This story is called.
"Software developer LOSES half her 401K in divorce".
We have been married for 23 years, I am 53, and my wife is 55.
I owned a computer business before the pandemic, and I had to close my doors because of it, my wife worked for a big software company here in California, and she still does.
Never thought she would cheat on me, but she did, and with an old boyfriend who I knew nothing about, and he was just visiting when he came to California.
But, it turns out, it wasn't an old boyfriend.
I have 2 kids from a previous relationship, 2 boys, and she has one daughter that lives on the east coast from a previous marriage.
The kids are all grown, they don't live with us, they are out doing their own thing.
My wife is one of the top software developers for the company.
She went to UCLA and graduated, her father is VERY wealthy and spoiled her most of the time, anytime she needed money for her student
loans or anything, her dad would fit the bill, kind of made me feel less than a man because I didn't have the resources to help contribute.
But, when she received a major promotion, she stopped relying on her dad as much.
Her income started to EXCEED $175K thousand per year, I was starting to NET that amount per year with my computer business, I only had my business for just over 5 years.
As time went on, our relationship wasn't all that bad, we would still make time for each other, and do things together, I would cook most of the time, it was the new skill I picked up since I closed my computer business.
We had a decent sex life at our age, but, it wasn't intense as it was in the last couple of years.
As time went on, we started slowly spilling over into the DEAD BEDROOM as you guys call it, we would just exist in the same house, not talking about anything other than just work, the bills, and things we had to do around the house.
I would go to the garage and tinker with my tools, she would be on her laptop working on some software development project when she worked from home.
My wife was very meticulous, she always kept her computer locked when she was away from it, even when she went to the bathroom, and always deleted her emails, even from the trash folder.
I started to get suspicious when I saw her working late at night, and she would quickly turn off her computer screen, or close the laptop when I walked into the room.
She would do the same thing with her phone, It bothered me, but, I didn't make a big fuss, I just kept observing.
Over the coming weeks, it was more pronounced, and a few times when she worked late, she didn't come home until almost 11 pm and didn't even interact with me when she did come home.
One day, while I was at home, she sent me a text saying she was working on some software project and was going to be home late.
I don't know what came over me, but, I didn't respond to her text, I just made a mental note, and went on about my evening.
My wife got home at about 1 in the morning, which I thought was alarming, so, the next morning, when she went to work, I started doing some research on some private investigators here in Southern California.
I didn't want to make a rash decision and just hire the first one I found, I wanted to make sure I found the right one that could do the job correctly.
I called one, we talked for a bit, and he asked me why I might need his services?
I told him I thought my wife might be cheating on me, he asked me a series of questions and he said he would do a little research and get back to me.
A few days later, he called me back, and we met in person, I showed him some pictures of my wife, what kind of vehicle she drove, and what she did for a living, he told me his usual fee, and I agreed.
He told me it would take about 2 weeks to get everything together, he wanted to follow her for a few days to see what she was up to, and if he saw anything out of the ordinary, he would let me know right away.
2 weeks went by, and I didn't hear anything from the private investigator, so I called him, he told me he didn't have anything as of yet, but, he had her under surveillance.
Another week went by, and he called me, he told me he had some evidence, and we arranged a time for me to come to his office to review the footage.
I was nervous, I didn't want to see my wife with another man, but, I had to know the truth.
I went to his office, and he showed me the footage, it was hard to watch, but, there she was, in the parking lot of her office lip-locked with another man, the private investigator said, no one else was around.
The night in question was one of those nights where she said she was working late, I was devastated, I couldn't believe it.
The private investigator told me he would do some more digging and see if he could find out anything else, I thanked him and left his office in a daze.
I went home, and I didn't say anything to my wife that night, I wanted to wait and see if the private investigator could find out anything else, I didn't want to confront her without any proof.
A few days went by, and I received a call from the private investigator, he told me he had more footage, and we arranged a time for me to come to his office again.
