- Oh no!
(loud rumbling)
(screaming)
(synthesizer sitcom music)
(burping and laughing)
(farting)
(lion growling)
(burping and laughing)
- And we're on in three, two.
- One.
Did you forget what comes after two?
- No one says the one.
That's how we do it in showbiz.
- Huh.
That's dumb.
Let's take it again.
- We're on the air!
(coughing)
- Oh!
(laughing and applauding)
Hey there everyone and welcome
to another episode of Tool Bench.
The only show that literally takes place atop a tool bench.
I'm Tim "The Toolman" Orange, and say hello
to my handy assistant Pear Borland!
Emphasis on the bore.
(laughing)
- Thanks for the sweet intro, dude.
All right, today on Tool Bench we're gonna
show you how to repair an outboard motor.
- And you know what an outboard motor
goes on, don't you folks?
- [Audience] What?
- A motorboat!
(motorboating)
(laughing)
I love you so much, audience.
- Now first thing we're gonna do is--
- Pear, let me stop you right there.
Any schmoe can repair an outboard motor,
but it takes a real fruit to give it more power!
- That does not look safe, dude.
- Nonsense. Let me just crank it up and show you
how a true professional, wow!
(screaming)
- Look out!
- It's gonna hit the tool wall!
Take cover!
(screaming)
- Ah!
This is the worst episode I ever saw!
(laughing)
Too soon?
A little left.
No, my left!
- Look pal, I don't have hands, all right?
So I can't tell left from right.
- Tim, what are you doing to our backyard?
- Hey, Jill Pickle.
I'm digging a pud so we can
try out our new outboard motor.
(motorboating)
(laughing)
(motorboating)
- Stop doing that!
So you figured you'd just dig a massive hole
in the counter instead of just using
the sink that is right there?
(laughing)
- Huh.
Good point.
I could've just used the sink.
(laughing)
- You mean to tell me you dug up
our entire yard for no good reason?
Ugh!
- Uh-oh.
Looks like you screwed up, Toolman.
(laughing)
I called him a tool.
(laughing)
- Yeah, no, seriously, I did.
(saxophone melody)
- Hey there neighbor!
- Huh?
Who said that?
- Me.
(cheering)
- Where?
- I'm right here!
- Oh.
(laughing)
Sorry. Couldn't see you there, Little Wilson.
- Argh!
It's just Wilson!
I don't need to be reminded that I need
a ladder to see over the fence.
- Tell me Little Wilson,
you ever have trouble with your wife?
- Ah, having love problems huh?
Well in times like this I like
to use a favorite quote of mine.
"Love is like the wind.
"You can't see it, but you can feel it."
- Huh.
Really?
Love is like breaking wind?
(laughing)
- That's not what I said!
- I mean it is a weird quotation, but it makes sense.
Both feel great.
- You're not listening!
- This has been really helpful.
Thanks, Little Wilson!
- Why do I even try with him!
Grrr!
- Hey everyone.
Welcome back to Tool Bench!
- All right, now let's get back
to work re-rebuilding this motor.
Now first we're gonna--
- Hold it there, Borland.
I can't do this.
- [Audience] Why?
- I screwed up at home.
- [Audience] Awww.
- I went a little overboard with this outboard.
(laughing)
But it upset someone I love very much.
You see, a wise person once said
love is like breaking wind.
You can't see it, but you can smell it.
- No one wise ever said that!
- So I owe an apology to someone out there.
My wife, Jill Pickle.
I'm sorry.
And I'd like to show you just how sorry I am with this.
(farting)
(laughing)
Could you guys help me out here?
(farting)
Yeah!
Jill, you're my world!
(farting)
- What the heck is going on?
- Argh!
It's a beautiful quote and you're ruining it!
- Dude, you might wanna chill out
with the whole farting thing.
- Aw come on, bore-land!
Stop being such a--
- Tool?
- Yeah.
As a matter of fact, you are being a bit of a tool.
(laughing)
- No!
Tool!
- Huh?
(screaming)
- Wow!
That really threw a wrench in this show!
