1001.
No matter how bad the game is going, I won't stradle the table like Slim Pickens riding
a bomb.
1002.
Foam Finger of Death is not a real spell.
1003.
I cannot start with an armor class higher than my actual age.
1004.
Not permitted to die from essence loss during character creation.
1005.
Even if I bought the book at Walmart, I don't get a discount on advantages.
1006.
If I take the Poison Immunity advantage, that doesn't include Radiation.
1007.
That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks?
Dream Sequence. 1008.
Texans do not get revolvers as a racial weapon proficiency.
1009.
No matter how many points I put into the skill, can't use sword swallowing to parry.
1010.
Stone Giants don't have heat sinks. 1011.
Even if we are facing Yuan Ti, my battlecry cannot be "COBRA!"
1012.
Note to self: Lightsaberchucks...BAD IDEA 1013.
The expressive dance skill is not a substitute for language skills.
1014.
I will stop blaming every massacre we come across on Decepticons.
1015.
Despite what the rules say, berserking does not improve my aim.
1016.
Even if spells are use them or lose them, I will not waste Meteor Swarms on a goblin.
1017.
I will not lay siege to Cinderella's Castle. 1018.
Elves do not get Viking Funerals. 1019.
Even if we have more ammo than fuel, I still have to cut down the tree with the chainsaw,
not the Heavy Machine Gun.
1020.
If we have to add a new PC mid-campaign, he doesn't have to pass a drug test first.
1021.
Can't use the Jedi Mind Trick to convince the stormtroopers the Droids over there are
the Droids they are looking for.
1022.
Can't start the game with 24 hours to live.
1023.
The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.
1024.
Slings make poor thongs.
And vice versa.
1025.
If I have two cyberarms, they have to be on different sides.
1026.
My character cannot gain a level through nepotism. 1027.
I will not use the d20 system to test the validity of any Kennedy Assassination theory.
1028.
My character has mastery level in singing.
I do not.
1029.
I will not convert to Eilistraee just so I can watch naked drow chicks getting their
groove on.
1030.
No matter how much he pisses me off, I will not raise the barbarian’s dead mother-in-law.
1031.
Just because my superhero game has 18 stats and yours only has 3, doesn’t mean mine
is 6x better.
1032.
Monofilament does not automatically make the world a better place.
1033.
Holding the hand crossbow sideways ‘gangsta style’ does not add to my intimidate check.
1034.
Even if I wait for the ninja to jump at me, I can’t crucify him with a repeating crossbow
in a single round.
1035.
If at any point in his lifespan my character can clear out every single Cave of Chaos in
one single round, he’s vetoed.
1036.
My druid can't summon or change into a skunk.
No seriously, it’s not allowed in the rulebook. 1037.
Kangaroos are poor substitutes for taun-tauns. 1038.
There is no such thing as a Viking Assisted Suicide.
1039.
Jury Summoning I is not a real spell.
1040.
I can not name my character anything that was suggested by Tom Servo.
1041.
Doesn’t matter if I’m just using to spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark
side point.
1042.
Erasing the compass on the map and redrawing it in reverse does not mean the villain will
start building his evil railroad backwards.
1043.
Ninjas do not have a hive mind.
1044.
No matter how much ammo I start with, I can’t impact the total world supply.
1045.
We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video
games.
1046.
We can’t stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load
bearing villain. 1047.
If my troll is the smartest character in the party, the entire party is vetoed.
1048.
I will not attempt to overdose on Rogaine so I can disguise myself as a wookie.
1049.
I can’t summon anything in MM4 just so I can take a bathroom break while the DM looks
it up.
1050.
If the weapon has the 3-handed trait, I don’t get a sidekick just for the extra hand.
1051.
As a matter of fact, the high and tight buzz cut doesn’t exist in Exalted.
1052.
I’m not automatically eliminated from the crappy module if I guess the wrong murderer
like in Clue.
So I should stop making random accusations.
1053.
I was not raised by a pack of feral Ironclads. 1054.
I will call the elf druid by his real impossibly long elf name, and not just Llanowar Leafblower.
