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hi everybody Lisa a Romano here the
breakthrough life coach and today I've
been asked to do a video by a YouTube
viewer who asked me point-blank listen
Lisa I look I live with the narcissist I
have to deal with this everyday can you
just give me a couple of key phrases
that I can use to like push him off
balance and I thought sure I could give
you some of the key phrases that I've
used during my life the things that I
want to make clear right here right now
is that we cannot control someone else's
reality we don't have the right to
control someone else's reality we don't
have the power to control someone else's
reality we really have to work very hard
at changing our programming because what
we don't understand is that very often
times we're upset because someone else
has a perception of us that were
uncomfortable with and we challenge that
person's perception of us we're upset
that people think this about us whatever
whatever it is and something absolutely
amazing
happens when you begin to accept that
other people are allowed to have their
own faulty perception of you so let me
get to the key phrases that I would like
you to start experimenting with because
I think there's so much fun once you
start using them and you see how you can
push a narcissist off balance it's just
amazing it can actually be fun so the
first one is I'm sorry you feel that way
so imagine what happens when you are
dealing with the narcissist who are
saying I know why you did that now I
know why you said that and you said that
because the black dive doctor but I know
what because narcissists know everything
they know exactly why you did what you
did right of course they do so imagine
what happens inside a narcissists head
when you can when you come back with I'm
sorry you feel that way that completely
throws them off balance because they're
trying to engage you they're trying to
get you to defend yourself but when you
just stand there and understand they
have a right to see you the way they
want want to and you can't control it
and you come back with I'm sorry
feel that way imagine what's happening
is you are you are disarming it are me
him or her and you are disentangling
yourself from this dynamic that is gonna
go nowhere fast another fabulous thing
that I like to say to disarm a
narcissist is I can accept your faulty
perception of me it's it is absolutely
phenomenal when you announced to the
narcissist that I am acknowledging that
you have this weird whacked-out
perception of me and I can accept it
because what they're trying to do is
engage you in not accepting their
reality not accepting their reality of
you so when you say I can accept your
faulty perception of me you are cutting
the psychic chords to this narcissist
and you're letting him or her know that
you're not going to be manipulated like
whatever they think and feel is
perfectly okay with you the third thing
that I like to say if I ever have an
exchange with the narcissist is I have
no right to control how you see me it's
very much like I can accept your faulty
perception of me but when you say I have
no right to control how you see me
you're actually you're driving home the
point that you are acknowledging that
they see you in a way that you don't
agree with but you're absolutely okay
with that so when you say I have no
right to control how you see me you're
actually saying so imagine if a
narcissist has a hook inside of you
you're actually saying no I have no no
right to control how you see me you're
allowed to see me any way you want you
see we get caught up because we we hear
what the narcissist is saying or they
rewrite history or they Gaslight us and
they tell us that we didn't hear what we
heard or they didn't do what they did
and when we finally start saying well I
have no right to control how you see me
or I have no right to control your
perception of this situation you're
actually telling the narcissist that
not interested in engaging in this
warfare and what you think is totally
fine and I'm not I'm just not gonna go
there anymore the fourth thing key
phrase that I like to use in the
narcissus is I guess I have to accept
that that's how you feel
you see it's all about accepting and
allowing this person to be who they are
and accepting and allowing this person's
perception of you even though it bothers
you and even though it hurts like hell
but when you send the clear message to a
narcissist then I guess I have to accept
how you feel or you're entitled to your
reality or whatever when you start using
key phrases like this the message to the
narcissist is uh-oh she's not willing to
play the game the fifth key phrase that
I like to use in a narcissist is your
anger is not my responsibility now the
reason that's so important is because so
many times a narcissist will attract an
empathic person male or female and
normally codependent person someone who
is seeking validation from outside of
themselves now I feel that narcissists
seek power and control over which on us
on the superficial level that might look
like validation but I think they're
actually looking for power and control
and they feel validated by the other
person when they are able to communicate
and control them and codependents is
seeking validation so it's a beautiful
blend you know it's a hand in a glove a
narcissist in a codependent or a
narcissist in an empath you know in
these dynamics there's only room for one
self and that's the self or the
narcissist and both people are focused
on the one person which is the
narcissist the codependent or the impact
is worried about the narcissist and the
narcissist is worried about the
narcissist and also we suffer the
codependence and impacts were afraid to
make people angry and narcissists know
this and that's why they get loud and
that's why they will shut down and
that's why they'll ignore us and that's
why they're with hold from us because
they know that as a codependent an
empath we need to feel that connection
so when you say things when you send
that start sending these new messages
like your Allah you're allowed to feel
what you feel you're entitled to see me
how you want bla bla bla bla bla and you
also add to that your anger is no
my responsibility you're letting the
narcissist know that you're not going to
allow the fear of what they think about
you to control you any more and that is
powerful so that's it those are the five
key phrases that I want you to really
practice and take home and write down in
your journal and practice them and
practice them and practice them say them
out loud you know so that it begins to
fall off your lips allow people to be
who they are
even the narcissists in your life that
doesn't mean that you have to engage
them it doesn't mean that you have to
give them any any space in your head the
narcissists can stay here and you can
stay there and the gnosis can say what
he wants and you can stay here and hold
on to yourself you don't have to be
manipulated anymore you don't have to
engage if you don't want to and I hope
these key phrases have helped you and if
they have leave me a comment below and
if you can if you feel so inclined
subscribe now I must say everybody I bow
to the love in the light in you
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you