(laughing)
- Guys!
Guys!
Get in here!
It's starting! Oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man!
- I can't believe it.
Orange is actually gonna be on TV.
- Really?
- I heard if he does a good job hosting
on the Kitchen Shopping Network today
they might give him a permanent job.
- Yay!
- Oh!
There he is, there he is!
- Hello everyone!
(applauding)
I'm your host, Orange!
- And I'm your hostess, Cupcake.
Have you ever come home from a long hard day,
sat down to enjoy your dinner,
and then bitten into a soggy salad?
(gasping)
- Yuck!
Ew!
There's gotta be a better way!
(buzzer ringing)
- Fortunately now there is.
Introducing Crispy Crisp Salad Spinner.
Just press the top and spin all the water out of your salad.
(applauding)
- Plus, if you hop inside, it'll make you
barf pretty much immediately!
(laughing and applauding)
(vomiting)
- Thanks for that, Orange.
(laughing)
- Maybe we should get a salad spinner.
- I do have a hard time barfing sometimes.
It could be a real help around here.
- Seriously, you guys?
No way!
We don't need a salad spinner.
- Pear's probably right.
- And if you call and order now,
we'll throw in a special gift!
Do you ever show up groggy to your job
as an air traffic controller,
groggily sit down to oversee air traffic,
and accidentally spill your coffee everywhere?
(screaming)
- I'm on fire!
Oh no!
And now the supercomputer that keeps
all the airplanes in the air is on fire too!
(screaming)
There's gotta be a better way!
(buzzer ringing)
- Well now there is.
The Untippable Mug.
(applauding)
Great for people who don't have hands.
- Wait a minute.
I don't have any hands.
- Neither do I!
Yay!
- We don't need it!
Seriously!
When was the last time anyone here spilled coffee
and caused a dozen airplanes to crash?
- Pear's right.
That hasn't happened in weeks.
- But wait, there's more!
- [Foods] There is?
- And if you call and order now,
we'll throw in a special gift.
- Unbelievable!
- Yay!
- Oh brother!
- Have you ever picked an oven mitt
off the counter but it was still
super hot from moments before when
the oven mitt was touching the hot part?
(screaming)
- I'm on fire!
Oh no!
And now the supercomputer that keeps
all the airplanes in the air is on fire too!
(screaming)
There's gotta be a better way!
(buzzer ringing)
- That happens to me all the time.
- How?
You don't have hands!
- Well now there is thanks to the Oven Mitt Oven Mitt!
(applauding)
That's right, it's an oven mitt for picking up oven mitts.
- That is genius!
- That is stupid!
- I'm getting one right now.
- Get two! That way we can have an oven mitt
for our Oven Mitt Oven Mitt.
- Great thinking.
- No, no!
I'm putting a stop to this nonsense right now!
(record scratching)
We don't need any of this stuff.
So we're not going to--
- Special deliver from the Kitchen Shopping Network.
- Yay!
- How the heck did you order that so fast?
- We have your credit card setup for one click shopping.
- Yay!
- My credit card?
You're telling me I just paid for a dumb
overpriced salad spinner that nobody needs?
- Silly Pear, of course not.
We bought enough salad spinners for everyone!
- [Foods] Yay!
- Weee!
(vomiting)
- Yay!
- Get the soap!
- No!
I will not allow this!
These special gifts are going back in the box.
- Good luck with that one, Pear.
It's untippable.
(laughing)
- Grrr!
- Hey Orange!
You were great on TV.
I'd even say you were--
- On fire?
- Absolutely!
You did really well.
- No, on fire!
(record scratching)
- Huh?
Oh no!
That oven mitt is on fire!
Quick, someone grab an Oven Mitt Oven Mitt!
- We can't.
Pear sent the Oven Mitt Oven Mitt back.
- You mean we have no Oven Mitt Oven Mitt?
- We have no Oven Mitt Oven Mitt!
- Oh man oh man oh man!
There's no way to stop this disaster!
- Guys, relax.
(fire alarm ringing)
See?
We don't need all that junk from the TV after all.