1055.
I will also not simply refer to the elf druid as that dirty, dirty hippie.
1056.
There is no such thing as a Dwarven Battle Perm.
1057.
Canadian is not a real language.
1058.
When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages.
1059.
Even if the villain is Lawful Evil, slapping a cease and desist order on him isn’t going
to work.
1060.
I will go into the villain’s lair and take him out the old fashioned way.
Not just wait outside his favorite bar with a rifle.
1061.
In the middle of a Black Ops I do not have time to put a banana in the exhaust port of
their AV-9.
1062.
Even if I think of something the Demi-lich isn’t immune to, he’s immune to it.
1063.
Even if my character sheet says otherwise, I can’t max out the party with Delta class
Cyberware immediately after character generation.
1064.
Even if I can prove at least a half dozen practical uses for it, I can’t have a slip
and slide for the dungeon crawl.
1065.
Even if we are playing in the New Republic era, I can’t call dibs on Boba Fett’s
armor.
1066.
If the GM’s wife is in the party, I’m not allowed to hunt anything cute.
1067.
I do not get to put remote detonation switches into the weapons of any PC’s I build them
for.
1068.
I cannot have a handgun that starts out doing more damage than most people have wounds.
1069.
I do not have to check before each adventure that my fellow adventurers are not doppelgangers,
Cylons or pod people.
1070.
Even if we are Womprat hunting, we don’t have to dye the wookie fluorescent orange.
1071.
I will go take out the villain’s dungeon the old fashioned way, and not use magic to
reroute a river into it instead.
1072.
After rerouting a river through the villain’s lair, I will not pan for gold wherever the
river comes out.
1073.
Just because the game left the rules for stun setting grossly unbalanced doesn’t mean
I have to take advantage of it.
1074.
Despite the name, I can’t actually wear a cloaker.
But I will fail to notice the cloak weighs over a quarter ton.
1075.
Metal detectors don’t automatically find Cylons.
1076.
When told to dress like a Goth I will make sure with no uncertainty whether they mean
black clothes and eyeliner or chainmail and shield.
1077.
There is no such thing as a weresaxophonist. 1078.
If 48 straight hours of pistol whipping doesn’t convince the terrorist to spill his guts,
another 48 hours probably won’t either.
1079.
A tattoo gun is not standard equipment in a mapping kit.
1080.
The Cryokinetic is forever banned from water balloon fights.
1081.
Even if the rules allow it, my sumo wrestler can’t take super human attractiveness.
1082.
There is no such thing as a brothel crawl.
1083.
My IRSAn will not use his powers to help fill out wikipedia articles.
1084.
My sumo wrestler can’t have lap band surgery without affecting his martial arts skills.
1085.
“Everybody Wang Chung tonight” is not an acceptable use of the Mass Suggestion spell.
1086.
Tornadoes don’t have hit points.
1087.
Even if I take twice as long, that doesn’t mean I can take 40.
1088.
I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at malkavians, kobolds or kender.
Or their players.
1089.
Even if the game is a crappy rip-off of World of Warcraft, my character can’t speak in
Leet. 1090.
Even if I roll a natural 20, I can’t jump the grand canyon on a stock steam roller.
1091.
In the middle of a Black Ops, if a character dies I will not disavow knowledge of him until
after the mission is over.
1092.
If the battle goes for 20 rounds, we don’t have to stop and wait for the zamboni guy
to clean up the battlefield.
1093.
I will not tell the rookies they can roll down their Y-Wing’s windows.
1094.
My wizard does not need to shout out the name of what he’s summoning every time he picks
a creature.
1095.
Anything short of adamantine full plate is not considered light armor for dwarves.
1096.
In the middle of a Black Ops I can’t start a major Corpwar just because I’m bored stiff
with the current run.
1097.
Even if he used INT as a dump stat, I don’t have to carve ‘this end towards enemy’
on the barbarian’s axe blade.
1098.
If I’m in an assault mech, bump drafting is discouraged.
1099.
After a successful Black Ops, before I’m paid I will not immediately adopt a dozen
children for the tax breaks.