Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck and I teach self-government
and parenting, communication, family relationship building all over the world
and in this video I'm answering the question what does self-government mean as a father?
In this video, we're going to be talking a little bit about dad and who dad really is to his family
and then how self-government principles can help dad become the best version of himself. Are you
a dad? Do you want to have the greatest impact on your children that you possibly could? Do you want
to help your children have changes of heart as well as changes of behavior and not have to be
mean or aggressive in order to get them to have those changes? Well, that's what we're going to be
talking about today is what we can do as parents, especially in a dad role, in order to help inspire
our children to become strong, to become mature and the best versions of themselves possible. So,
what does it mean to be a father? What is your role as father? Many people say well, a father
is to preside or to protect or to provide. What do those things really mean to the heart of a child?
They mean security. A father offers security to his family and when a father does not give security
to his children and his spouse, then everybody feels a little bit lost. They get a little bit
sucked into the things in the world that maybe dad even wishes they wouldn't be sucked into.
So, it is up to dad to be this pillar of strength in the home. That doesn't mean he dominates though,
so we have to be really careful about that. I think that oftentimes dad is given sort of a bad name
like either he's a buffoon which is often shown nowadays in modern media which I definitely don't
agree with or he's shown as this dictatorial, militant, non-caring, well that's not strong.
So, what does it really mean to be strong and to offer that security and strength to the family?
Well, what that means is is that he gets on the same page with his wife and he leads and teaches
those children with principle and with truth. There is nothing that brings more security to a family
than to have one of their leaders governing themselves by truth and just so you know getting
angry, having to get mad, using violence or threats, power struggling, none of those things are based
in truth. Those are all manipulations. Even the passive father who does nothing, who just wants
to maintain friendship and be on his phone and not be disturbed is still manipulating
the environment and not doing the teaching that he should. He's not offering the truth to the children,
instead he's offering whatever I want, whatever feels good, whatever's easier is better, that's an
untruth and the children sadly could take it as a truth. Some key things that dad can do
in order to maintain this strength as to unify with mom. Now, I know oftentimes mom
and dad have different parenting styles because well, they're different sexes and they were often
raised in different homes, in different ways and so because of that, they've got to come together
in order to truly be unified. This means that each person has to be humble and teachable and
they need to find principles that work. So, I teach all about self-government and I talk about how
there's really 3 different types of parenting. There's bully fear-based, there's the passive
modern progressive type permissive parenting and then there's traditional strict parenting.
A traditional strict parent governs themselves and their family by principle. The only way for a bully
and a permissive or passive person to come together in their parenting
is to unify on principle and truth and dad can do that. Mom can try all she wants on her own but if
dad doesn't do it, he will turn the hearts of his children ultimately away from truth and principle.
This is the sad truth. In all of the years, 20 somewhat years now I've been teaching this,
that's what I see when the children hit about age 12, they start looking to their dad as the example.
If dad is not a good example, it takes an awful lot of work to have them not follow his direction
and the way that he is showing them that they need to live. So, if dad recognizes he will be
the example that launches those children off into maturity and adulthood, then hopefully he will take
that responsibility to be that pillar of strength and provide the truth to the children really
seriously. In order to touch the hearts of our children, we've got to actually speak with their
hearts. We've got to have good open communication, not just drop the hammer of authority all of the
time and there are definitely ways that you can do that. So, that brings me to the self-government.
How can self-government help dad. So, before I get to my key points about self-government, helping the
father in the family relationship, I'd like to invite you to hit the subscribe button on this
channel right now. There are videos like this about self-government and parenting and communication
and self-control that come out on this channel every single day and I don't want you to miss them.
You'll really be happy you subscribed so subscribe now. So, how does self-government help dad? Well, if
you understand that self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect of any
given situation and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them, then
that helps dad recognize that in order to have the greatest impact on his children, he actually needs
to be the example of self-government. The only way to be the example of self-government is to govern
yourself. So, how does dad learn to control himself so that he can set the example for his children?
Well, there's 4 basic self-government skills that children can learn that takes care of 99%
of their behavioral problems. Well, guess what? Those 4 basic skills can also be used by dad.
So, what are the 4 basic skills? They are following instructions, accepting "no"
answers and criticism, accepting consequences and disagreeing appropriately. Now, each of
these skills has a skill set attached to it, that means there are certain steps for these skills.
These skills are for adults and children. We all need to know how to do these things
for optimal happiness in life but there is 1 step that occurs in every single
one of those 4 basic skills and that is the step to keep a calm face, voice and body.
So, does dad know what it means to have a calm face, voice and body? Have you analyzed it
for yourself? Have you said wait, when I talk like this that's definitely not calm. In fact, I feel
myself trying to control another person. Our main emphasis needs to be put on controlling ourselves.
There's actually a calmness skill that I developed for myself when I was doing treatment foster care.
In fact, my husband has also used the skill because he definitely does not have patience by nature
and he needed to have something to hold on to. This skill is something that I'm going to share with
you at the end of this video because I have a free gift so that you can get that skill. Dad also needs
to have skills for how to correct the problem. So, he needs words to say. So, dad, I want you to
think about this. I want you to think what is it that you say when the children talk back to you?
What feeling happens within you when they start to disrespect you or they start to disrespect the
family or your wife or some of your other children? What is it that goes through your mind and heart
at that time? Probably there's frustration, there's a little bit of anger, some people tense up in
certain ways. You need to know exactly what those things are that happen to you and then you need
to be able to give yourself a "no" answer. You say no, I'm not going to do that and then what am I
going to do? I'm going to say these words that I already plan to say. So, if you have to, then you
would sit down and you would write down the exact words that you are going to say every time you
correct a negative behavior, that's what I had to do, that's what my husband had to do and I'm happy
to share all of those skills with you. In fact that's what the whole teaching self-government
course and program is all about is teaching parents the skills that they need for success.
But there is a great first skill that you should start with and that is the skill of calmness. So, as
I promised, I have a free gift for you and that is my course called The Calm Parenting toolkit.
So, in the description below this video, there is a link to The Calm Parenting toolkit
and if you click that first link, I think it's the first link in the description
that says Calm Parenting toolkit, it will take you to a place where you can get the toolkit for free.
Absolutely for free. This is going to be a great start for you as you are learning
to master yourselves. I'll discuss more of the skills that I teach in my larger course
and you will be off on the road to self-government. So, click on that link now and I will see you there.