- Oh.
- Yeah, Pear's right.
The fire extinguisher took care of everything.
The fire and the supercomputer.
- I'm sorry, the what?
- Well the supercomputer over there.
You got it real good with the fire extinguisher.
- What?
Why is there a supercomputer here in the--
(screaming)
(school bell ringing)
- Don't forget, Buffetside High's
homecoming dance is this weekend.
If you haven't asked someone, better do it right now.
- Good idea.
Will you go with me?
- No.
I don't even know you.
(laughing)
- Aw man.
Thanks a lot, Sissy Spano.
(crying)
(cheering and applauding)
- Are you going to the dance, Screech?
- I'm no good at dancing.
I got no left feet.
(laughing)
- Oh Screech.
- Why does everyone keep calling me Screech?
My name is Apple.
- It's 'cause of your voice, Screech.
(cheering and applauding)
(screaming)
That's what you sound like.
- It is not!
(screaming)
- That's all I hear when you talk.
(laughing)
- Grrr!
- I bet you're going to the dance aren't you, Zack Orris?
- Well only if a certain someone says yes.
Oh, there she is!
With him.
- Usually I like to wash my post-workout
protein shake down with another protein shake.
It gives me the strength I need
to down a third protein shake.
- Hey Zack.
- Time out!
So I really really really wanna ask
Kelly KaPassion to the dance,
but I have no clue how to do it.
The new guy, A.C. Graper, is all over her.
Time in!
- How about you, Kelly.
Has anyone asked you to the homecoming dance yet?
- Not yet, but I'm hoping.
- Don't worry.
I'm sure someone will ask you very soon.
(laughing)
(cheering and applauding)
- Good afternoon, students.
We're all behaving, I assume.
- You know it, Mr. Bellpepper!
- Oh Mr. Graper.
(chuckling)
Could I have a word with you?
- Nice.
Maybe he got detention and can't go to the dance.
- Not quite, Zack.
Mr. Bellpepper's letting me into Kelly KaPassion's locker.
I'm gonna decorate it and ask her to homecoming.
Later suckers!
- Aw man.
Why didn't I think of that?
Time out!
(farting)
Yeah, I freeze time to fart sometimes.
So what?
Time in!
- Zack, you have to figure out a way to ask
Kelly KaPassion to the homecoming
before she opens her locker.
- Yeah!
Otherwise she might go with A.C. Graper.
- Seriously dude.
(screaming)
That's all I heard.
- Whatever!
- Okay okay okay, let me think.
- Well I'll see you guys.
I'm gonna go grab my algebra book from my locker.
- Wait!
No!
- Huh?
Well why not?
- Because algebra class is canceled.
- It is?
Cool.
Well I guess I'll go stash
my algebra homework in my locker.
- Wait!
You can't do that because they reset
all the locker combinations.
- Well to what?
- To zero zero zero.
- Oh, cool.
So I can just use that combination.
- Smooth move, Zack!
- Wait!
Don't go open your locker!
- Why not?
- Because I put a live squirrel in there.
- Oh no.
I should go let it out.
- No!
It's a murderous squirrel!
(gasping)
- Oh my.
- Yeah, yup, that's it.
It's a fanatical crazy murderous squirrel.
- Oh dear.
Mr. Bellpepper, did you hear?
There are murderous squirrels in the school.
- Huh, there are?
This is the worst nightmare as a principal!
Evacuate!
Pull the fire alarm!
(alarm ringing)
- Mr. Bellpepper--
- Bar the doors!
Keep your distance from any and all acorns!
I repeat, any and all acorns!
(screaming)
- But I'm an acorn.
- And you'll be the first to feel the squirrels' wrath.
(screaming)
- Mr. Bellpepper!
Stop!
- There's no squirrel.
- Ha ha, what did Screech just screech at me now?
(laughing)
- There's no squirrel, Mr. Bellpepper.
It's a lie I told that spun out of control.
- A lie?
But why?
- Because, well, I wanted to ask Kelly KaPassion
to homecoming before A.C. Graper did.
- I see.
