7 Ways to Compliment a Woman Without Being CREEPY!
[0:00:00] [Music]
In today's video, gents, seven ways to compliment a woman without being creepy.
First up, gents, and this one is incredibly important, you've got to be sincere. The compliment
has to be real. If you're making the stuff up if, it's not coming from the heart if it's
not something, yeah, you just wanted to talk to her, so you made something up. Understand,
she will be able to see through that compliment and it's going to come off bad, it's going
to come off slimy, it's going to backfire on you.
So, according to researchers at Japan’s National Institute for Psychological Sciences
in a 2008 study, they found that women had a part in their brain, yes, in which they
could pick up compliments. It was the same part of the brain that we pick up a number
of other things, one of them being monetary rewards. But, they're very in tune with this
and that it is very easy for them to detect a real compliment versus a phony one. And,
whenever they pick up the phony compliment, they were not only did they not like it they
were disgusted. That being said when the compliment was real
when it was sincere even if it was a little bit strange, it was actually something that
was genuinely appreciated. So, don't let that hold you back. Just make sure, guys, when
you're given that compliment it is sincere it is real.
Now, before I get into my next point, I want to thank Claudia Cox over a Text Weapon for
helping me come up with all these points. I've known Claudia for years. I met her at
my Menfluential event. And, what I love about Claudia is that she helps men better communicate
with women via text and all types of written communication.
So, if you're a man interested in better communicating with your wife, with your girlfriend, with
a girl that you want to be your girlfriend, you want to check out Text Weapon. I'll be
linking to that website down in the description. She's just a great friend. I'd love for you
to go check out what she's doing. And, in addition, I've got the support article
down there over at Real Men Real Style. So, if you just want to read you want to actually
check out the studies which I always link to my support articles in the description
of my videos, you can go check it out down there over at realmenrealstyle.com.
The next tip for giving a compliment not being creepy, make sure the compliment is unique.
If it's something that can apply to everyone, it's something that you know how you get those
emails and you know there's spam because you could just change out the name and it's, yeah,
we -- we can pick this stuff up, it's the same with compliments.
If you complimenting her on her hair, well, you know unless she really has great hair,
again, getting back to that first point, sincere. Is it something that is really unique? If
you can give someone a unique compliment, oftentimes you've gotten to know them a bit
better. Let's say you guys go to class together and
you notice that every time she asks a question at the professor she actually is really well-spoken,
it's you love her accent, you love -- you know there's something about her. That is
a unique and it's a sincere compliment, and that combination right there is powerful and
you want to leverage it. The next tip, look beyond the physical. I
know it's difficult for many of us, me included. When you see attractive woman, there's a part
of our brain that it's like similar to drugs and alcohol. It just hits that and we're like,
oh, we feel good and we want to sometimes just compliment what we see.
But, when you are only complimenting the physical, she knows this and she probably gets it a
lot especially if she's beautiful if she's attractive and it's something that just doesn't
have the same meaning as the non-physical because she has a brain she has maybe people
she's interacting with. If you do notice how she talks, how she interacts, she's just really
good at maybe a certain type of skill. Those are the type of things that go beyond the
physical and women can be very receptive to. And, guys, this is backed up by research.
So, both at SMU University and Florida State, they actually found that women in long-term
relationships they said got them compliments both on physical on their body and then on
other things non-physical just the way that they interacted their personalities.
And, they found that actually if men only complimented them on their bodies, in the
relationship over time this could build up resentment that women wanted to be recognized
for all of these other things that were beyond the physical. And so, understand that, yes,
even if you're complimenting again and again on the physical, but you're ignoring the non-physical,
this can actually be a negative thing over time.
Now, this study coming out of the Association for Psychological Sciences in 2009 found that
actually with low-esteem women that talking too much about the physical saying you're
beautiful you're really attractive, this could actually have even a worse effect over time
on their basically their psyche and their self evaluation of themselves. It can push
them down and make them feel really bad lower their self-esteem. So, if you've got someone
that you know has low self-esteem even if they’re really attractive, try to find other
ways to build them up, not so much talking about that physical.
Next up, Guns N’ Roses knew how to compliment a woman. So, you remember in that song Sweet
Child of Mine? She's got eyes of the bluest skies as if they thought of rain. The point
here is you want to be metaphorical not always literal. Nothing wrong with literal, but it
doesn't have the same effect, you've got beautiful blue eyes, you've got beautiful blue eyes
it's like if they thought of rain. All of a sudden right there, that compliment much
stronger. [0:05:06]
And, by the way Guns N’ Roses, one of the greatest rock bands of all time. Agree? Disagree?
Let me know down in the comments. Next up, don't do this. “Huh. You got a
nice butt for an Asian girl.” “You know, I'm not normally attracted to black girls,
but you look good.” “Ooh. For a big girl, you got some moves.” What's wrong with those
compliments? They're backhanded compliments. Even if you're sincere, understand that the
vast majority of people, they don't like it when race when their size is in a sense brought
into something like that. Unfortunately, with these compliments a lot
of guys don't even know that it's a backhanded compliment. They don't actually see the problem.
In some cases, they're like, “Hey, I've used it before, it works. It gets the attention.”
Understand these are very dangerous compliments and if you're going to continue to use them,
well, proceed at your own risk. And by the way, guys, let's have a little
bit of fun. I want to hear some of the best or worst backhanded compliments you've ever
given or heard somebody give. Next up, let's talk about context. So, you're
at a party and you've got friends in common. That's one type of context. You're at work
and you were, “Okay. I want to compliment or I want to talk to her. We work in different
departments, how can I approach?” That's one context. You're on a subway, you've never
seen this woman before, there's only a few people down, you know, waiting for the subway.
Is this the best place to give a compliment? Now, I have a good friend. He met his wife
on the subway. And you know he's got a whole story with it, but he judged the situation.
They had seen each other a few times. They were both regular commuters and he finally
got the courage just to start engaging with her. But, in most situations, you've got to
think how was she going to feel? Is she going to feel threatened?
Now, the author Margaret Atwood, she put it this way, “Men are worried that women are
going to laugh at them. Women are worried that men are going to kill them.” Now, I
know that quote may seem melodramatic, but when you watch the news especially from the
viewpoint of a woman, what do you see? Woman, attacked and killed; woman, attacked and raped.
And, this is something that is going in the back of many women's minds and you need to
make sure that you're put in the right situation that your compliment is going to be perceived
as something nice, not a threat. Now, this next one may seem like common sense,
but women do not appreciate catcalls. And, if you're not familiar, this is when men whistle,
they make noises, they say things that are very sexual in nature to try to grab attention
of the woman. Now, the vast majority of men will agree that
this is wrong, but why does it still happen? I think the insight here is a 1989 study that
talked about actually men if they were catcalled by women, they actually liked it. It was something
that they weren't used to, but they liked the idea that someone was showing the interest.
And, I think from this, a lot of guys think somehow that, oh, if I would like it, then
women would like it. And there's got to be a percentage. Here's
the thing though in that study, they weren't able to find a single instance of when women
actually like to be catcalled. So, what video to watch next? How about male
insecurities that women honestly don't care about? Yes, it is a great video. I had a lot
of fun with this one, and you'd be surprised how many guys are hang up on certain things
that the ladies just don't care about. [0:08:05] End of audio