It’s no secret that everyone has their moments of self sabotage and self loathing, but when
it comes to the self-critical INFJ, they seem to get in their own way more often than not. Between
extremely high self expectations and overthinking tendencies, this personality type can be downright
self-abusive at times, but how can this happen if they are considered so empathetic and intuitive?
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Number 1: They’re unrealistically self-expectations
As most of us are, INFJs are faced with a lot of pressure. Being an introvert in an
extroverted world, keeping up with societal pressures of success and competition,
and being guided with intuition can all wreak havoc on an INFJ self-image. However, above all
of these pressures, there’s nothing more daunting for this personality type than the extremely high
expectations they set out for themselves. Call it perfectionism, or people-pleasing,
there’s no doubt that almost all INFJs are considered high-achieving and ambitious in all
areas of their lives. And although this may seem like a healthy trait that others would strive for,
the INFJ’s perfectionist nature can sometimes come from the wrong place. Instead of sheer motivation
for self-improvement, their hard-working nature and dissatisfaction for their achievements
can create the ultimate recipe for self sabotage. Although from an outside perspective, the INFJ
seems like they are perfectly capable of balancing the high expectations they set out for themselves,
they are almost always unnecessarily struggling in at least one area of their lives. Not only that,
but unrealistically high expectations also make it difficult for the INFJ
to accept compliments from others, because they never truly see how great they are.
Number 2: Procrastination Procrastination is a normal
human tendency that some people indulge in a little more than others. One of those
types of people being the perfectionistic INFJ personality type. At different points in life,
depending on obligations, mental and emotional energy, and the actual task being procrastinated,
this procrastination-prone type can easily get caught up in their dilly-dallying.
To put it simply, there's a fine line between INFJs setting healthy boundaries around their
time and energy, and taking things a little too far, leading to full-blown self-sabotage.
Luckily, unless there's something seriously wrong, an INFJ is able to usually bounce back
to their otherwise ambitious-selves rather quickly. Mostly because contradictingly,
there's no pill more difficult to swallow for the INFJ than having something not be completed
up-to-par due to their self-sabotaging tendencies. For the INFJ and many other procrastinators,
holding off on doing certain tasks is far more than just being lazy. In fact for the INFJ
in particular, usually their avoidance is rooted in fear of failing, a fear of change,
or not knowing all the details in order to go forward. When an INFJ feels fully confident
in their skill set and can accurately see the possible outcome, tasks just seem less daunting.
Number 3: They have a strong desire to control the uncontrollable
If you’re an INFJ, you’ll know personally just how exhausting it can be to deal with
a deep-set need to maintain some type of control in every sector of their lives.
This judging personality type likes to know what’s going to happen, when it’s going to happen,
and how it’s going to be made to happen. While this trait allows the INFJ to be quite
organized and able to get things done, the act of obsessing over to-do lists, planners and schedules
leaves little room to actually enjoy the unexpected twists and turns that life never fails
to provide. When you know everything beforehand, it takes away half of the fun, but for an INFJ
it’s much more than that. If something doesn’t go as planned for the INFJ who has thought of
every possible outcome, they’ll instantly feel unprepared, and INFJs don’t function properly
when they’re not prepared. Luckily, overtime, most INFJs learn to properly step out of their own way
and allow life to flow amid uncertainty. Although it’s much easier said than done, once an INFJ gets
a taste of the free-flowing, in the moment lifestyle, it’ll be difficult to allow their
over-planning selves to get the best of them. Number 4: They over analyze every aspect of life
A big part of an INFJs controlling nature is their overly analytical sense of direction.
This introspective personality type spends a great deal of time in their own heads, questioning and
ruminating about many aspects of life. While this allows them to understand things on a deep,
complex level, it also holds an INFJ back in many ways. INFJs have difficulty taking things
for face value, such as love and achievements - which can take the beauty out of the things
in life that don’t necessarily require a deeper understanding or questioning. For example, instead
of an INFJ accepting the love someone has for them, they may be distracted with thoughts such
as “I wonder if this love is just infatuation, or lust?”, “Do I love them back?” “What even is love,
and is everyone’s definition of love different?”, “Do you have to love someone to show them love?”.
Or, this can happen in social settings such as an INFJ overthinking their appearance by wondering
if they wore an appropriate outfit, if they have anything in their teeth, if they look too happy,
or not happy enough, and so on.. You get the drift. These thought cycles never end,
they only switch from topic to topic. To put it simply, it can be extremely distracting and even
upsetting knowing that it’s so difficult to just be in the moment and enjoy it, which is one of the
main reasons it’s so daunting to socialize and put yourself out there to try new experiences.
Number 5: They can daydream a little too much
As we mentioned, INFJs have a vast and rich inner world made up of all the things they truly desire
in life, and although they’re able to put some of these dreams into action especially when it
has to do with helping humanity in some way, this personality type can struggle with unrealistic
expectations from people and situations because their inner dreams are so much more preferable
than reality. For example, INFJs are known to be hopeless romantics and tend to expect
fairytale-like romantic partnerships from their lovers. As we all know, romantic partnerships
aren’t all butterflies and roses, and when an INFJ is hit with this reality, they may become slightly
taken aback and begin wondering if that romance is out there somewhere. So, in other words,
it can be difficult for romantic partners to live up to these expectations. Similar to romantic
partnership, INFJs can paint an optimistic expectation of an event, new career change,
and just about anything else that is yet to come, and often enough, they are merely disappointed to
some degree. So, for an INFJ to learn to put down their expectations and predictions in order to
better enjoy the reality that is life, they may be pleasantly surprised at how beautiful life can be.
Number 6: They are prone to building walls to keep people out
There are no walls built higher than that of people who feel constantly misunderstood. INFJs
know this first hand, and they are incredibly good at masking these walls, making others
think they know them, when really all they know is the front the INFJ strategically puts on.
Ironically, the empathetic feeling nature of this rare personality type craves deep connection and
meaning within their relationships, yet they are so hesitant to open up about themselves to
create mutual bonds within their lives. These walls are rooted in the terrifying feeling of
appearing vulnerable and ultimately getting hurt or used as a result. INFJs know they are
incredibly sensitive creatures, from the smallest set backs, to the life-changing betrayals,
when INFJs hurt, they really hurt, and tend to ruminate for much longer than necessary.
While this is a positive trait in some aspects, as it allows for the highly empathetic energy of
the INFJ to be closely guarded, it also leads them further away from the friendships, relationships,
and new experiences they crave, and ultimately need in their lives.
A simple example of this would be turning down social events out of fear of being left to stand
by themselves in a room full of extroverted, connecting people. This may not seem like wall
building, but it is. This is taking precautionary measures for a fear that is most likely not
going to happen, and even if it does for a short period, it will probably lead to some incredible
connections. Now this isn’t to say that INFJs need to wiggle their way out of their naturally
introverted nature and force themselves to go to every social event, but to find a balance is
key to having the best of both worlds, and getting out of their own way of finding those connections.
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today’s video.. Before you go, let us know in the comments below
what you think your worst self-sabotaging tendency is, as an INFJ. Also, make sure to leave us a
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