Yeah, that makes no sense whatsoever.
- Is that true, Zack?
You want to go to homecoming with me?
(gasping)
- Of course it's true.
- I'd love to go with you.
- Woohoo!
- Oh man.
Be strong, A.C.
Be strong!
Harness the strength of a dozen protein shakes!
- All right!
I'm going to homecoming with Kelly KaPassion!
- Ha ha, are you now?
'Cause it's going to be tough to attend
the homecoming dance while you're in detention.
(record scratching)
- What?
(booing)
- Well this is what you get for lying, Zack.
Because of you, we just pulled
10 fire alarms and called the police!
- I guess I see your point.
- And you do well to remember it.
If you take someone to a dance, just ask them.
You don't need to make up a lie
about something ridiculous like a--
- Crazy fanatical murderous squirrel?
- Exactly.
- No!
Crazy fanatical murderous squirrel!
(screaming)
(horror music sting)
(burping)
(alarm beeping)
- Orange!
Orange!
Oh no!
Orange!
(dramatic theme music)
(banjo melody)
All right, who's ready to go camping?
I've got the sleeping bags.
- I've got the matches.
- I've got the marshmallows.
- [Marshmallows] Yay!
We can't breathe!
- And I've got the RV.
- Whoa! - Whoa!
- I cannot vouch for where I got this RV.
Or why it seems to be exploding.
(coughing)
- My product, it's ruined!
- Whoa!
Who's the egg and why's he cracking up?
(laughing)
- Puns.
Fantastic.
- What?
Don't like my yolks?
(laughing)
- Listen, sorry if I don't give heed
to your whimsical wordplay, but I'm very busy!
- Aww, you look upset.
I'll cheer you up with a joke.
Knock knock.
- I am the one who knocks.
- Knock knock.
- I am the one who knocks!
- Okay, fine.
You start.
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Say my name.
- Say my name who?
- If you don't know who I am, then perhaps
your best course is to tread lightly.
- Was that the punchline?
- Grrr!
- I think what Orange is trying to say
is that we just wanna know who you are.
- That is a long story.
I used to be a high school home economics teacher
by the name of Walter Eggwhite.
My cooking was renowned across New Mexico.
Then I found out that I was going rotten.
I couldn't pay for the expensive hard-boiling
treatment that would save my shelf life,
so I fell into a world of crime.
Now they call me Eggsenberg.
Now if you'd all please get out of my way, I need to cook.
- Yay!
Pancakes!
- No, not pancakes.
This is chili pepper hot sauce with a tweak of chemistry.
An acidic heat so pure, a single drop
could scramble your brain.
- Yay!
Brains!
- When the recipe is done exactly right,
the sauce turns a perfect orange.
- Easy there, sauce boss.
Everyone knows I'm the only perfect orange around.
- You're wrong.
This is our turf now.
- Our turf?
- Oh yes.
This is my associate, Messy Pinkman.
- Hey yo.
Don't even think of telling anyone our plans.
Snitch.
- Yeah, we're not really interested
in the hot sauce business.
Or the inevitable violence that comes with it.
- I'm not in the hot sauce business.
I'm in the empire business!
- Empire?
All I see is some runny eggs.
Now hand over the hot sauce, Eggsenberg.
- What the shell?
- Hey yo, this is bad, Mr. EggWhite.
It's the Carton Cartel.
- See?
Inevitable!
- Yeesh.
This is getting El Pollo Loco.
(laughing)
- Everybody put your weapons down!
It's all over, Walt!
Or should I say Eggsenberg.
- Oh no, it's my brother-in-law Hank-on.
He's--
- A pig!
And I hate pigs!
- Everyone just calm down!
There's a completely rational explanation.
- Put down your weapons, all of you!
- Hand over the hot sauce!
- Grr!
- Are you in trouble?
Better call Saul!
- How could this possibly get worse?
- I don't know.
Somebody could spit a seed in your eye.
- Well yes, I suppose that could--
(gun firing)
Ow!
(laughing)
- Told ya!
- You fool.
You've ruined my recipe.