I went, and he showed me the footage, it was worse than the first time, she went to a hotel with him, but, he said they were only at the hotel for a few hours before they got into their cars, and they kissed each other before leaving.
I told him to get more evidence, he told me he would keep trying, I thanked him and left.
On the way home from the private investigator's office, I called my best friend, and told him that I need a place to stay, he said, what??
I told him, she is cheating on me, and he said, NO WAY, you are kidding.
I told him, NOPE, I am not, and he was in disbelief as well.
When I got to my friend's place, I showed him the footage, I didn't think he believed me, he was shocked at what he saw.
A few hours go by, and I get a text from my wife asking where I am, I didn't respond to her text, I didn't want her to know I knew what she was up to.
My friend said, you need to tell her you know, and you need to leave her, I told him, I know I need to leave.
I told him, I didn't want her to know just yet, I had a plan in place.
I was going to wait a few days, and then I would act like I knew nothing, I would confront her about the affair, and when she denied it, I would show her the footage.
It was a devious plan, but, I wanted her to feel the pain that I was feeling.
But, my private investigator made me change everything, it turns out, that the person she was sleeping with, was NOT an old boyfriend, it was someone that worked in the company, but, not directly with her.
The private investigator said that he continued to dig once he found out who the guy was, he also told me that the company has a policy against WORKPLACE ROMANCE, it's prohibited, if you get caught, the first offense is you are suspended for 60 days without pay.
Once my private investigator told me this, I made it a point to call a divorce attorney for a consultation, I was done, I wanted her to lose everything that she had.
The attorney said since she was the breadwinner, I am entitled to spousal support and part of her retirement, I told him to go for it, I wanted her to lose everything.
Over the next few days, I went back to my place while my wife was at work, started packing some of my things, and headed back to my friend's place.
Fast forward a couple of days, and my wife hasn't reached out to me, I suspect she knows that I probably know that she has been unfaithful.
2 weeks passed, and my attorney informs me that my wife has been served with the divorce papers, I told him, good, let's move forward with this.
A few days after that, I get a call from my wife, she is PISSED, and she starts YELLING at me about the divorce papers, how could I do this to her?
I told her you were cheating on me, I am supposed to do that.
She denied it, and I told her, I have the footage to prove it, she was quiet for a few seconds, and then she said, you are such an asshole for doing this to me.
She told me I wasn't getting anything in the divorce.
At the divorce hearing, my wife's attorney was an absolute idiot, everything he tried to get thrown out, the judge denied.
Since we were married for 23 years, the judge awarded me half of her 401K, her 401K was worth almost $400K, I was also awarded spousal support for almost 7 years, in the amount of $2,915 per month.
Now, I wanted to get some revenge, I compiled the video footage my private investigator gave me, went to a Starbucks with a fake email address, and sent small
video clips to the CEO of the company, in the subject line, I wrote, I think this violates your workplace romance policy, I signed it as "Concerned Employee".
A week goes by, I didn't hear anything in regards to my email, but, her daughter was wondering where I was, she came to visit, and she called me, I flat out told her, that her mom was unfaithful, and I divorced her.
She cried, I told her I was sorry, but, I didn't want to tell her while we going through the divorce, I have since told my boys, and they were upset, but, they are adults, they will understand.
A few days pass, and I call my ex-wife's daughter, and asked her did she want to have coffee, she said she couldn't, because she and her mother
were going to spend the day together, I asked, I thought she was at work, her daughter said, NO, Mom got suspended because something happened at work.
I said, Oh, I am sorry to hear that, we talked for a little bit longer, I told her, I loved her, and hung up the phone.
I knew the email worked because my ex-wife got suspended, I hope she has some savings.
A few people asked why I didn't go after the house as well, simple, I didn't want it, I got half of her 401K, and spousal support for 7 years, I can buy my own, with her money.
As it turns out, the guy she was seeing, was married as well, he also got hammered in his divorce.
Anyway, I have moved on with my life, I have started dating again, but, I don't think I will EVER get married again.
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