- [Announcer] Cheating wives and crazy girlfriends.
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- [Narrator] Hello, all.
This just happened about an hour ago,
so, I'm trying to see if my thinking is in the right place.
After supper tonight,
my girlfriend of four and a half years
was having a nap on the couch,
so, I went to squeeze in a little X-Box before bed.
Got off about 45 minutes later,
and she was awake on the couch.
I came over to sit down beside her and saw a sent photo,
a selfie of her curled up on the couch in a conversation,
looked to be Instagram.
And I said offhand, "That's a good angle, can I see it?"
She locked the screen and said,
"I was just trying to take one."
And I said, "Well, I saw you take one and send it.
Let's see it."
Now I'm at about a two on the controlling scale.
I have never asked to see her phone.
Never have any problems
with any of her socializing, et cetera.
She never has an issue letting me use her phone,
look, or anything.
She said, "No, you can't see it."
I said, "What do you mean?
I just want to see the pic."
And she got up to go to the bathroom
and started doing laundry.
I walked up to her and said,
"You realize this is a massive red flag."
And she said, "I don't know what you want me to say.
Why would you think I would cheat on you?"
I replied, "I never said anything about cheating.
I just want to see the picture.
And the way you're behaving right now
is extremely concerning.
You've never had an issue with me doing any single thing
on or with your phone or your laptop.
And now you won't even open up your phone at all."
She said, "Can you please just leave me alone
so I can go shower?"
I replied, "So you won't let me see what the picture was?"
And she said no.
Now, this is all well within her rights,
but she has never acted like this whatsoever.
There's never been any significant issues.
Few small things here and there of course, between us.
She does have quite a few male friends,
but it's nothing I get jealous over.
Once she was done in the shower,
she went straight to bed and went in and said,
"This is a very serious thing for me.
If you want to deal with this right now, we can.
But otherwise this will destroy our relationship for me.
And there's a very good chance we will not be together
by the time next month's rent is due."
And she just said, "I don't know what you want me to say.
I didn't do anything wrong."
So I took my pillow and I am on the couch now.
I've had issues in the past with exes cheating on me
and she knows this.
That's why it's been great
that I've not had a reason to worry until this.
Just a completely different person during that discussion,
and I have a very bad feeling in my gut
and not sure what to do.
Edit: she texted, yes texted, me from the bedroom
saying, "I was just in the bathroom for one minute
looking at my back on my phone.
I didn't want you to make fun of me for looking at my back."
This has literally zero to do with what happened
and seems like she has a completely terrible excuse
and timeline of events.
I've texted a few friends to see if I can arrange something
since things, barring a progressive discussion tomorrow,
are not looking good.
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- [Narrator] I wouldn't budge on this personally.
The fact that she brought up cheating on her own
makes me highly suspicious,
plus all the other odd behavior.
I would not let this one go.
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- [Narrator] That was what me to go back and tell her
this is, realistically, a relationship ender for me.
Not the picture, not who she sent it to,
but the fact she's being this hyper defensive
and projecting onto me.
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- [Narrator] Yes, it's extremely weird
she got so defensive about it.
Considering your past, it is weird
she won't just be open about it.
If she didn't cheat, then why not show you?
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- [Narrator] Extremely weird.
Never has an issue showing me anything on her phone.
I could understand a viewpoint of "If I let him look now,
then he's going to keep wanting to look."
But even so, if there's nothing to hide, so what?
She's free to look through my phone all day if she pleases.
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Honestly, the "If I let him look,
he'll always want to look" thing is kind of BS anyways
because she made the situation weird by being secretive
and if that was her concern,
she could specify that she'd let you see
to ease your concerns,
but she didn't want to make a habit of you
policing her phone.
I don't know.
Her whole response seems really suspicious.
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- [Narrator] Yes, I'm genuinely really sorry.
I've been cheated on before too,
and if this wasn't something
I immediately ended things over,
it would bring so many insecurities and negativity
that the relationship would never be the same for me.
If I were you,
I would give her one last chance in the morning.
Let her know due to past trauma,
you can't tolerate hiding things
or sketchy behavior like this
and that if she doesn't show you what's up,
you are prepared to walk.
Then follow through accordingly.
If it's nothing, she will show you.
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- [Narrator] Those were my thoughts.
There's never been an issue with either of us
going on the other's phone, then this massive shutdown.
She knows exactly where I stand,
as well as I told her this would be a deal breaker for me.
We will be revisiting it tomorrow.
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- [Narrator] Honestly, this seems really sketchy.
I'm not sure why anyone would act like that
about an innocent picture.
I guess it could be an embarrassing picture or something,
but I think you should pursue this and find out the truth.
Although there's a chance
it could be some silly misunderstanding,
and I wouldn't want you to get super upset
about something that isn't a big deal.
I agree that it's a red flag and should be sorted out.
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- [Narrator] It was just a selfie
while she was laying on the couch.
I even said, "I don't care who you're sending it to,
but at this point, your behavior is concerning enough.
This is a potential deal breaker for me."
And she just said to leave her alone.
She did have a couple glasses of wine after supper,
but she's still very coherent and has never acted like this.
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- [Narrator] Yep, I definitely ask her about it.
I'm sorry about this, dude.
Be sure not to overwhelm yourself.
If you overthink it,
then you're going to freak out even more
before you even talk about it with her.
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- [Narrator] Yup, I couldn't care less who it was going to
or what the picture was, barring a nude obviously,
her behavior is the big issue.
We rent month to month, so, no problem there.
We'll discuss it in the morning
as she a couple of glasses of wine after supper,
but not looking great.
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- [Narrator] Red flag, bro.
She went on for like an hour being evasive and playing dumb,
continually going to another room.
If she had only sent a photo to her mother or her sister,
she absolutely would not be behaving that way.
End your lease ASAP.
Note for life: when someone is caught red-handed
and either can't think of a lie
or don't want to make it worse
by having a bad obvious lie,
one go-to phrase is the old standby.
"I don't know what you want me to say."
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I think you're handling things great.
You're putting your foot down
with something extremely sketchy.
If she had nothing to hide,
she would have shown you the message.
She's probably hoping you'll forget everything
or delete the combo and say that you imagined things.
Do not let her.
You know your worth
and you know what your deal breakers are.
Don't let her gaslight you.
Good luck tomorrow.
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- [Narrator] I was fully expecting her
to come out of the bathroom
and try to get me to look at it then.
At this point,
I don't think I'll be getting any confirmation
about what I saw
and that will likely have to end the relationship
on what could be a possible miscommunication
which is very heartbreaking.
Thank you for the good luck.
However, as I'd like to not have this scenario
be the one that plays out.
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- [Narrator] Honestly, your best scenario at this point
is her showing you the picture
and of course the texting before it
and hope that she was only flirting
and not actually cheating.
That way you may be able to work it out.
If you choose to forgive her,
it doesn't sound very promising though,
at least you know where your boundaries are
and know that lying/omitting things
are not something that you're willing to accept
at this point in your relationship.
You are acting with self respect.
Just sleep on it
and know that whatever choice you make at this point
is the right one
because you are not lying to yourself.
Whatever happens, you're going to be okay.
Well, I'm going to say, after this story,
her actions really make her look guilty.
To me, it looks like she was hiding something
and clearly didn't want her boyfriend to know
what she was up to.
I agree with most of the responses,
her actions make her look suspicious.
This is where the communication fails on our part.
Whatever it was,
I believe she should have just said what it was
that needed to be said,
regardless if it was damaging.
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