It's become completely unstable!
(screaming)
- Yeah, snitch!
Science!
- Oh Messy.
(screaming)
- Orange!
Orange!
- Huh, huh?
Oh, sorry guys.
Guess I needed a power nap.
Hey, where's old Egghead?
- Yeah, well the explosion kinda...
Well look for yourself.
- I told you I'd get you, Walter.
You're in danger now.
- I'm not in danger.
I am the danger.
- Yo Mr. EggWhite, somebody ratted us out.
Everyone here's a snitch!
You're all snitches!
- Wow.
Poor guys.
Omelet-them work out their problems.
(laughing)
- It's over?
Aw, now I'm breaking sad.
(laughing)
(bell ringing)
- Uh-oh.
(laughing)
- I mean have we not solved it already?
Is it tomatoes or is it to-mah-toes?
(laughing)
Can't the tomatoes just get together,
hold a meeting, and call the whole thing off?
And what's the deal with airplane food?
Does anybody actually like this stuff?
- Hey.
(laughing)
I'm airline food!
- My mother's airline food!
- Uh-oh, looks like there's
a problem in the peanut gallery.
(laughing)
- This is the night, Pear.
Tonight Little Apple makes his move.
- On the new secretary at work?
- Precisely.
At the annual company party.
- I see a couple holes in your plan.
First, do you even know her name?
- Not a clue.
- Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, women hate you.
- Not a problem.
I've got a plan.
- A plan to get bigger somehow?
- What?
No. I was gonna get a wig.
- Oh.
- Wait, are you telling me women don't like that I'm small?
I thought it was because I was bald!
(laughing)
- I honestly can't say.
I'm not a woman.
- Oh come on!
I'm a good size!
- Hey guys.
(cheering and applauding)
- Passion, do women not like me
because I'm small or because I'm bald?
- We don't like you because you're an idiot.
(laughing)
- Fair enough.
- So how was your date last night?
- It was okay.
Me and this guy watched a little Adventure Time
and then we went back to his place, yada yada yada.
- Wait, you just yada yada yada'd over the best part!
- Yeah.
You can't yada yada yada over the best part.
- No, I told you about Adventure Time.
(laughing)
Anyway, you guys heard about
this new soup place across town?
It's supposed to be amazing.
Anyone wanna go before the party?
- Pear does!
- I do?
- Pear, you have got to keep Passion distracted.
She cannot come to my company's party 'til after 9.
- Why not?
- Because there'll be dancing until 9.
You remember the last time Passion danced.
- Of course.
It's seared into my memory forever.
I almost vomited.
- No dancing Passion.
It'll ruin my chances with the secretary.
It'll throw the whole thing off!
- All right!
All right.
- Great!
I'm off to buy a wig.
- Hey, we talking about wigs over here?
'Cause I can totally get you a wig.
- Really?
- Oh yeah.
I know a guy.
Sells wheat germ wigs in Central Park.
20 bucks a pop.
- Well that's super cheap.
Are they any good?
- Good?
They're great!
Trust me, you've never worn a wig
until you've worn a wheat germ wig.
(laughing)
- Well if you say so.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
What time is your company party?
- Later.
Much later!
I hope.
(laughing)
Oh, and remember, when you meet my boss,
make sure to pronounce his name exactly right.
- Oh yeah?
How does he say it?
- Toe-ma-too.
- I beg your pardon?
- Toe-ma-too.
It's French or something.
- That's it!
We got tomato and to-mah-to and now
we got a whole other one to worry about.
I say no.
I refuse.
I'm calling the whole thing off.
(wacky synthesizer melody)
- Next.
- I cannot wait to try this soup.
- I don't have anything smaller than a 20.
- No soup for you!
- Yeesh.
This guy's being a real Nazi about this stuff isn't he?
- Yeah, but apparently the soup's so great,
so you just have to put up with him.
- Oh no.
Grapefruit's here.
- Hello Pear.
- Hello...
Grapefruit.
Trying the soup huh?
- That's right.
I've been enjoying the finer aspects of our city all day.
