Hi, my name's Father Mike Schmitz and this is Ascension Presents.
So recently, I've been talking with a lot of couples
who seem to have kind of some of the same—some similar, like, issues, right, in their relationship
and sometimes the issue that a lot of couples have in the relationship
is they want, like, they want to be pure, right, in their relationship.
They want to really truly love each other, not use each other physically.
And yet, they find themselves doing what they don't want to do, right?
They find themselves getting into trouble, like, falling with each other, essentially.
And so a lot of times, they'll either contact me or we'll meet here
and say, "What do we do because we feel so powerless in this? Should we break up?
Are we supposed to like ... what are we supposed to do?"
And I got a couple things to say about that.
Number one, it's fantastic and phenomenal and really great that you're both united
in wanting to love each other, not use each other.
*click click* Well done. Number two, um, do we need to break up? Not necessarily.
I mean, if the rest of your relationship is really healthy:
You're good for each other, you help each other out and you lead each other closer to the Lord,
except in this one area, then it's this one area that needs to change, maybe not the whole relationship, right?
So, so, give yourself a little breathing room here, but something needs to change.
I'll talk to couples who'll say, "But we- we've been praying and we've been, you know, we go to confession.
We fall, like, nothing we do helps."
This is where I come in, *laughs* "Nothing you do helps?!
Well, tell me your script. This is the question I always ask, like, what's the script?
Like, where are you and when is it? When does it happen?
Because it probably doesn't happen just randomly any time of the day or night.
Probably it doesn't happen just ANYwhere. Probably a specific place or a couple specific places
and some specific times or general times.
And so usually, it's like, "Well, you know, I guess, we kind of do fall ..." Like, what's an example?
"when I'm driving her home to her apartment from my place."
"OK. Just anywhere? Like, you pull up to- pull up to her house and you're right there in front of the ... her parents',
you know, driveway and like, right there?"
They're like, "No, no, no. Usually what it is is, you know, on the way there, like,
I turned down like a kind of dark road and park and there we go,"
or "We'd go and find an abandoned parking lot or a dark parking lot and go to the far corner kind of thing right there."
"Like, okay, okay, so the issue isn't the car and the issue isn't just because it's late at night
and you're being chivalrous and giving her a ride home.
It's not you can't say no in the heat of the moment. That's not the moment to say no.
It is if you get there, right?
The moment then, you need to say no, is the moment right before you flick your blinker on
to go down that lonely road.
That's the moment. That is THE moment to rewrite the script
because you know this, you know, you know how the script goes.
I flip the blinker, drive down the road, park there and then here's what the rest of the script says.
But if you can actually stop and rewrite the script
because that's ... to stop in the middle of the "heat of the moment," right, it's ... that's very difficult.
It's difficult to give a "no" then. But to say "no" to flicking the blinker and driving down that road is far, far easier.
And this is just true for even someone by themselves. Sometimes, a lot of people will contact me,
they struggle with purity and they say like, "There's nothing I can do. I'm just, like it keeps hitting me,
like I'm good for this much amount of time but then you know I'm good for nine days and that tenth day hits
and I just I'm taken out at the knees."
And I'm like, "Okay, so when and where? What's the script?"
"I was gonna ... I was just gonna check my email, and so I opened up my laptop to check my email,"
and step one, step two, step three, step four, and they led to you know bad stuff
or "I was just, you know, I pulled out my phone because I wanted to scroll through Facebook or Instagram
and then all these pictures and they led from A to B to C to D and in the heat of the moment I couldn't say 'no'."
That's why I say, "Okay, rewrite the script. Say no before the "no" gets too difficult.
Give the EASY "no".
I know that I'm talking right now about just kind of sins against purity,
but this goes for any, any sin where we find ourself going back to this again and again and again.
Typically, the only reason why you and I aren't better, right,
the only reason why you and I aren't more free from sin is because we just don't want to be.
I know that's kind of like, "Wait what?" but it's true because God's grace is abundant, right?
God pours out his grace in every single moment.
In fact, um, St. Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians [in] chapter 10 verse 13 he says this, he says,
No trial has come against you that's not common to all people,
that everyone doesn't expir ... everyone experiences.
He says, God is faithful and he will not allow you to be tried beyond your strength,
but with the trial, he will also provide a way out that you may be able to bear it.
You say, "No, not that's not true because I'm in the heat of the moment I can't say no.
He's not giving me a way out."
OK, your way out was before you opened your laptop.
Your way out was before you, you know, turned the blinker on.
Again, the only reason why you and I aren't better is because we don't want to be better.
We're not willing to be courageous enough to say, "You know what? This, this is part of my script.
If I take this part of my script out, I will rewrite the script."
Be courageous. Be bold. And maybe that new script will lead you to more and more freedom.
Now here's the last thing.
I will talk to people about this and a lot of times whether it's couples or indiv- individuals
and one of the things they ... I find that they want to do is they want to make themselves the exception.
Well I guess that's fine for you but like, in my case, you don't understand, in my case,
I've got this and this and this in my life.
[I'd] say, OK, almost any time we try to make ourselves the exception to doing something virtuous,
it's usually simply an excuse
that this is too difficult. I don't want to do that thing.
(gruff whisper) I believe in you. I know you can do it.
(normal voice) That sense of like you're not the exception because don't, don't make the excuse.
Just because you can't do everything, doesn't mean you can't do anything.
So please, my brothers and sisters, please don't claim powerlessness when you're not actually powerless.
Don't claim a certain victimhood: "I'm a victim to my sinfulness," when you're not truly a victim,
because in some ways, yes, life is bigger than us.
In some ways, that brokenness in our heart is bigger than us. Yes, I understand that,
but if I'm not willing to do the stuff that I can do, if I'm not willing to say the easy no's,
then I just am not really willing to be free,
I don't really want it badly enough, but I think you do.
What you need, what I need, what we need, is courage
because we have the grace.
The Lord keeps giving us the grace. Now, all we need is to make decisions with boldness
and with the grace of Jesus Christ, you can do it.
Rewrite the script.
Become free and become the person God wants you to be
and, if you're dating someone, a couple God wants you to be.
For all of us here at Ascension Presents, my name is Fr. Mike.
God bless.