Welcome back to new day.
If you're just joining us, I'm Jim Dever.
From that very popular show in
the evening called evening,
and I'm in here for Amity today.
By now, most incoming college
freshmen know where they'll be
going to school in the fall,
but what happens after you get there?
Our next guest, Harlan Cohen,
has a best selling guide to college life,
and he talked with Amity
specifically about the challenges
facing the class of 2022.
You don't shy away from awkward
topics in here, like naked roommates.
Is this something that you dealt with?
You know, I was not the naked roommate.
I wasn't plagued by a naked roommate,
but I will often visit schools and people
will come up to me and they'll say, hey,
I'm the naked roommate and it just changes
the whole context of that conversation.
Oh, I'm sure it does.
So let's talk about the book.
You know, it's we're living
in a strange time now.
Many incoming college freshmen
had a big chunk of their high
school experience wiped out
because of the pandemic.
So how do you prepare them
for the big transition?
So one of the things I encourage.
Students to do is to find their places,
and when I talk about places it's
where are you going to sweat,
play prey, live, learn, lead,
love and work and find a place
where you're going to be included.
We're going to be welcomed where
you don't have to audition.
You don't have to try out.
Spiritual groups are great
because they let you in,
even if you're not into God,
you could be into free food and nice people,
but it's going to give you a safe
place where you can anchor yourself.
I love that you do give tips in the
book about, you know safe things,
safe places like being
aware of roommate bullying.
For for many things,
including sexual orientation,
that's another great part of the book.
Why isn't so important?
It took these little factoids in here
throughout giving all these tips.
Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that,
because you know, if you're in a new place,
surrounded by new people,
whether it's your sexual orientation,
whether it's your identity, your ethnicity,
it's important to find a community
of people who understand what it's
like to go through your journey.
But if you don't have a place and
you don't have people who you
can turn to when you encounter.
These things that are uncomfortable,
well it can be very lonely and it can
be really scary and all these students
sharing really help other students to know.
I'm not alone and this is normal.
So now what do I do to help myself?
And what about things like homesickness?
You know? How do you fight that?
And then build a support system
at college when you know no one
so you don't fight it. That's the key.
Because if you fight it then it consumes
you because you're spending all your time
thinking about other people and other things.
Away from home, so you accept it and
it's part of getting comfortable
with the uncomfortable. You say,
listen if I'm worried about being homesick,
I'm going to think in my mind.
What does it feel like to be homesick?
What am I going to do when I'm homesick?
Where am I going to put myself?
Who am I going to surround myself with?
What activities can I participate in and
how long will it take for me to start to
acclimate and make where I am my new home?
We don't elevate and escalate
and become more anxious.
We're like OK, this is normal.
What do I do now?
A lot of times when kids apply for.
College they don't get into
their first choice school,
but they you know we we go to college so
they choose their second choice school.
How do you deal with that or
what advice can you share for
kids who you know stay motivated?
If they're not where they
really wanted to be,
this was a crushing year for admissions.
More students did not get
into their dream schools,
and I tell those students listen
not getting into your dream school
is actually a really awesome thing,
because when you go to school
you have different.
Expectations a lot of students
who go to dream schools,
they get there and and they think
OK school do your thing. Yeah, make your
magic. But when you don't go
to a dream school, you have to
be the one to make your magic.
You have to be the one to
create your experience.
You actually talk about sex and
a lot of kids who are going to be
going to college for the first time.
These are their first experiences.
Why was it so important for you to
delve into this and really give these
kids like very honest tips about this?
I want to be clear when it
comes to personal choices.
I share lots of student points of view.
And the important part of this is we
want students to know that there's lots
of different choices you can make.
And if you make this choice,
or you make that choice,
here are some of the outcomes.
And if it's a positive outcome, wonderful.
And if it's a negative outcome,
well, know that you're supported
and you have people around you.
Hopefully you will make thoughtful,
healthy decisions with an
understanding of what will happen next,
and having the stories of students who
have been there and done it and talked
about their experiences and made it
clear what they wished they had done,
or what they wished they hadn't done.
It's really powerful,
and if they don't have people who
are going to be honest with them,
how are they going to learn?
Because in our schools there is not
a lot of education when it comes to
making these choices and being supported
while you are navigating this new world.
I have one more question for you.
I also really like that you have
included drinking and drugs,
drug use and drinking can be due to mental
health issues and feeling homesick.
So what can students do to
stay emotionally and physically
well and healthy at college?
I am a big fan of therapy.
I have a therapist who I
see regularly. If you're.
If you've had someone who you talk to,
make sure you have that person
ready before you need them.
Also identify those people who are
experts who can be there for you.
It's a wonderful way to make sure
that you are supported during this.
This time of change.
Tip number 56. close distance
relationships don't date anyone who
lives on your floor in your hall.
Where was this book in 1985?