In fact, I just picked up some
premium wheat germ at Central Park.
- Next!
- Hi.
Do you have minestrone?
- It's pronounce minestron.
- Really?
'Cause I've always heard minestrone.
- That's it!
No soup for you!
- What?
For possibly mispronouncing soup?
- Yes.
Get out!
- Ugh, whatever.
Let's just go to the party, Pear.
- Party?
But you don't wanna...
- Next!
- I'll have the toasted wheat germ soup please.
- Excellent choice.
Oh no.
We appear to be out of wheat germ.
- Oh, well then today's your lucky day.
(laughing)
(wacky synthesizer melody)
(party music)
- Hey hey!
How's the wig look?
- Great, great.
It's just...
- It's just what?
- Do you smell something?
- No.
- Probably nothing.
Whoa!
Who's she?
- That's her!
And she's wearing a nametag.
Perfect!
This is Little Apple's time to strike.
(laughing)
Hello there.
- Little Apple.
From Accounts.
- That's me.
Fancy seeing you here, Potato.
- Oh, actually it's Po-ta-too.
(record scratching)
- Pardon?
- Potatoo.
It's French.
- Is that so?
My name is French as well.
Little Apple, care to introduce me
to this stunning young woman?
- Well of course.
Mr. Tomatoo, meet Miss Potatoo.
- A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Tomatoo.
- The pleasure is all mine, Miss Potatoo.
Come, let me show you my numerous sports cans.
Perhaps we'll take a ride in one.
- Grrr!
My boss just stole the girl of my dreams!
Could this get any worse?
- Check out that lady on the dance floor.
- What?
(laughing)
Pear!
Why are you guys here so early?
The DJ is still playing!
- We couldn't get soup.
Passion made me come right here.
- Bleh.
Is it me or does this place reek of rancid wheat germ?
- What?
Are you saying my wig is past due?
- I'm saying your wig has turned, Little Apple.
The germ has turned!
- Wha, the germ has turned!
- The germ has turned!
- What's that smell?
- Oh no!
The wig's ruining the party!
- Eh, I'd say it's already ruined.
(laughing)
- Wait, isn't that your girl with Mr. Tomato?
- Hey!
Hey!
It's Tomatoo to you.
Now get outta here!
- What?
For mispronouncing your name?
- Yes!
Get out!
No party for you!
- Woo!
This is my jam!
- Don't worry, Pear.
I have a feeling this party's about to go south.
- Her dancing is so horrible.
I think I'm gonna barf.
(music intensifying)
(vomiting)
- You guys wanna get a bite?
- Yeah.
I could eat.
Diner?
Chinese?
- Oh!
We should get soup!
(wacky synthesizer melody)
- My soup, it's rancid!
- Oh no!
This germ has turned!
I used turned germ!
Oh!
- Yuck!
I'm never come back here again!
- Me neither!
(vomiting)
- I used turned germ!
(wacky synthesizer melody)
- These hieroglyphics are amazing.
Thousands of years ago there was a battle
called the Millennial Games and they used
all the same monsters that we do
with our Float Monsters card to play it.
- Then that means...
Wait, what does that mean?
- It means we should buy more cards.
- That's not even how you play the game, Orange.
And you already spent all your money on trading cards.
How are you gonna buy more?
- I'll just sell these!
- That must be the Millennial Puzzle.
Legend says it was shattered into a dozen pieces
and only he chosen one can put it back--
- Done!
(rumbling)
- Orange!
What'd you do?
(light aura ringing)
- Thieves?
In my tomb?
Good luck robbing me from The Shady Realm!
(screaming)
After 5,000 years the Millennial Games shall return.
I'll finally conquer Egypt, and then the world!
- Hey!
Who turned out the lights?
Yu-Gi-Oh!
(music intensifying)
You're casting a lot of shade, Brocura.
And that's not cool.
Get your deck ready 'cause it's time to duel!
- I should have know you would stay
close to your puzzle, Pharaoh.
Prepare for your ultimate demise.
For the loser will spend eternity in The Shady Realm.
