation for no thanks I'm not
hungry anymore it was working pretty well we had a good fuckin system going on.
Here you go little Billy. Oh he got his own car! Ohh Imma proud dad!
Nice! Ah! He drove it all the way! Down to oblivion to kill himself just like daddy!
Ah-hah!
This level called "Crush your Enemies" put head in vice, squeeze until blood come out
of ears and orifice, then suddenly drink blood of enemy, get very buff and then
you say "bring me another!"
Ohhh...
Grind it up good! Grind it like Tony Hawk!
Oh! That's the sound that Jackaboy likes! Crush the Billy's! Crush them into pieces!
How's it going, Betty? Yeah did you get the job after? No? Well you got a new job now
it's called sucking on more blades! Just your face will do
that's fine. I mean I don't ask for a whole lot like- oh god!
Oooh she stole your money, he's your evil twin! So many head to destroy and run over!
I love it!!
KILL EVERYONE!!
You know what am I talking about murder and grinding people up every now and
then but it's kinda gross just saying. These games are kinda gross.
Hoo! It's what I love! Ohh! The victory sound is the f- right frequency for my nipples!
(Jack is too busy pleasuring himself right now)
Okay, okay, stick with me for a second, okay? I know it's another bottlerun
it's like I haven't played 50 bajillion of those already, BUT I have to see if I still have my mojo.
Do you guys still have it??
You guys better fing. (talking to his fingers) I've seen- I've seen fingers fing before you better do it.
"Hope you enjoy my level, first time creating a bottlerun-" okay.
Okay it's- didn't that just say "SLLLAAAAMMM ITTT!!!!"? I hope so...I did it I have my mojo woo!
Self-five!
It's a JSE Billythrow! Oh yes! Oh...here we go!
Oh there's a fucking story! Yes! "Hello user! Hopefully jacksepticeye...I have
Created this level in the hopes of JSE plays it and puts it in one of his
videos.
Jack, if you're reading this I want you to know that I think you are the best
that YouTube has to offer
you've inspired millions of people and I hope that you keep doing what you're
doing." (amen)
Thank you! That's really, really very nice of you I don't think that I'm the best
YouTube has to offer
but if you think so, I really appreciate it, I'm not going to take that
away from you.
"Before everyone begins to throw Billy to his death,
you must recite the verse: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides
by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who is
in the name of this charity and good will Shepherds the weak through the
valley of darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost
children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious
anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers and you will know my
name is the Lord, and when I lay my vengeance upon thee." ...when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
(inaudiable) that's from Pulp Fiction, that's a Samuel L. Jackson says. Okay, Billy
are you ready? *counts to four in german*
(Scary Jack laugh™)
Yes! Oh yes! Oooooh...I needed more Billy's. Th-three is not enough...I'm going to have to do that again.
Oh yes! Ohhh yes wow...oh it's so good!
OH I LOVE IT!!
(WHOA- NO NO NO!)
(RIP video. Like this video if you cry every time. Resurrect this video pls.)
We have a level called 'Kill the Billies!!"
"This is my first level and it is
made for jacksepticeye." Thank you <3
"because he's an awesome boss rate fairly I worked hard on this hope you enjoy."
Oh...I'll kill all your Billy's I will- "hit me down to win."
Nope! It's not a win if I don't kill everybody! Thank you Sam!
Sam's up there help me kill all the Billy's. Yes! Ohh! Right in his fucking face!!
Ohh! Stab the shit outta him!
Okay...a hush falls over the crowd as Jacksepticeye attempts to throw a
sword at Billy.
I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!
THE FUCKING BRAIN KNOCKED HIM DOWN!! I want to try again!
Do-over please! Go again! Yes! HOLY FUCK! I STILL DIDN'T GET TO STAB HIM!
I have t- Steve? Steve??? Don't creat- don't conduct honourable Sudoku! (umm does he mean seppuku?) Steve no!
NO STEVE! WHY STEVE, MY BROTHER!? *mumble* Fuckin' penis...
Okay here we go...here we go...ahh! Fucking Billy! You got caught in my web of destruction!
Aww! C'mon! The sword is behind him!
Come on! I...didn't knock any sort of Billy down into that hole but I still won?!
I'll take it.
Let's go camping! "This is going to be our best day in life, son.
We're on camping, let's go! The camping zone is on that way.
Why aren't you excited? Come on!" Let's get into the good times, son! It's time to
go on the camping! Hneh. Over the fuckin'... the mole hill! Down the rabbit hole
Alice went until she couldn't feel her legs anymore. Then she realized that she
had been in a terrible car accident and everything that she was hallucinating
wasn't actually real. (Like my hopes and dreams)
Ya see, Alice was in a coma in hospital. That's why she was imagining...severed
bodies and dead people everywhere; and Mad Hatter's and talking cats. Alice was
actually just trippin several of the balls that she didn't have and then she
was never gonna wake up. Her family was very sad. They held a memorial in her honour,
even though they held out hope that Alice would come to her senses and come
back to life, but alas it was never to happen, because Alice had drifted too far
into the rabbit hole.
She couldn't hear her family's voices anymore outside of the hospital bed.
But then she woke up and everything was fine and she actually regained control of all
her limbs. The End. (claps)
AAANDDD that does it for this episode of Happy Wheels did you have a
good time? I hope you did. I had a marvelous time sitting here stewin' in
my own fuckin sweat and this leather chair with all my failures to keep me
company.
Oh feels so good. But thank you guys so much for watching this episode if you
liked it PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN ITS FACE HOLE; LIKE A BOSS!
And...highfives all around!
WA-PSSH, WA-PSSH. THANK YOU GUYS AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!!
Everyone loves spit (Jack clapping) ♫ Spit, spit, spit...all over my desk, desk! ♫