I'll start off by summoning Neil,
Defending Swordsman in attack position.
- What's the top hashtag today?
- Then I'll put two cards face down.
Your move, Pharaoh.
- Your swordsman is strong, but his inability
to pay attention will be his downfall
as I bring my best friend to the field.
Bae-ver Warrior.
- Ha ha, you fool!
My swordsman attack power
far surpasses that of your warrior.
- Don't underestimate my bae, Brocura,
because right now I can't even!
By placing one card face down and playing this one
I've activated its special effect.
When I have an odd number of cards in my hand
I can double my bae's attack points.
Now bae, take him out!
- Top Five Reasons Today Sucked.
Number three will shock you.
(screaming)
- Impressive move, but you've activated my trap card.
Plot hole.
Plot holes let me do something
that doesn't make any sense but keeps
the plot moving forward, so I negate
your base power up meaning our fight
plays out more like this.
- My bae!
- My move.
I summon the #BurstElf in attack mode.
Together both my monsters will attack
and take you out of the game.
- Not so fast.
I activate Selfie Force!
My front facing camera reflects
your attack right back at your monster.
(laughing)
- Grrr!
Seems after all these centuries
you still haven't lost your touch.
I end my turn.
- I am defenseless no more!
For I summon Smelted Guardian to protect me!
- Why is it Smelted--
(farting)
- Because he dealt it, Brocura.
And from the gassy shadows, attack his life points directly!
- Not so fast!
I play my trap card Face Swap.
For one turn we switch places.
Meaning your attack comes right back at you.
(burping)
- Guardian, no!
- You'll lose before your next turn.
But don't worry, Pharaoh.
You'll have plenty of time to get turnt in The Shady Realm.
- That may be, Brocura.
But on the other hand, can you say...
Knife!
- What the blazes?
- I play Knives of Revealing Light!
It forbids you from attacking on your next two turns.
Your move.
- My field is wide open for attack, so I'll boost
my defenses with Dang it Daniel in defense mode.
- [Pharaoh VO] That Daniel's rocking it
with those white vans, but none of my cards
are strong enough to break through it.
My first turn is wasted.
I place a card face down in defense mode!
Your move!
- Prepare for oblivion, Pharaoh.
For I sacrifice my Dang It Daniel
to bring a more powerful monster to the field.
Gaia, The Fleek Knight.
- [Brocura VO] My Fleek Knight is forbidden
from attacking for now, but on my next turn
he'll begin his assault, and not a single monster
on the Pharaoh's side stands a chance.
My victory is assured!
- [Pharaoh VO] None of my monster cards
are strong enough to defeat that handsome knight.
This Yolo card would destroy his monster,
but it destroys my side of the field too.
Perhaps I could use my Reverse Slay card
to bring a monster back to defense me,
but Burcura's cards are on point.
I'll have to trust in the heart
of my deck and draw the right card!
- By all means, Pharaoh.
This turn will begin your undoing.
(evil laughing)
- You're the one who's about to become undone.
I sacrifice my two monsters
to summon my ultimate creature.
The Dank Magician!
- What the devil?
His magician is more powerful than my knight.
- And I play Yolo, destroying all monsters on the field.
- I don't understand.
You summoned your most lit beast only to destroy it?
- Everyone only lives once.
Even you, Brocura.
But you'll find my magician can break that rule
when I play Reverse Slay undoing his untimely demise
and bringing him back to the field!
- But that means...
- That you haven't a single monster to protect you.
Dank Magician, attack!
(screaming)
And now Brocura, I forever banish you to The Shady Realm!
- No!
(screaming)
- Fam!
Your souls are back safe and sound.
My job here is done.
- Fam?
So did we know that guy?
- Never seen him before in my life.
- What just happened?
- No idea, dude.
No idea.
So you still taking that puzzle with you?
- Yuck!
I hate puzzles!
(puzzle shattering)
- Not cool.
Guess I should've played my cards a little differently?
- Ghost!
(screaming)
- It always end the same way.
Knife comes down and cuts him in half.
Seriously guys, that's all I know!
Honest!
- [Cheese] Save it for the Oscars, Meryl.
We're not buying your story.
- It's not Meryl!
It's midget, Little Apple!
And who the heck are you guys anyway?
- We're Special Agents Mac and Cheese.
- We're here to investigate the mysterious
disappearances that have plagued this kitchen.
- My money's on UFOs.
- Yeah, but the smart money's on a gypsy curse.
- Alien gypsies?
- Now you're talking.
- Grrr!
Guys, you got it all wrong!
- Nah, there's something screwy in this kitchen.
I can almost feel it.
(horn blowing)
- I think I hear what you mean.
(record scratching)
- Ricola!
(laughing)
(sci-fi piano melody)
Hey!
Hey Agent Wedgie!
Hey, over here!
- That's Special Agent Cheese.
- I'm sorry, curd you say that again?
(laughing)
(record scratching)
- Can the laugh track, funny fruit.
This is serious business.
My partner and I are on the trail
of an extremely dangerous cryptozoological creature.
- More like crypto-illogical.
They're just looking for knife.
- I knew it!
These two are obviously in cahoots.
(laughing)
- He called Midget Apple an owl.
(laughing)
- We'll be pulling around the clock
surveillance until we bag this creature.
- Yay!
Slumber party!
- More like slaughter party!
- Oh.
I've never been to one of those before.
- It'll be fun.
We can play pin the tail on the Yeti vampire freak.
- Is that like Jenga?
- Maybe you're not listening.
- Backgammon?
- We're talking about monsters here, motormouth.
- Aliens with an axe to grind.
- Ghouls with power tools.
- Ewoks tossing tiny little rocks.
- Can you dig it?
- Not really.
I don't know any of those games.
- I tell you Mac, this one is 100% certifiable
and I don't mean organic.
- Hey!
You guys should talk to Tree about the disappearances.
She's always leaf-ing!
(laughing)
- Don't play dumb with us, smart guy.
- Easy, Mac.
I don't think he's playing.
Real headcase this one.
- Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!
- Grrr!
Guys, this is just a big misunderstanding okay?
- So it's just a lone crazy knife.
That's all huh?
- That's what I've been trying to tell you!
- Nuh-uh!
Sometimes it's a blender, or a pry bar,
or toasters, or explosions.
Lots of explosions.
Oh, and then there was this one time
the Halloweenie ate the Frankenfruit.
(laughing)
Good times.
- Now we're getting somewhere.
- Seems like Mr. Memory here
knows more than he's letting on.
- Oooo, a shiny microphone.
Are we gonna do carrot-oke?
(laughing)
- Tell us everything you know or my partner
will wipe your memory with his neuralyzer.
- Too bad you don't have more than one.
Then it would be a pluralyzer.
(laughing)
(loud flashing)
- Oops.
- Nice one, butterfingers.
There goes our star witness.
- Hey, hey Cheese Whiz!
I think there's something wrong with your microphone.
- Figures.
These things never work on citrus fruit.
(growling)
- Bleh, there he goes.
Tooting his own horn again.
- Huh?
That wasn't me.
My horn sounds like this.
(horn blowing)
- Then what was it?
Spill already, why don't you?
- Well I do have one idea.
- What's that?
- Yeti vampire freak.
♪ Yeti vampire freak ♪
- My god, it's got fangs, a boombox, and yeti powers?
(growling)
- Hey, hey!
Show it your microphone!
(screaming)
Pasta la vista, baby.
(laughing)
Ew.
- I swear partner, one day I'll track
that thing down and make it pay for what it did to you.
- Aww, poor Cheese.
- Yeah, now he's all prov-alone.
(laughing)
- Grrr.
- Seriously though, if you need a new partner
I know somebody that's pretty sharp.
- Oh yeah?
And who's that?
- Knife!
(screaming)
- Whoa!
- Well that can't feel gouda.
(laughing)
Ew.
- Geez.
I tried to warn him.
- Well, cheddar luck next time.
(laughing)
(horn blowing)
- Ricola!
(soft rock music)